Intimacy WIthout Inhibition

Intimacy without Inhibition

Yes it has been quite some time since my last writing, a sign my friends of the intense grief I have been experiencing. It is as if I am just beginning to realize how much I am going to miss Dawn. Not just in the sense of touching, seeing, and being with her, but even more so in the sense of having someone to share my thoughts, fears, and ideas with in an intimate way. And when I say intimate I don’t mean anything sexual by it, because true intimacy has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with uninhibited open and honest communication, without fear of retribution or correction (which often leads to sex because of it’s intense appeal). Intimacy was I believe designed by God to take man and woman to a place of oneness that has far to often been confused and degraded by being limited to an act of physical expression between two people. If you have doubts just ask men to define intimacy, or young sexually active girls who have never been able to communicate with their fathers, or young men who often have gay tendencies. I contend to you that by and large you will be given an answer that approaches the definition of intimacy as something primarily sexual in nature. However I speak to you as one who has lost both the ability to communicate in the physical as well as the verbal sense with the one I was one with and the greater part of intimacy was and is most assuredly the verbal communication.
Recently while visiting dear friends in Kansas City I was asking the Lord about the future, I was seeking from Him an answer as to who I would be able to confide in, who could I be intimate with. After all if a man becomes completely open and intimate with another woman the result will in most cases end in a physical or committed relationship. It is I believe rather impossible for true intimacy in verbal communication with one of the opposite sex to not end up leading to a committed relationship because again it is very appealing, (something I am committed not to do). I am not able to be intimate with other men because quite honestly we men don’t understand intimacy well enough on our own so we need the woman to help us in our expression, and besides that it would just be weird! That is when the Lord allowed me to hear Mike Bickell of IHOP (International House of Prayer), give his definition of intimacy with God. Now I must admit that I could not quote it without misrepresenting him, but what I can do is share with you what the Lord spoke to me. The Lord made it very clear to me that I and I believe all single people can have intimacy with God to a greater degree than we can have with people. A type of intimacy that reaches to the very depths of our souls, and intimacy that exists without the trappings of lust and desire, an intimacy free off the sexual desire that is the result of the beauty and comfort of true and complete honesty and openness between two beings. For the first time in my life I truly understand what the Lord is saying when He says He desires to be intimate with His people, and quite honestly I think I like it. You see not only is this intimacy not clouded with physical attraction it is no longer clouded by opinion, emotional influence, fear, or any other of the worldly influences that so often inhibit true intimacy and honesty. Even in our deepest moments of honesty Dawn and I would often temper our communication in anticipation of the response we feared the other might have, in other words we were not always completely honest with each other. Guess what, I can’t help but be honest with God, He already knows my thoughts, my fears, and all of my conditions, so our intimacy can be nothing but true and real!
I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I truly miss the physical side of my intimacy with Dawn, (no not just sex), there i said it. I miss her touch, her voice, her hand in mine, our talks, our times of laughter, and yes even our times of heated discussion, right now an argument with Dawn would bring me great joy, for at least I could see her, I could hear her, and yes we could make up, (many tears right now). But I know that this is not to be, however in her absence I am exploring and learning the meaning of true intimacy, and my Father can and will fill that role, and oh what a blessing it has become and will continue to be, intimacy without inhibition.
Gene Burroughs
Pastor Shasta Lake Church