A New Day

In August of 2009 the Lord began drawing me in to a time of transformation like none I could have ever imagined, one that would transform me and all of those around me for a lifetime. Mind you this was not an event that would soon take place and much like a good Church service or camp transform you until reality crept back in. No, this was a literal transformation of mind, body, and spirit triggered first by a call and secondly by a catastrophic event. You see first the Lord prepared my heart and mind to receive change, then the change came, this process allowed me to not be so impacted by the events to follow that I could not appreciate and accept from whence they came. The call was to leave our Church of thirty plus years where I had served for over twenty nine years and take a struggling and trying work in a nearby town. The second much more catastrophic event being the diagnosis of my wife with late stage terminal cancer and her subsequent death just six short months later. The ensuing transformation has been one of unexplainable pain and emotion, needless to say exhausting. This transformation however was needed and has come to be appreciated by this Pastor as one worth every moment of suffering, anguish, doubt, fear, and loss. Prior to this I was constantly searching for what the Lord had for me, so much so that when it was right in front of me I couldn’t recognize it! My life was filled with dreams that rarely came true, unrealistic aspirations, and distractions that were allowed to keep me form intimacy with God, my wife, my family, and anyone else with whom I had contact. Oh yes I was committed to service, yes I loved the Lord, and yes I was faithful, however there is so much more that He desires for us.
In the ensuing months I have truly learned what it means to be intimate with God, to trust Him for everything, to be unable to function without Him. He has shown me what it means what it truly means for Him to be my all in all,. Nights without sleep, days without rest, months without companionship all have led to a transformation of heart, mind, and spirit, that will prevent the old man from ever resurfacing again. For so many years my spouse, my family, and friends would attempt in every way to show and convince me of God’s love for me, how I needed not do anything to earn it, but rather just bask in and receive it. Yet only the Lord my God could change the heart and mind of a man formed and shaped by the harshness of this world. Only the one true God could cause this transformation, and knowing the cost He saw it was best for me, my family, and so many more! Have I arrived to a place of eternal bliss and understanding so grand that I may never fail again? No I have only arrived at this destination, at this place and time and each day begins a new, each day I await His direction for me.
Regrets you ask? I have many. The should have, could have demon is alive and well at times in all of our lives, but we must remember the past is not our home, we live for the moment. Each moment of our existence upon this earth may be our last, hence we should act and live as such. To say I have regrets is to say that I do not believe in the divine power of God, it is to say that I have chosen not only my destiny but that of others as well. This is not a responsibility or a burden I will choose to bear or accept, for you see it is He who determines our time upon this earth, our destiny, our entire being, and He alone. The only part we play in this role is truly how much we will learn, obey, grow, effect others, and enjoy the adventure.
Yes my life has changed I am more in love now than ever, with my God, my children, grandchildren, people, ministry, and more. Yes I have again found love, a deeper than imaginable love, a love for my God that has transformed who I am, a love worth dying for. No longer do I wander seeking to find my way, but rather now I wonder at who He is and why He loves me so. How can such love come form such great tragedy you ask? I ask how can anything but love come forth when you see the God of all creation active and alive in your life, doing all He can to bring you to a place of wholeness and completeness in Him.
From this day forward I will begin to write about the new chapter in my life, I will no longer look at life through glasses filtered with “Life After Loss” because what I have lost is not lost at all. Dawn is with the Lord in heaven, the one thing we all aspire for she has received, she is complete therefore she has been found. All I have lost is her earthly companionship, nothing else has gone away the rest remains permanently etched into my very being. What I have gained is new life, comfort with God, a deep relationship with my children, and a greater understanding and drive for God’s will for me, I have gained the true meaning of intimacy.
Having experienced the tragedy, the pain, the fear, and so much more, so much more than mere words could ever describe, I end with these words: “it was worth the pain, and I would never go back, the future is to bright and today is a new day”
Merry Christmas to all of you and thank you so much for your love and support through this most trying time of my life.
Gene Burroughs
Servant

I give myself away

I Give myself away


Earlier this week the lord placed a statement upon my heart, one that soon became my posting on Facebook: “I give myself away”. Little did I know the power of that statement or the effect it would have on my life in the ensuing days. Soon after my posting someone I care very much about and for commented that I should look up the song by the same name on youtube, and so I did. While this song and those who perform it (William Mcdowell), have moved me greatly I have quickly come to recognize the hand of God directing me to an amazing place of fellowship and commitment to Him as a result. The statement “I give myself away so you can use me” simply will not leave my mind, nor do I desire it to. This morning in my quiet time with the Lord I asked Him to give me a message of great power for those who would take away from their valuable time to read these ramblings of his servant and He was so quick to answer. He led me to listen to the song not just once but twice and had it not been for the river of tears flowing from my face I would be listening still. The tears however were not because of the powerful voice, great back-ups or instrumentals in the song, no the tears were born deep in the heart and the mind of a man filled with pain, fear, anxiety, and questions. As you all should know the past year was no doubt the most difficult year of my life, we left our Church of 31 yrs. to begin a new work. Dawn is diagnosed with terminal illness and soon joins the Lord, followed by more questions, doubts, fears, and so much more than could be written about in a thousand years. Had it not been for His faithfulness I would have not made it. Reflecting upon these things I had come to the somewhat arrogant position of believing that I had a handle on my walk with God, that somehow I had given all away in order that He might use me. I began tis adventure not knowing how to survive without Dawn and now have come to a place that I could not have ever been had she survived and were here with me know. This place of living each day knowing that anything or anyone He removes from my life is ultimately for His greater good, and mine as well. It is not a contest between the Lord and I to see how much pain we can endure before He bails us out, no this is not a game, this is life, a life committed to giving it all away to serve Him.
This morning I truly gave it all away, every desire, every want, every fear, every question, every doubt, every sin, every care, they are all His. You see it’s not that I don’t care any more, it’s that suddenly and truly nothing else matters. What greater joy can there be than to be in a place where the cares of this world truly do not matter, a place where you absolutely trust Him for everything. I don’t mean saying that we trust him and then worrying about the outcome, no I mean trusting Him and walking away knowing that every plan and purpose He has is going to bless us and work out for His greater glory. I have given it all away today, I watched in my mind’s eye this morning as every worldly possession I had was handed over to Him, every care, every vehicle, every hobby, every passion, everyone I love, and so much more, I have given them all to Him. I have given them now in such a way that they are His, and I cannot have them to use unless He so wishes or considers it best for me. He can lock them up, He can destroy them, He can give them away, or He can allow me to use them, bu they are His, and I trust Him completely with them. A dear friend who has been through the same loss shared that this was the culmination of her healing, the day she gae it all away. Could it be that we are all in some form of grief and giving it all away is the only true way to a complete and absolute healing?
What do I expect in return you ask? “I give myself away so you can use me.” You see none of these things ever belonged to me I just assumed they did, after all I collected them correct? No they never were mine, if they were permanently mine wouldn’t I own them forever? What is it we take with us when we leave this earth, is there any single thing that is allowed to join us on the other side? I am convinced that the fishing pole my father was buried with remains to this day in his coffin and yes in a rather deteriorated state. The only thing we take with us my friends is the stuff we rarely see, the lives that were touched, the souls that were won, the smiles of those whom we have blessed, the things not of this world those are the things we can collect and carry over and nothing more!
Another lesson I have learned in my life that has been reemphasized this year is that “you cannot outlive God” but live trying. Job received a double blessing from God for His trials, he lived a good long life, and in his trials he gave it all away and found what mattered most. Everything I have given the Lord has been redeemed, even Dawn, her memory never fades, her influence lives on, but she is the Lords completely now.
I now longer own anything I have given it all away, and today my burden is so light, He is truly all I need, He will sustain me, and he will use me. Please consider joining me in this radical style of living, it requires little change and the blessing is beyond all measure and imagination. Take those things that you are hanging on to and give them back to their rightful owner, tell the Lord, “My life is not my own I give it all to you, so you can use me” you will not be disappointed.
Gene Burroughs
Servant

Turn on the light

This morning I was in the midst of an hour and a half long phone conversation with my mom
when the Lord used that conversation to reveal something quite interesting to me. I was sharing with her how so many times the Lord will use seemingly small phrases, or words to open up the floodgates of change, or blessing. For example when the Lord says I will redeem you, the true action of that statement sets in motion a chain of events that impacts a person for an eternity! I was looking at one of the lamps in our living room, where recently the small knob that controls the light broke in half, and it suddenly became extremely difficult to turn on that light. I was no longer able to shed light in the room. I found myself quite frustrated, I would try to turn the knob with all my might yet to no avail. I decided to use a tool to get a better grip on the knob and succeeded only in damaging it further. After weeks of frustration and sitting in the dark a trip to the local hardware store and sixty nine cents plus tax and minimal effort solved my problem. Once again there is light in the room, the darkness is now being shut out by the simple turn of a switch. A switch very similar to the one that just went off in many of our heads, a switch that takes us from a place of assumption and scenario, to a place of fact and truth.
You see we all have them, these switch moments, times when the senseless makes sense and the unreasonable becomes acceptable or even desired. I have recently had one of those switches turned on in my life in regards to Dawn’s passing, one I feel compelled to share. I like many others have asked this question of God: “why, why God did you take her?” Yes while I too asked that question on occasion it is no longer a question I ask nor one that I would ever ask again. Not because I have this great faith and stand firm on the belief that all God does is good and for His glory, (which I do believe) but no rather because of the fact that He has never shown me or anyone else reason to doubt Him, or His love for us. You see we may think we have reason when in reality we do not, we don’t have the ability to comprehend or understand the things of God well enough to question His actions. What we do have is evidence of His love, His promises, His desire to be reconciled with us, and many more promises. Yes I loved my wife more than anyone could ever love their spouse, I was faithful to her in all ways as she was to me, and yes I struggled with anger and questions, but as one on the front lines of this situation often standing alone in my decisions the only question I have of God is, “what's next Lord?” The past became the past the moment it was no longer the present and the past cannot be changed we should only learn from the past and use it to enhance our future, but never use it to identify who we are, or control where we are going. I spent over thirty five years with Dawn and we were married for thirty one years five months and nine days, and every day we learned and grew together, and the greatest thing we learned was to follow God, and now she is being rewarded in His prescience. I and the girls are here, we are going through life day by day, and we are trusting in our God, some days are difficult some not so much so, and the harder days are becoming fewer and farther between. What does this have to do with the lamp you ask? Let me say this, a switch has been turned and the darkness is gone, no more tools, no more frustration, no more fear, no more questions. I know beyond doubt that the Lord has a plan for my family and I as well as all of those who were impacted by this amazing woman of God, and that plan does not include Dawn. If you are waiting for answers, look again, I believe you will find them and when you do you will see that this present day and the future should God tarry is rather bright! Oh and for those of you struggling with sin, get the knob and turn on the light, yes it is that simple!

Gene Burroughs

Questions Without Answers

Questions without answers?

One of the most difficult things you face when going through trauma and grief are the many questions, most of which seem to be without answers. When Dawn was diagnosed with terminal cancer we had far too many questions and few if any that they could answer. The fear of lawsuits no doubt the primary cause of their lack of communication at least I hope the reason is that good. It seemed that no matter who we turned to we found so few who would or could answer our questions, things like: What are the signs we look for when death is knocking? How do we tell our children? What will be here next symptom that we should be concerned about? Should we seek outside help? Is chemotherapy a viable choice? These and countless more were the medical questions, then of course there were the personal ones, like: How did this happen could we have prevented it? How will Gene raise the girls on his own, or can he? Will the Church be able to support us, if so how long? How will we pay for all of the added expenses? Should I remarry, or will I ever love again in order that I might? Can we stay in our home, and again so many, many more? Soon overwhelmed I realized that if one focuses constantly on the questions they would surely go mad with fear and rage, for again the answers are few and far between.
Something I learned early on was that so many of these questions would simply be answered on their own, and no amount of worry was going to get it done any faster. I became so busy caring for Dawn that I had no time for focusing on wonder and doubt, “no time for such foolishness” I could hear my dearly departed grandmother say. How right she was there was no time and even more important was the foolishness of many of the questions. You see after Dawn passed there was still no time for doubt, worry, and wonder, every moment of every day is now taken up with fulfillment of duties, and service to others.
The more I ponder this the more I understand Jesus words when He told us not to worry, you see worry is the plant that grows from the seed of questions. The more we question the less we trust and the less we trust the more we worry and the more we worry the farther our eyes are turned form the glory of our God. To understand this concept is to truly understand the love of our God, for He knows of our needs long before we ask and He is faithful and just to provide. The further down this road I travel the more questions that are answered and the less time I spend seeking those answers and the more time I spend enjoying the journey. I have found that I am more in love than ever with my Lord, with my children, with my grandchildren, and life in general, even though my loss appears to be so great. I find that the more I have reached out to Him the more at peace I have become and the fewer questions I feel the need to ask. The future is bright because He is in it and my life grows more complete every day. Today it has been exactly seven months since Dawn passed and thirteen months since my grieving began, I miss her yes, I love here more than ever, yet I now understand with complete clarity that she is happy and with Him, and so must I be as well. Down this road I will travel and the one who created this path will lead the way, in Him I trust, my future awaits, and I question the outcome no more!

Gene Burroughs
Pastor

All Sin is a Choice

Dear Friends As you know this past week our former youth leader has confessed that he has chosen to walk in a lifestyle contrary to the word and will of God, as a result there are of course many questions. In order to assist you in knowing how to help your children and possibly even yourself to understand and answer questions I have done my best to do so from my understanding. My prayer is that this will be of some help to you, and ultimately you will need to stand on the word of God and ask the Holy Spirit for understanding and wisdom. 1) Is homosexuality a choice or are you born gay? First of all let me say that homosexuality is a sin a missing of the mark just like any other sin. To say that we are born gay can have many implications but let me address two in particular. The first is this thought that says since I was born gay then God says that it is ok. This would be a statement made by one attempting to justify their actions while professing to be walking with the Lord. The reality is that since the fall of man in Genesis chapter 3 all men have been born in to sin. Romans 3:23 says: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” we know all of us are born with a sin nature. For some that nature is manifest in lying, for others in gossip, for others in addiction, for others sexual sin, and so on, we are all born with a desire to feed our flesh with sin. Therefore our only hope is that we be born again, Jesus recorded speaking in John 3:3 says this: “Most assuredly I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” He goes on to say in John 3:5-6 “Most assuredly I say to you, unless one is born of the water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. 6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” What Jesus is saying is that in order to overcome our sinful nature and be saved, we must receive Christ as our savior and be transformed from the man of sin and flesh to a man of redemption and spirit. So the answer truly is that yes all men are born in to sin because of the fall and all men must be transformed by the Spirit to be saved. 2) What does the Bible specifically say about homosexuality? First of all let me say that there is no place in the Bible that homosexuality is encouraged, or spoken of as being normal or acceptable in any form. 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 is the passage I choose when discussing sinful nature such as homosexuality and here is why. a) It directly speaks of homosexuality and other sins as such (verses 6-10) b) It speaks to redemption and salvation by Christ from this sin once we have repented. (verse 12) c) We are told that yes all things are lawful, or that I can do anything I want because of my free choice will, however they are not good for me. Why you ask are they not good for me? Because as we read in verses 9-10 they separate us from God and as we read in John 3 we must be born again. In addition we are reminded that our bodies are not our own they are His and He commands us not to defile them, therefore what we do we do against Him who purchased us with the highest price. Another area we see homosexuality spoken of is in the old testament places like 1Kings 14:24, 15:12, 22:46, in these cases the writer is addressing “male cult prostitutes” those who were part of a cult with the only purpose being to add to their following by corrupting men for their god. In Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 we are told that homosexuality is an abomination and they are to be put to death. Why such harsh judgment you ask? If for no other reason God says not to do it, and we must remember the motive of most people who are caught up in sin; to get more people caught up in that sin. This may be a hidden motivation or even unknown on their part, however it is not unknown by the one who feeds our sinful nature. By capitalizing on our fleshly nature the enemy knows that when we are in sin if we can get others to join us we are then able to subconsciously justify our actions, after all if everyone is doing it, then it must be ok. Again homosexuality is no different than any other sin; it is another way the enemy uses to separate us from God. 3) Does God still love this person? God loves His creation, He loves those who are searching and He loves those who have found redemption through Christ, He even loves those who have turned their back on Him, however love and salvation are two different things. God loves all mankind, His creation, and He has given all His creation a choice which is in fact the greatest example of His love, John 3:16-17. 4) Is this person going to heaven? The bottom line is that God will judge man according to the decisions man has made, we know that salvation is a choice; we know that salvation is a gift, and we know that God alone will judge. We also read in places such as Romans chapter 8 that “There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” I suggest you read this entire chapter to your family or for yourself. Romans 8 ends with an interesting promise, that nothing can separate us from Gods love a passage that many apply to themselves even when walking in sin. I believe that a proper understanding based upon previous verses and Paul’s other writings would say that those who have conquered their flesh will not be separated from God, and the opposite would be more realistic for those who chose to adopt a missing the mark lifestyle. 5) Can I still be friends with this person? I believe that this is a question best answered by those who are involved in your guidance and counsel. We would all do well to remember that sin and those in it are seeking knowingly or unknowingly to draw others in, hence a great need for accountability on our part. 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15 is very clear that we should not keep company with someone who is choosing to fall away but do not count them as an enemy. If we cut off relations with those choosing to practice immorality they will soon find themselves facing their failing, they will wonder why their friends have gone from fellowship, possibly beginning or assisting in the process of restoration. Do we blackball them from Church, no not as long as they are coming for a healing and are repentant, for if they are not repentant they will by their very nature corrupt? People living in sin are approaching every truth with a disregard for it, hence their counsel is tainted and not pure, nor can it be. Those choosing a lifestyle contrary to the word of God have made their only viable statement by doing so, and that statement is that they know better than God. 2 Timothy 3: 1-5: But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, un-thankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despiser's of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6) Will God forgive them? 2 Timothy 2: 19-26: Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.” 20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. 22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. Again God will judge mankind all we know is what the word tells us, and that we must obey! In closing: To purpose to walk away from a lifestyle glorifying to God means that one who has known God does not truly desire to fellowship with Him, on His terms but rather on their own. God calls us to a lifestyle that neglects our fleshly desires and draws us into a battle that we can win with His help, we must simply choose to fight. I love my fallen brother, I desire to see him restored just as I do all that have fallen away or have yet to choose, I will not judge Him, however the word of God has and I will not oppose the word. If we have no truth to stand on then we have no foundation and we will then crumble and fall, our foundation is not sifting sand subject to opinion and rhetoric, our foundation is the truth, The Written Word of God! Pastor Gene Burroughs Shasta Lake Church 12/13 10

LOVE WORTH FIGHTING FOR

Love Worth Fighting For

Thirty-two years ago today a twenty-year-old High School dropout cowboy with no plans for life, a hunger for truth, and an aversion for self-destruction, married a nineteen-year-old shy cowgirl who had been swept off her feet. She was toughened by life, feared know one or know thing, and knew exactly what she wanted, a ranch, cows, horses, and any other stray that wandered in. Her wedding dress cost $36 at a local discount boutique, it wasn’t a formal wedding dress but at least it was white, her ring had been purchased on credit and cost more than the entire honeymoon and wedding combined. The little Church in Central Valley was pastored by a friend and the piano player was borrowed from another Church. You could cut the tension with a knife that day as for the first time ever both sets of divorced parents now remarried were all in the same room, yes it was more than slightly awkward. The groom cried so hard he couldn’t be understood and the bride let go with a nervous laugh, (or so she said). Their honeymoon was three days of travel up the coast on a shoestring budget of $280 all provided by the generosity of others.
While this marriage began in the midst of struggle and poverty there was something here rarely found in marriages today, a deep commitment to succeed. Dawn and I both came form broken homes, we knew first hand the pain, frustration, fear, awkwardness, shame, and so many more of the negative consequences of divorce. That in itself was enough to get us through the early years but thankfully it was not all of the help we received. One year after our marriage Dawn and I met the Lord at Little Country Church and with His help there was hope. Each day we would remind ourselves in our own way of our need to succeed. Some days we wanted to give up and walk away, on others we never wanted it to end, and sometimes we were just going through the motions. You see no matter how deep your love the world does all it can to destroy every marriage. We laughed, we cried, we argued, we made up, we traveled together, we worked together and we served the Lord together. We found purpose, we found wealth, (not financial far better), we found love, and we found life, and all of it in Christ side by side.
We were blessed with three wonderful girls each different and unique and each one adding to our understanding of God’s love for us. Just looking at those girls we were reminded daily how important our marriage was, how deep God’s love was for us, and we saw the product of our love everyday. When I look upon our daughters and granddaughters today I see the product of love, I see the treasure of trials, I see the preciousness in perseverance, and the reward for the resistance to flee, I see life! To see them without the scars of divorce is the second greatest reward any man could ever ask for, and I pray that they will pass that gift on to their children. The greatest reward of course is a love for God, recognition of Jesus as savior and a commitment to truth.
When I took those vows on December 9th 1978 I never imagined that I would have to live the out in every way, never could I have imagined in sickness and in health would end in sickness. Once Dawn was diagnosed she had already begun to lose many of her abilities to function and for five months we saw a steady decline until her ultimate passing. In that time I was able to learn more about love than I could ever have imagined. There was never a regret for serving Dawn during this time, it was an honor one that comes with being a spouse. You see we fought for our marriage until her last breath, we fought because we had hope, we fought because we promised to do so, and we fought for all the same reasons then as we had for the previous decades. We fought for our marriage because every marriage is worth fighting for; love comes at a cost, a cost worth paying no matter the toll. I will never regret one ounce of effort that I gave toward making our marriage work, as a matter of fact I would give anything to have the pleasure of working for it today. Spend the time, make the effort, in the end there will be no regrets, take it from one who knows first hand.
Gene Burroughs

Leaving the Pain Behind

Leaving the Pain Behind
This Thursday Dawn and I would have been celebrating our 32nd year of marriage. Looking back to a year ago I can remember our last anniversary in every very vivid detail. The girls were staying with friends, we had just found out that there was nothing medically that could be done for her, so we called our dear friends Greg and Teresa at the Obrien Mountain Inn and they of course graciously invited us to come and stay. We were both so numb from the past month of tests and Doctor visits that in the beginning few words were spoken, there wasn’t much to be said. Dawn took a bath I put on our favorite CD at the Inn, Bebo Norman, and then I began to read the devotional on the table, one written by a favorite author, Max Lucado. There was peace in the midst of absolute chaos that night, there were shared memories of days gone by and little talk of the days ahead, after all what lie ahead was filled with fear and uncertainty. But our past was a safe place to visit tonight, you see this was a night when we focused on the moments of joy and triumph, memories that we could relive and enjoy together. This was not a night where we relived our mutual disappointments, or spoke of the should have, could have or would have moments. We talked more that night than we had in months, something we would find ourselves doing much of for the next all to short five months. While this behavior was one that was not completely strange to us the one noticeable change truly was the lack of focusing on or even mentioning the times we had disappointed or failed each other. You see we now understood the absolute waste of time and energy (something we had little of in each case), it was to focus upon such trivial matters. After all the standard we had set for one another was one that neither of us could have ever lived up to, and having now realized that to focus on it at all would be simply a waste of valuable resources.
As I look back now two days away from the anniversary of that night on the mountain, that night when without speaking of it or purposing to do so our priorities were suddenly changed, a night when what evil meant for harm God turned to good, I can now smile. I smile because even now those disappointing moments and former conversations that were not so edifying are just ever fading memories not worthy to ever be spoken of again. They have no further consequence or influence that would be edifying or uplifting, they are simply memories worth forgetting. My hope now has become that I may pass on this lesson to my children, grandchildren, and those who would read my rantings. The understanding of the utter importance of ignoring the truly unimportant, on straying away from using the disappointments of our loved ones as a weapon to inflict harm. You see those memories stay alive only as long as we feed them, only as long as we use them to harm ourselves and others, their life giving blood is our own anger and need for vengeance and the only winner is them, the only loser is us.
Just yesterday during a conversation with a friend the Lord spoke very clearly to me about the need for us to move ahead and focus on the day as opposed to the past. He showed me Lott and his family walking away from Sodom and Gomorra and He spoke these words “if I had not destroyed three past they would have returned to it, don’t go back”. You see the Lord is capable of destroying the negative influences of our past, He can if need be even do so in the physical and extreme sense that He did with Sodom. However I believe that His desire for us is to have us choose to step away, choose to close our minds to the influences of those memories, I believe that He would have us give them to Him, be healed and move on, never again to return to that place of pain and disappointment. if we are to have true victory, true deliverance, true healing, we must be willing to let the past die and live truly in the moment for one thing is for certain in this world, we have no guarantee for our very next breath!
Gene Burroughs

Holiday Number One: "It is much closer than you think"

This past week was Thanksgiving and the first what I call Family holiday(s) since Dawns passing, and yes it was challenging. I was spending a few days at my oldest daughters and her husbands home in Medford Oregon for the holiday, along with my two younger daughters, two granddaughters and a plethora of friends and extended family. Our time of fellowship and feasting was truly a blessing and extremely joy filled. However each day I found myself needing to retreat to my hotel room, not for any particular reason except that I was being drawn as if by some unseen force. I would arrive at the room, change into casual clothes, maybe take a short nap, and simply do nothing, one night for over 14 hours. I wondered why, but was in no way compelled to change my behavior, oh sure I felt a little guilty, but not enough conviction could be found to cause a change in my behavior. At times I would attempt to read, yet all to quickly my mind would wander, my prayers were short lived, and my desire to write was no where to be found, I simply could not find the interest to function.
Then it happened, I was taking a college aged young lady who knows me all to well out for a shopping run when she looked at me asked,"how are you doing?" When I heard those words something inside of me broke and the tears began to flow. These were not tears from random thoughts about Dawn and the season, no these were rivers of water that had been held back far to long. In that moment I was struck by the reality of what I had done over the past few weeks, how I had successfully without intent locked up my heart from the pain. You see somewhere along the way, somehow I had managed to hide behind the urgency of life, the joy of pastoring, the excitement of life with my family, and the love for my girls and son, just long enough to mask the intense pain of my loss. Once again my heart turned to mush, my mind to memories and my eyes to a floodgate opened and free flowing with the tears born from pain. In an instant this wall that had taken months to build, created from anger, fear, bitterness, frustration and feelings of inadequacy, all came tumbling down, and I was free!
I can honestly say that up until now I had no clue what it meant to lose your mate, and now that I do there is no way I would never wish this on anyone. To lose someone that you have spent most of your life loving, and forming a relationship such as a marriage with goes far beyond that of losing a parent or a grandparent,(something I am all to familiar with). Lets face it, a marriage is something that has been hard fought for, it has been forged from solid rock often without the benefit of proper tools. There has been blood shed, compromise,heartache, disappointments and more; there have been bruises, broken promises, forgotten dreams, pain beyond measure, yet pleasure beyond pain. There are rewards that cannot be paid for with anything less than the lessons it took to gain them, they are priceless. And while no one wants to go through them again you would never want to deny yourself of the blessing of all you have learned in the process, it has made you who you are. Then just about the time you see the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train, just when you feel like there is more of a downhill grade to life together, you come face to face with life's most challenging reality, death!
Yes it is true that we will all someday face this same pain, (some of you already have) and because of this impending pain may I give you my most treasured advice? Stop living like you have tomorrow, stop living like God is what you want Him to be, stop taking advantage of those you are taking advantage of, be ready for the end, for believe me my friend when I say; "it is much closer than you think".

Just When You Think Its Over

Just when you think its over

Have you ever noticed that just about the time you feel like your making progress in a certain area of struggle, that at that moment in the time you say you have conquered it, you fall again? This is very much what I find going on in my life in regards to Dawn’s move to heaven. It seems that just about the time I get over the pain in a particular area, or at least learn how to cope with it, there is a sudden painful reminder of some form that shocks the reality of loss back to the forefront of my mind. There have been days where I find myself in the car waiting as I did so often for her to come join me. Recently while cooking I said, “oh better go light on the garlic almost forgot you don’t like it” only to look up and remember again she’s not here. I find myself waiting to sign report cards and progress reports because she has not seen them yet. Then of course there what to get her for Christmas she is so hard to buy for, and then the really difficult one, wondering how we will celebrate our anniversary, of 32 years December 9th. The greatest struggle with events like these is not the remembering of them but the struggle of reminding myself that these things are while not forgotten, things I will never do again (some gratefully so). Just this week a new struggle began for me, each night as I lay down to sleep my mind has been filled with far too graphic memories of the moments of her last breaths. There is nothing pleasant about seeing a loved one move on, nothing at all pleasant, simply a peace. Yet this week I have not felt that peace, only the horror of those final moments, moments I pray I will never see again.
As I was struggling with sickness these past weeks I thought of how I cared for her the last six months of her life. How much I enjoyed it, and how much she appreciated it, how close it drew us, and yet in my recent sickness that same closeness was not to be found. Oh there was plenty of soup, and friends, and offers for help, but not from her, she was not here. You see so often these days I retreat not because there are not offers of help, but no because no amount of help will fill my need, a need that I must learn to overcome, and do without. Please don’t feel sorry for me, I am learning that there are sufficient memories to fill the void, all I need do is look beyond my pity, look beyond my pain, and take myself back to those times of past. I must remind myself of the times she would care for me, the times she would hold my hand and pray, the touch.
I know that this writing has truly been a downer and I wouldn’t blame anyone if they stopped reading, it was very difficult to write. However I must make one thing clear today, the Lord remains my strength! In all of these moments and so many more He has been there, sometimes beside me, sometimes behind me, sometimes holding me up, but always before me, preparing the way. God did not punish me or anyone else by taking Dawn home, no He blessed her, and in turn desires to bless us. And just as what I have written today is the reality of my struggle, the even greater reality of who He is in my life is far more important. I believe with all my heart the words Paul wrote in Romans, “The sufferings of this day are not worthy to be compared to the glory to come.”
I also think back to the struggles that I and so many others have experienced in our lives with drugs, alcohol, or some other addiction (for me 30 yrs ago). How just when you think the struggle is over, just when you think the battle is done, the memories of the pleasure begin to return, and somehow we forget the pain that accompanied it. Then as is the case all to often, (unlike we are able to do in the passing of a loved one) we return to those same old things and we fail again, only this time we fall deeper. See you thought this was about my struggle, no for some of you its about yours. You see I will never be over the pain of Dawn’s passing it will remain with me until my dying day to some degree, and nothing I can do will change that. However the pain of wrong choices, the choosing to return to old habits these are under my control, and I choose to keep them at bay and remember the battle is never over, but the outcome is in my hands, just as it is in yours.
Gene Burroughs

The Battle Rages On

I awoke this morning reflecting on a series of events that have taken place over of the past few weeks. Strangely enough it seemed to begin after what I and many others who were present considered one of the most Spirit Filled Church services in a number of years. You would think that services such as this one (and many similar that have followed), would bolster people and cause them to make the extra effort to fellowship with the brethren. The result in fact was not something I had given much thought to, or had really considered, the result was a fiercer attack from our oppressor. The ensuing attack has caused some to stumble, some to doubt, and possibly even some to fall. Those who have persevered  in fellowship through this battle are becoming stronger and more faithful yet not without cost. I am watching as the faithful in Christ are being sidelined with health issues, marital issues, challenges with their children, issues of pride and addiction,and so much more. Yet in the midst of it all there are those who are becoming stronger in Christ, those who “Press on toward the goal”, those who seem able to defy the circumstances and press in to God, those who are still fighting the good fight.
 You see anytime the enemy hears of people becoming stronger in Christ, when he hears of the miraculous being done, when he sees people becoming faithful, when we get his attention he does all he can to thwart our confidence. The enemy of our souls is truly aware when the Lord allows blessings, and activities that glorify His name, and satan of course does not like it, why would he? It has become ever so apparent to me that we truly must expect trials and attacks at ever y turn of the road, with every waking moment we must be watchful, we must stand strong, we must pray!
 When Dawn was first diagnosed with cancer the Lord was very specific in His words to me, He called me to fight, He called me to stand, He called me to persevere. Since that day He has not relented in His calling, He reminds me often that I must stand and fight, I must fight against the evil that seeks to destroy me, my family, and my flock. Our family has persevered through what I would dare say is one of the most difficult things a family could face (I know there are worse things), and by doing so we are learning what it takes to do so. If I could bottle up and prescribe the cure I would, but that cannot be done, for it is not one thing that we must do to survive, no it is many, but it begins with one: we must “purpose to be faithful in every thing on every day”. If I awaken today and forget who I am and whom I serve then the chances are I will bounce through this day tossed to and fro by the challenges and issues that come my way, every decision based upon my response. Yet if I awaken with purpose and calling, reminding myself of who I am and what I am called to do then every challenge is faced with prayer and dependence on the Lord and in that I cannot fail. When you come to a place of such great loss and pain as we have this year there are very few days that you choose to face on your own, and even fewer that you do, you see you learn quickly form pain to stop and refocus, to regain control.
    We must not forget that we are in a battle, one that is not only for our lives but for the lives of all those we know and have yet to meet. This battle rages on whether we decide to participate in it or not, you see when we accepted Christ we entered the war (if not before). Hence whether we recognize it or not, whether we like it or not we must prepare ourselves for battle, we must fellowship, pray, and study the word, these are the weapons of our warfare. For if we choose to lie down, or remain behind the lines we will be slowly and systematically returned to our former selves as the enemy of our soul slowly strips away at us creating calluses on  our hearts and in our minds. Lies will become truths, pain will become scars, anger will lead us, and fear will grip us, such are the fruits of no labor. For those who persevere there is strength, there is faith, there is hope, and yes even joy, and in the midst of the war we recognize we fight from the place of victory with no fear of defeat, yet still “The battle rages on.”

Joy in the midst of Pain

A few evenings ago the girls and I were at Michaela's basketball game, (which of course they won) and we ran across a couple of college students who are very dear to us; and since College students are always hungry we of course invited them to dinner. Oh wait I need to back up a few days.
  For the past three weekends and the upcoming one I have been very busy with retreats, seminars, and weddings, all of which have prevented the girls and I from having our one complete day off together. Needless to say last Saturday I was feeling rather convicted and guilty for over scheduling my time (something I am far too guilty of), and I began to ask the Lord how I could redeem the time with my girls. Yes this sounds suspicious but I kept getting the feeling that I needed to go and purchase a game called WII Dance 2. Now mind you the girls had not asked for it or even mentioned it, so this wasn't a planted seed coming to life, no it was a new thought, I believe an inclination from the Lord. Needless to say on my way home the game found its way into my car and eventually into my living room where two girls were ecstatic with anticipation. Oh did I mention that there was also and inclination for Chinese food  (not from the Lord), and that too as well made it's way in to our home. Needless to say the fun that ensued was not suitable to be shown on facebook or you tube,(too embarrassing), but I have not laughed so hard in far too long. We danced and we laughed until we cried, and then we danced some more, let me just say my girls have got some moves, but the old man did win twice, yeah I still got it just not as much! Now back to my story, well actually just continuing on.
 After a healthy dose of chili and cornbread we were all ready to burn a few calories, so yes you guessed it, out comes WII Dance 2. Did I fail to mention that one of these college students a young woman has virtually grown up around my family and well lets just say she knows how to have fun. Here friend (not a date) is a fun young man whom we have just recently befriended and he too knows how to have a good time. Well I sat this one out and watched and laughed so hard I truly had to leave the room a few times, and I must say I was not the only one. Whomever was joining me on the sidelines had the privilege of doing so as well. After an hour or so of intense dance most were ready to move this show outside to cool off and enjoy a game of basketball. I again took the sidelines, opened the garage door and watched form afar as I worked out on the weight machine. As I watched and began to take in the surrounding scene my heart began to rejoice, and an overwhelming feeling of peace overtook me. The night was so quiet you could here a pin drop, the clouds had broken up and just a few lingered, the perfect amount to add a graceful glow to a nearly full moon beginning its rise. The only sounds were laughter and commands to cover someone or "I'm open", all sounds of joy, sounds of fun, the sounds of those who for at least a time were able to move beyond the loss.  I sat for what seemed like hours enjoying the sounds, relishing in the joy, and wondering what lies ahead. Oh yes I thought of Dawn as well, how she too would have sat beside me and laughed, how she would have dragged me up to join in the dance, oh how we loved to dance together. I thought of how she with her practical nature would have by now had girls in the showers, and ready for bed. And yet how even now if she could see she too would be smiling with me and probably shaking her head at my foolishness. It is times like this that I miss her more than ever, yet it is also times like this that help me to heal, you see there is joy after loss, we must simply seek it out, we must purpose to find it, recognize it, and take the time to enjoy it. We do not honor those who have gone on by mourning painfully, we do not honor our God by being angry and resentful, we honor them and so much more by doing what they would want us to do, by finding joy in the midst of our pain!

Healing a Broken Heart

Healing a Broken Heart


The healing of a broken heart is not something that one can quickly or readily repair, this complex organ that pumps life giving blood through our bodies is far more complicated than we could ever imagine. Our hearts are connected to every single function in our complex system of nerves, cells, veins, arteries, and so much more than we will ever understand or comprehend. No this muscle is not just a life-giving organ in complete control of our physical bodies; it is somehow connected to our emotions in such a way as to control our mental being as well. How can it be that one organ could have so much control over the entire spectrum of human existence?

You see when you experience the loss of a spouse, a child, or anyone you love, this heart that is broken remains and even intensifies in its control of every part of your being. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what state the heart is in, it can completely and utterly control our very nature of existence, our response to every situation if, we allow it to do so. Oh yes there is a caveat, if we allow it to do so! Yes it is true that without the beat of our heart our physical bodies will immediately cease to exist, my own father died of heart failure in mid sentence, they said he was dead before he hit the ground. Our bodies cease to function at the very moment our hearts cease pumping the life maintaining blood through our bodies. This is a fact and a function that we have no control over. However there is another side to the heart, the emotional side, the part that loves, hates, and controls our minds to the very degree with which we will allow it. When experiencing emotional stress our entire body, both physical and mental responds to the emotion and heartache, not just loss of love, but anger, bitterness, rage, depression, and so much more. Jesus speaking as recorded in the Bible in Matthew 15:19 says this of the heart: “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” Yes the heart is necessary to our very existence, and yes we need our heart, and yes our heart needs us. Not only does our heart need us to control what enters our bodies for its physical health, it needs us to control what exits the emotional side as well. Is it not ironic that the very emotions generated by our hearts if left unchained will ultimately cause great stress and affect the physical well being of the very heart that it came from?

All of this being said I have purposed in my heart to make a choice as the result of Dawn’s passing; “I will not die of a broken heart!” Oh yes this is a choice, a very conscious choice, for it would be much easier to die of a broken heart than to proceed through life with the scars being born on this one. But as the word tells us, we cannot trust our heart, we must take captive the emotions that proceed from it and balance them with the reality of faith, of the existence of a God who controls all things and truly desires what is best for us. Oh I know how easy it is to be mad at God for allowing someone to die; much easier than believing that this is best in the long run, but again this is my choice. I look at it like this: if I were able to understand God, or if I were god, how messed up would things be, rather I must admit, for you see I recognize that I am too controlled by my heart, and since I cannot trust it, I cannot trust me. Oh yes my heart was broken, slowly it is being healed and while forever it will be scarred the choice is mine as to how much I will allow it to lead me. I would encourage all who read this to take control of your heart, in both the physical as well as the emotional, and walk in the confidence of knowing that to a very large degree you control the outcome.

Gene Burroughs

Oh how He loves us in that I trust!

It was just Five months ago today that Dawn left her mortal body here on earth and joined the Lord and many other friends and family in heaven. It feels like it has been so much longer than it has, the pain of loss tends to weigh so heavy that you truly do feel at times like it was so long ago. Just this morning I was listening to Dawn's favorite song on the way home from dropping Michaela at school, I was glad I had already dropped her off, for two reasons. One being that this song pours in to our brains memories of our trip to Mexico last summer, fond memories of an amazing adventure. We were serving in San Vicente at the Remnant Center with Dan and Amalia Vallotton, we were leading a team of about 20 or so youth and adults. On the first night as we sat reminiscing the days adventure a young lady began to sing the most amazing of songs, her voice was fluid and angelic, the words obviously coming from the depths of her heart, there was no doubt she believed every word. You couldn't help but be captivated and before long all of us were drawn into the presence of God as we joined in the Chorus; "He loves us oh how he loves us, oh how He loves". It was then and there on that night that Dawn began to sing and hum that song on a seemingly never ending basis, and it honestly never grew old. Some songs you get in your head and the frustration of repeating them over and over in your mind causes it to be even more annoying as you can in no way get it out of your head. But not this song, not these words, no these words always bring comfort, always bring peace, and always for me fond memories of a more peaceful time, a time where Dawn was alive and serving beside me and her children.
In addition this song brings a peace like few other spoken or words put to music can bring, why? Because they are true, and because I can relate to them. You see I know what it means to love, and even more so I know what it means to love someone you were a part of creating, a child. I understand the depth of that love, and in some way it helps me to understand the depth of His love for me. I love my children with a love that cannot be placed into words, with a love that would cause me to sacrifice my own life if needed to for them. This is not a love I was forced to have, or had to learn or be trained in, no this was an instantaneous love that formed the very first nano second I laid eyes on each of them. This is a love that has no bounds, I am after all incapable of loving one more than the other, this is and must be the very essence of love, and yet He loves me (and you) more than I could ever love them, and there in lies the comfort. On this the five month anniversary of Dawn's passing His love for me is the blanket that warms me, that comforts me and brings my heart to peace. You see I do understand a Father's love and I would never allow anything to happen to my children that was not ultimately the very best for them. If I being a man limited by my humanness feel this way about my children then how much more does He feel toward me? Hence I know that He feels our pain, He feels our loss, He knows the outcome, and He being God has decided that this is what is best for us. How do I know you ask, because He could never inflict pain or hurt on any of His children, again because of that great love. 
Dawn visited heaven before she died, she walked with the Lord, and she shared her stories with us, and for as long as she could, she sang this song; "Oh how He loves us", and that my friends is all the proof I need! He is my God, He loves me, and in that I will trust!

It's the Journey

For the last few months I have been taking the Church through the book of Acts, actually a better way to put it is that I have been led through the book by the Spirit and dragged everyone else in my life along with me. I can only hope that those around me are able to enjoy what I am learning as much as I am, because quite honestly there is nothing I know of that brings the same joy and sense of understanding as being led through the Word. As I wrap it up one thing has become ever so apparent, the destination is not the goal, it's the journey! Dawn could be heard saying this quite often as she cast her wise counsel on those seeking encouragement, and honestly while I agreed with that statement in fact, I truly did not understand the depth of it until now. You see Paul had been told by the Holy Spirit that he was to go to Jerusalem and then to Rome, that "chains and tribulation awaited him" however he was not dissuaded. No he continued on, and while on his journey he continued steadfastly in the work God had  called him to do, to share the gospel. The destination was not Paul's focus, his focus was rather to do what God had called him to do everyday to the very best of his ability. As I look over the past thirty plus years of Dawn and I serving the Lord I am so grateful that we chose to be obedient in the journey. How pitiful and dull would Dawn's passing have been if she simply focused on the destination, if she had never given a second thought to the journey? I dare say there would not have been the great outpouring of prayer and support, or the large number of people at her service, or more importantly the people who will join her someday as a result of her service and sacrifice. Oh how hopeless would life be today if she had focused on herself, her destination, her reward? Quite so I would imagine, (and thank the Lord imagine is all I can do). How sad would her children and grandchildren be if this woman who was the patriarch of the family had never focused on the journey, again we will never know. Instead we have children and prayerfully someday grandchildren who are dedicated to following in the footsteps of this mighty woman of God. They too are choosing daily to focus upon the journey, to keep alive the hope of Jesus Christ, to as they have seen done! Just today Natalie and I were able to share the vision of ministry the Lord has placed upon each of our hearts for those who are hopeless. Oh how proud I was and Dawn would be to hear my fifteen year old daughter share how she is choosing to share a message of hope, how she wants to help others especially youth who are going through a similar trial. She has a passion to show the youth how selfish they are if they have parents that they are taking for granted, she too desires to focus on the journey, as does Michaela.
Oh what a different world it would be if all of us who call Him king were to do the same, if we would seek Him daily for our daily direction. If we would only stop reviling in our reward and seek to show others the way to find there's. If we would but place our pride on the shelf long enough to humble ourselves and admit our challenges, our fears, and our failings, so that others too could see they are not alone. I challenge you today that if you are one who was changed by Dawn's journey, will you step up and do the same for others, can we all in the face of adversity focus on the journey. After all did dawn ever reach her final destination on earth, or was her life just a journey? Of course it was and so is ours.

PS If you no anyone seeking camp, retreat, or other event speakers the Holy Spirit, my daughters, and I are putting together a presentation that will rock their world!

A Glimpse of True Reality

Today the hottest rage on television seems to be the so called "reality shows", from the biggest loser, to the greatest race and everything in between people are hooked on so called "reality". I must confess that I watch very little reality TV because for me that is not my reality, it is someone else's, and my reality is more than I can handle so why add someone else's to the mix. Yet in many ways I believe we as followers of Christ can learn much from this trend that has hit our world, because you see this is not just another American trend, this is a worldwide trend. If indeed people are seeking reality then why not show them true reality, the reality of the struggles of a truly typical person, the reality of true life. What is the reality of life, or better yet what are the realities of life? Well let's start at the beginning; we are conceived in much pleasure, born through much pain, we are trained by our environment, encapsulated and conditioned by our culture, we strive for success, struggle with insecurity, doubt, fear, and lack of self confidence, we succeed as some things , fail at others, are constantly being compared to others, and no matter how high we may arise in stature there is always someone who has or will knock us off of our pedestal. If we have food we eat if we don't we die, if we have shelter we are comfortable if not we accept and adapt, if were rich rich were spoiled if were poor were thankful, and all of us are searching for peace, love and acceptance. We have a plan for our life and no matter how much we strive to accomplish it in the end it is our culture and economics that dictate more control than we could have ever imagined. If we marry we struggle to remain so, if we stay single we often desire not to be, if we have children they control our lives more than we could have ever imagined, and they teach us a side of love that can in no other way be attained. We strive to attain our goals, and after years of trials our bodies begin to fail and with great struggle we leave this world the same in which we came, naked with nothing. You see this truly is reality, oh yes I left out the parts of joy and laughter, not so much because I want to slant the truth, but no my intent was to create a more stark reality. You see the truth is that no matter how many moments of laughter, joy, or accomplishments we experience life is truly filled with great struggles, trials, and moments of pain and suffering. No amount of money, no number of friends, and no large collection of distractions can ever change the truth,"Life is Hard". It is conceived with pleasure birthed in pain it ends in pain and if you believe it will end for you in pleasure, this is reality. Having experienced this pain in such an amazing way this year I can say that I am happy for Dawn that her journey has ended in pleasure, and may her memory do so as well. You see people want to see hope, they want to see that yes we can experience this pain without failure, without utter desperation, we can not only survive we can thrive, and by doing so we help others to do so as well. This morning I had a thought that while it may offend some I do believe it to be quite true. I was walking by a koi fish pond yesterday  and I noticed that the fish were constantly searching for something to eat, they never stopped opening their mouths it was a s if they new something good was coming and they did not want to miss it, so they kept searching for it as if it were already there. I see many people in our world today in very much the same place, they are searching for hope, joy, peace, gratification, and much more, and they are so hungry they just keep their mouths open in pursuit of truth. And just as the koi respond when the food hits the water, they gobble up the truth with reckless abandon hoping to be filled and not miss a bite. The people of our world are searching for reality, not just the written reality but they are searching to see that reality lived out. Yes I believe that every question and every direction we need answers to is in the word of God, the Bible, and when you combine that with the ability to see this truth lived out around you that is reality, the reality that transforms lives. Yes I believe the things I have read, yes I believe that God is faithful, yes I believe the word is true, and when I live these beliefs out in the midst of trial then you too can see that yes, this is reality. It is this true reality that I believe people are seeking today, not the canned Christian response that says these are the promises complete with address and page number, no but the reality of stepping out and living those promises in the face of complete adversity even when the circumstances say otherwise. People are hungry for the truth, can we give it to them please, can we now and forever be real with one another and stop playing the games, no it's not all good, yes it is painful, but there is hope, and it is hope that we must walk in, hope that we must believe to be true, hope that lives within us, for what they see, that is the true "glimpse of true reality".

Worthy of Her Memory

    The story of Dawn's sickness and passing was one that touched so many lives, many more than either of us could have ever known. And as you can imagine the past few months have been exceptionally difficult for me and the girls, I believe that it is only now that the stark reality of Dawn's passing is beginning to sink in; one reason of course my writing had ceased. However today I have once again cause for celebration reason to write, reason's that are so uplifting and exciting I dare not keep them to myself, for they truly are "worthy of her memory". A few months ago I was asked to be the keynote speaker for a Calvary Chapel Men's Conference in Woodleaf Ca. which was held this past weekend. After little prayer and consideration it was more than obvious the Lord had placed this opportunity before me and that His desire was for me to share. The title of the weekend was "The Journey of a lifetime" and our assignment was to share on the life of our favorite men of great faith in the Bible, I of course chose Paul. Why? Because I can relate to Paul, he met God in a great encounter his faith was unwavering, and his life was one trial after another. This past Friday morning (the girls were all in Medford) I awoke with much excitement and anticipation, I was going to arrive early, walk the grounds and pray and just get in the God groove if you know what I mean. My pickup is loaded, I'm making one last pass through the house, and suddenly I feel a little faint, then a pain begins to quickly develop in my stomach, oh yeah, not good! I spent the remainder of the day in and out of consciousness never far from the bathroom and on more than one occasion I was seeing things and carrying on conversations with people who were not there. I did manage to get out a few prayers and text messages and I'm sorry if you received a text that made no sense and I have already asked the Lord to forgive me for any complaining I was doing. At 3am I awoke in my bed, in excruciating pain but able to function, fully aware that I was now very late in arriving at my destination.
  I arrived at Woodleaf at 6:30 am looking much like a man who had been hit by a Mack truck, I know this because every man I saw even those who didn't know me commented on the fact that I looked like I had been hit by a truck, who knows maybe I was!
Once I was able to get my wits about me I began to get excited about what was going to happen, you see the enemy was worried enough to try very hard to stop me, and the Lord was making sure I got there. Yes I must admit sometimes I do feel like the rope in a spiritual tug of war, especially right now when my ribs are hurting form the inside out with every breath, the result of the strain that comes from turning your body inside out.
 The message I had prepared for Saturday night was one filled with many references to the word and I interlaced so brilliantly my own struggles with Dawn's passing and the promises of God and I was actually rather proud of what I had done, with the Lord's help of course. There was now only one problem; as a result of my day of sickness and misery and no doubt the will of God I now had no clue, no understanding of my notes, and no ability to recollect a single point! I walked up to the platform surrendered, fearful, and yet confident that the Lord was in control, after all He brought me here, He allowed the sickness, and of course He has a plan, all I need to do is obey. By the way it's much easier said than done therefore "Warning Do Not Try This On Your Own"! Still not sure where I was going I prayed and began to read the first passage, it was then that I heard His voice, "tonight share from the passion of your pain (in regards to Dawn)" within 30 seconds a room filled with over 300 noisy men both young old became so quiet I dare say you could have heard a pin drop! Jaws began dropping, tears began flowing, and the Spirit of the living God filled the room, and me, while I just waited for Him to tell me what to do next, and of course He was faithful! Men gave their lives to Christ, repented for sin, they came forward for all types of prayer from the team of Calvary Chapel Pastors assembled at the altar. Many men I prayed for called their wives to ask for forgiveness, some just came to weep, some to be encouraged, some just needed to be heard, but they all wanted more of Jesus and I pray they found Him. I take no credit for what happened on Saturday Night in 2010 at Woodleaf, that belongs to Him and Him alone, for He is worthy, I however am not. There many men who spoke, many who prayed, and many of you who were praying for us, all a vital part in the transformation of men's lives and prayerfully now in those of their families as they take home what they have received. I came a way with two very strong points to this weekend, one was shared with me by almost every one of the two hundred or so men who sought me out  I am now and forever committed to continue to preach the Word, as well as to live the Word, for each compliments the other and people need to see it! The second is this, that Dawn's memory, her influence, her steadfast love for the Father and commitment to servanthood live on and the message of her life and passing must as well. For hers is a story worth telling, a life worth reliving, and each time we share it, the lives of those who hear cannot help but be changed, because after all, it really is all about Jesus!

The Desert

In The Desert


Today I happen to be spending some time visiting with with close friends who live in the desert near Phoenix, It just so happened that this morning during my devotion time the Lord revealed to me how amazing and beautiful, the dessert truly is. As one drives through or flies over the desert it is a truly foreboding view, little visible water or life, extreme temperatures, and quite honestly rather mundane and foreboding in . After a few short miles of seeing the same cacti and rock formations, often sprinkled with a limited variety of tress and brush, one soon begins to zone out so to speak, and seek some other form of stimulation. However this morning as I sat in the quiet it became so apparent that the desert (or at least this one) is truly full of life, so much so it can be overwhelming. As I slowed down and began to pay attention I quickly became enveloped in a morning song of joy and excitement. The quail were calling to one another, beckoning others to join them in their trek for daily sustenance, rabbits ran to and fro doing well whatever it is rabbits do. The coyotes foraging and waiting for an unwary prey were scurrying across the hillside,and all the while a hawk flew overhead as if taking it all in, and to think, I almost missed this.
You see I had just completed my devotions and was having a rather indignant rant with the Lord about how I needed to hear from Him, about somehow He had become silent these last few days. “Last night was a terrible night” I cried out in frustration, every dream I had of Dawn only made me miss her more, there was no encouragement my dreams only pain and restlessness, “where are You!”? My life these days feels very much like I am in the desert at times, more like walking through it without water than driving through in an air conditioned automobile. In order to stop and hear today I must first look beyond my pain, my fears, my hunger, and so much more. I know many of you out there can relate, maybe not in the sense of the loss of your spouse and your children's mother, yet many challenges we face can cause us to feel as if we are in the desert or a dry place. Our natural tendency is to get so caught up in our pain and needs that we become so angry at God for not doing what we want that we couldn't hear Him. On this morning I realized just that very thing you see It was only when I stopped my ranting and began to listen that I noticed the excitement and joy taking place a round me. It was then that I began to hear His voice in the stillness of my heart, it was then that I began to understand and realize that I was not alone. Considering the circumstances it would be extremely easy for me to drown out the voice of God with the challenges of the day, so noisy and busy complaining that I had surely muffled His voice. So busy griping about the loss of Dawn that I never honor her memory by obeying God, so hung up on my needs that I miss His call and command, so self centered that He is no longer the center but rather outside the circle of influence.
Yes many of us are in a desert, both figuratively and literally, yes it feels dry, uncomfortable, and rather unappealing, yet all I can and must do is slow down and take the time to listen, then and only then will the purpose be revealed. Won't you join me in taking in the beauty of the little things, and may we overcome our flesh long enough to be refreshed by he one who made it.
Gene Burroughs
Pastor Shasta Lake Church

What a Gloriuos Day That Will Be

What a Glorious Day That Will Be


In recent years we have been hearing a phrase repeated at an increasing rate, a phrase that can often be misunderstood and taken out of proper context. This phrase “the bride of Christ” is one that immediately causes the mind of each hearer to arrive at any one of a number of conclusions. For most men it just seems weird to be called a bride, for some it causes great comfort, for others confusion as to the meaning, and so on. For myself it has always been an area I simply avoided, while I believe I understand the heart of God behind it, I struggled in my flesh with being looked upon as a bride, for one thing I felt very unworthy. If I think of a bride I in-vision one who is pure, one who has protected themselves from impurity, a virgin, one prepared in her heart to be joined for the first time to her eternal mate.
When Dawn and I were married I truly did not understand the gift that she was to me, having not been walking with the Lord the very concept of being joined to another for life was filled with misconceptions and uninformed ideologies all of which were more influenced by the perverted world than they were by the purity of God. It was only after far too many years that I look upon the gift that Dawn gave me with the value it deserved, she had given me herself, something she had given no other man, no other person shared in the gift we had. The intimacy of our relationship was an intimacy shared by no other, it was undefiled, faithful, and true, what a gift!
Today my view on my bride is one that is much different, one that few others have the privilege of understanding, a privilege that comes at such a high cost. You see I now am beginning to truly understand for myself what it means to wait for your bride, to desire to see her, to desire to be joined to her once again. Yes I know that our relationship in heaven will be much different, but nonetheless at that time we will both rejoice in knowing that the path we chose in life was truly one of eternal life in Christ. Someday i will see her again, someday we will share the stories of what we have seen in our time apart, someday she will lead me on a tour of heaven, someday we will reunite, someday I will see my bride!
As I write this I of course have tears streaming from my eyes, my heart pounds with emotion and anticipation, and yet the pain is almost more than I can bare. I wonder, is this how the Lord feels about us? Is He also anxiously anticipating our arrival or the return of Christ? Could it be that the God who created the Heavens and the earth is as excited to be rejoined with me as I am to be rejoined with my bride? Could it be that the great I Am is anticipating the wedding feast?
Again I think back to our wedding day in Shasta Lake California in an small Pentecostal Church a woman dressed in white coming down the isle desiring to be joined to her groom. The white of her dress signifying the purity of her life, and her steadfast commitment to remain undefiled for her groom, her one love. Then I in-vision myself, I too am a bride, I too am dressed in white, i too am now undefiled, as I wait for my redeemer. No I have not lived a our life, no I have not always made the right choices, and yet because of the payment Christ has made for me, I am undefiled, I am prepared for the wedding feast. No God is not going to marry us, an no we will not have physical intimacy, but I do believe that we are to be prepared, ready, and anxiously awaiting the return of our King, someday we will be joined with Him for eternity. Now I understand, now I see, He waits for me, just as I wait for my bride, and oh what a glorious day that will be!

Gene Burroughs Servant of God

Seeking Him First

“Seeking Him First”




*Dawn Burroughs truly was an amazing woman, not just because she was my wife, or the mother of my children, but rather because for one thing she truly loved the Lord. Her dedication to the Lord and His people was deeply rooted in her steadfast conviction of always doing what was right. You see she never would consider doing anything that she felt went against what was right,or what God would have her do, no matter what. Was she afraid of God, no, was she afraid of disappointing God, yes, and that in itself was one of the greatest things that contributed to her amazing character. The thought of disappointing God would often wake her (and consequently me) at night. Sometimes in the night she would awaken and be completely consumed with worry that somehow she had done something, made a decision, or had spoken words that would somehow disappoint the Lord. There were times that she simply had a thought that she new was not pleasing to the Lord, and yes once again we would be awake, me in a stupor, and us discussing the grace and the mercy of God. You see Dawn took the Lord very serious, she refused to take His love for granted, she refused to abuse His grace or His mercy, she understood the cost and hence the value of Christ’s blood. The mere thought of taking advantage of God’s grace and mercies would send her into a downward spiral of self loathing and conviction, one that sometimes became difficult to help her out of. I can remember at times being so frustrated with her extreme guilt, I would do all I could to minimize her fears and remind her that none of us are perfect, that it is the striving for perfection that God desires, not the perfection. I would remind her that if we could be perfect then there would be no need for the cross, or the sacrifice that Jesus has made for us. And yes while she was aware of these things and knew them to be true, more importantly she knew her heart, she knew that in it was not only the ability but sometimes even the desire to fail, to choose the passion of the flesh over the will of God. The testimony of her became how rarely she would succumb to those desires, how she was able to remain steadfast and allow her convictions to outweigh her passions.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in this life came form this woman, my friend, my spouse, my confidant, and that lesson was this; “Make your passion to do the will of God”. You see Dawn’s struggle was far less than my own, or that of many others, simply for one reason if no other, her passion, her desire, was to do the will of God, and she knew what that was. She understood the role of a woman, she knew that her first responsibility before God was to love and serve Him, then to love and serve me, followed by loving and serving her children, and lastly, loving and serving His people, His church. Dawn knew that God came first, above all else, that her relationship with everyone else was completely dependent upon her relationship with Him. It took decades of struggling with the role of being provider and husband, thinking that as the world teaches I had to provide before I finally understood the true secret to success, this secret that Dawn had known for so long,(and tried to teach me). You see true success, true provision, true service in proper order only comes form one place, it comes from the Father, it comes as a byproduct of your pursuit and desire to know your God! True happiness, true love, true understanding, these are all attributes of those who love the Lord and seek Him first, they are the passions of Godly people. Dare I say this, wining the ball game, killing the biggest buck, having the shapeliest body, or being the best at anything, is all in vain if it does not begin with being passionate for Him. You see these things may happen as a result of seeking Him and making Him your passion, however only after you have done so, not before.
Dawn has left me a changed man, she has shown me by her life and consequent passing what truly is the most important thing, seeking Him first, being passionate for Christ. Jesus should never be a crutch, His blood never a super glue that holds it all together as we continue to break it all apart. No, He should be our all in all, the one who lifts us up, the one who we seek to serve, the one we place first even over our own desires, and then and only then will it all make sense. Dawn’s passing is slowly beginning to make much more sense to me, because I know why she served, I know who she loved, and I know how faithful He is, and I know He loves me and my children, and like Dawn our desire is now above all to please Him!
Gene Burroughs Pastor

Lord get me through the night

Lord Get me through the night

Last night was an exceptionally difficult night for me, one filled with dreams, (or should I call them nightmares) about Dawn. In every case I was waiting for her to return from a ministry event she had been attending, and in every case she never came home. I would find myself searching for her, calling friends, and driving to places where she might be, yet all to no avail. I would awake each time with an all too familiar ache in my heart, reach for her, and once again an all too familiar empty bed. Yet even though there is pain and disappointment at the conclusion of each dream,I find myself seeking, wanting, desiring to never stop dreaming about her, to never stop searching for her, I find myself never wanting to give up hope that this has all been just a long nightmare, and soon I will awake and find her here.
I have received so much advice and shade tree council from folks, (all I am confident desiring to ease my pain), and they tell me “it will all be better some day”, or “don’t worry you will get over it” but will I or do I even want to? Somehow in the midst of my grief I truly wonder if one can ever get over the loss of a spouse of 31 plus years. If as the Bible says the “two shall become one” how can one ever be healed to the point of forgetting, from being torn in half? In 1983 I was playing baseball and fractured my leg, tore my ligaments, and dislocated my ankle, it was over a year and after multiple surgeries and hours of physical therapy before I was able to walk again. My leg and ankle are forever scarred from those surgeries, and sometimes a little pain reminds me of my former injury. I have been forever altered, changed for life by that accident, and yet as severe as it was it is not worthy to be in the same category of loosing my spouse. Almost 22 years ago my father died very unexpectedly and it took well over a year to heal from his sudden loss, and while yes I was a part of him, we were not one!
It has been just eight short weeks tomorrow since Dawns passing, and to those who said it would get worse before it got better, you were correct. You see I don’t believe for one moment that things will ever return to what normal was for me and my family. I don’t think we will ever get over this, but rather this is what and who we have become. I will forever be a widow, my children will have forever lost their mom, my grandchildren their grandmother, my son in law his mom in law, and so on. Hence we are now different people than we were, our goals are new, our dreams have changed, our desires have been altered, our purpose redefined, and yet it all remains to be done for His glory.
You see Dawn and I had a very purposeful and intense life, we have always been very serious about raising our children, and serving the Lord, we lived our life together with the knowledge that some day we would stand before God. We purposed to seek God’s will for us and then do all we could to accomplish it. Now more than ever that same intensity is rising up in my children and in myself, because we now know that all too soon this will all end. We have become even more serious about the purpose of man, about what it means to serve God no matter what He calls you to do, or what it costs you. This is not a game for us, Church is not a social club, youth group is not a hang out, being a Christian is not easy nor should it be. All we know and believe, the hope we have for salvation, it has all come at such a high price, yes Jesus gave His innocent life for us and that alone should be enough, and yet let us not forget the countless thousands or possibly millions who have given their lives for the Gospel. I pray that we would never forget, that we would never take for granted that which we have so easily received.
No we will never again be who we were, nor do we desire to be, we will never forget, we will never completely heal, and I pray that we wouldn’t. This new found joy in Christ, this new found desire to hold on His every word, this new found realization of the cost of our lives, these are the things we desire to hold fresh on our lips. And as long as there is pain in the memory of our loss the intensity with which we serve will continue to burn as a white hot flame. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow holds, yet I must get through the night, the night filled with dreams that rain down pain on my heart , and for that I can honestly say, I am grateful.
Gene Burroughs Pastor

Intimacy WIthout Inhibition

Intimacy without Inhibition

Yes it has been quite some time since my last writing, a sign my friends of the intense grief I have been experiencing. It is as if I am just beginning to realize how much I am going to miss Dawn. Not just in the sense of touching, seeing, and being with her, but even more so in the sense of having someone to share my thoughts, fears, and ideas with in an intimate way. And when I say intimate I don’t mean anything sexual by it, because true intimacy has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with uninhibited open and honest communication, without fear of retribution or correction (which often leads to sex because of it’s intense appeal). Intimacy was I believe designed by God to take man and woman to a place of oneness that has far to often been confused and degraded by being limited to an act of physical expression between two people. If you have doubts just ask men to define intimacy, or young sexually active girls who have never been able to communicate with their fathers, or young men who often have gay tendencies. I contend to you that by and large you will be given an answer that approaches the definition of intimacy as something primarily sexual in nature. However I speak to you as one who has lost both the ability to communicate in the physical as well as the verbal sense with the one I was one with and the greater part of intimacy was and is most assuredly the verbal communication.
Recently while visiting dear friends in Kansas City I was asking the Lord about the future, I was seeking from Him an answer as to who I would be able to confide in, who could I be intimate with. After all if a man becomes completely open and intimate with another woman the result will in most cases end in a physical or committed relationship. It is I believe rather impossible for true intimacy in verbal communication with one of the opposite sex to not end up leading to a committed relationship because again it is very appealing, (something I am committed not to do). I am not able to be intimate with other men because quite honestly we men don’t understand intimacy well enough on our own so we need the woman to help us in our expression, and besides that it would just be weird! That is when the Lord allowed me to hear Mike Bickell of IHOP (International House of Prayer), give his definition of intimacy with God. Now I must admit that I could not quote it without misrepresenting him, but what I can do is share with you what the Lord spoke to me. The Lord made it very clear to me that I and I believe all single people can have intimacy with God to a greater degree than we can have with people. A type of intimacy that reaches to the very depths of our souls, and intimacy that exists without the trappings of lust and desire, an intimacy free off the sexual desire that is the result of the beauty and comfort of true and complete honesty and openness between two beings. For the first time in my life I truly understand what the Lord is saying when He says He desires to be intimate with His people, and quite honestly I think I like it. You see not only is this intimacy not clouded with physical attraction it is no longer clouded by opinion, emotional influence, fear, or any other of the worldly influences that so often inhibit true intimacy and honesty. Even in our deepest moments of honesty Dawn and I would often temper our communication in anticipation of the response we feared the other might have, in other words we were not always completely honest with each other. Guess what, I can’t help but be honest with God, He already knows my thoughts, my fears, and all of my conditions, so our intimacy can be nothing but true and real!
I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I truly miss the physical side of my intimacy with Dawn, (no not just sex), there i said it. I miss her touch, her voice, her hand in mine, our talks, our times of laughter, and yes even our times of heated discussion, right now an argument with Dawn would bring me great joy, for at least I could see her, I could hear her, and yes we could make up, (many tears right now). But I know that this is not to be, however in her absence I am exploring and learning the meaning of true intimacy, and my Father can and will fill that role, and oh what a blessing it has become and will continue to be, intimacy without inhibition.
Gene Burroughs
Pastor Shasta Lake Church

He is God in my grief

He is God even in my grief

I have decided today to begin to write about grief in a way that I have never before heard of, read, or known, from the honest perspective of one who has found himself for the fifth time in this life grieving the loss of a loved one. Maybe by doing so I can help both those who are grieving and those who just don’t know what to say to those of us who are. Oh and of course there is the third option, to those of you who think you know what to say but actually don’t. I truly don’t mean to be offensive but yes some of you truly do not know the correct way to support those suffering from grief, so maybe this will help.
It has become ever so clear to me of late that there are truly no words capable of describing the loss of one’s wife and possibly any close relative at such an early age. For every word I have written explaining how I feel there are ten I cannot write. The inability to locate words that can definitively express how one feels at such a time is all too real, it just cannot be done. How do you explain the feelings of emptiness, the habits that have been instantly broken, or the dreams that seemed so real and obtainable for your future that now have no meaning at all? How do you stop asking her questions when your cooking a meal, how do you stop waiting with the car running forgetting that she is not coming? How do you stop asking her about her day, or stop unloading on her about yours. How is it that you stop reaching for her in the night only to once again find an empty bed? How do you answer these same questions and more for your children and grandchildren, does anyone know? Before you answer can I tell you a secret; those who have been through it know the answer and they agree there is none. And those who attempt to answer have not been through this and in their futile effort to comfort, their attempts to explain it simply give them away as one’s who have never traveled this road or at least not for quite some time. Why do I bring this up, why have I chosen to write about such a depressing truth? Because the truth is no we are not ok, no we have not been able to move on, and the more honest we can be about that the better people can understand our actions, moods, and reactions. The slightest of things can cause us to once again relive the pain and realize that Dawn is not coming back, a sound, a smell, a song, or any one of hundreds of seemingly obscure and otherwise unnoticeable things. What is it you feel you ask? You feel the truth, you feel the raw emotion of her loss, suddenly anything you have forgotten or placed aside has been brought to you face to face and the pain comes upon you without warning, or compassion with one goal, to inflict pain.
The other day I was preparing dinner for the children and our guests, I find preparing a meal for others to be very rewarding and I take pride in customizing each meal to the needs and desires of everyone partaking. As I was preparing to add the garlic I looked up and as if Dawn was standing there I said; “I’ll go light on it honey I know that you don’t like too much garlic”. As soon as I spoke these words hope sprang into my heart, you see in that moment, for that second, it was only a nightmare, after all she must be there, I had spoken to her. Looking up again from my work I hoped with all that was within me that she would be standing next to me, but no she wasn’t, and once again I was reminded of the loss, the hurt, the pain! You see I know Dawn is gone, I know that this is not a nightmare, I know that nothing will bring her back, but my hope for the pain to end, is much stronger than the reality of her passing. As I stood there in anguish reliving the pain tears streaming from my face I sought comfort from the only real place I can find it these days, from the Lord! Oh God I cried out, you have brought me to this place, you are a God who is faithful, You are true, and You are just, and I know You love me, oh God give me the strength to survive this trial and thrive in Your glory, for I am nothing without You and without You I will cease to try! You see God truly is the only one who can bring true comfort to those who are grieving, He is the only true hope we have. People can say all of the right words, they can bring you meals, clean your home, and give financially, and all of those things are very important and comforting, we need them, they help in the healing process. But the comfort we need most is the comfort that some day we will be re-joined with our love ones, that some day we too will be changed in a moment and join them there with Christ. If He is God then I have hope, If He is not than all is lost, but this I know, That He is God, Amen.
Gene Burroughs
Servant of God