Questions Without Answers

Questions without answers?

One of the most difficult things you face when going through trauma and grief are the many questions, most of which seem to be without answers. When Dawn was diagnosed with terminal cancer we had far too many questions and few if any that they could answer. The fear of lawsuits no doubt the primary cause of their lack of communication at least I hope the reason is that good. It seemed that no matter who we turned to we found so few who would or could answer our questions, things like: What are the signs we look for when death is knocking? How do we tell our children? What will be here next symptom that we should be concerned about? Should we seek outside help? Is chemotherapy a viable choice? These and countless more were the medical questions, then of course there were the personal ones, like: How did this happen could we have prevented it? How will Gene raise the girls on his own, or can he? Will the Church be able to support us, if so how long? How will we pay for all of the added expenses? Should I remarry, or will I ever love again in order that I might? Can we stay in our home, and again so many, many more? Soon overwhelmed I realized that if one focuses constantly on the questions they would surely go mad with fear and rage, for again the answers are few and far between.
Something I learned early on was that so many of these questions would simply be answered on their own, and no amount of worry was going to get it done any faster. I became so busy caring for Dawn that I had no time for focusing on wonder and doubt, “no time for such foolishness” I could hear my dearly departed grandmother say. How right she was there was no time and even more important was the foolishness of many of the questions. You see after Dawn passed there was still no time for doubt, worry, and wonder, every moment of every day is now taken up with fulfillment of duties, and service to others.
The more I ponder this the more I understand Jesus words when He told us not to worry, you see worry is the plant that grows from the seed of questions. The more we question the less we trust and the less we trust the more we worry and the more we worry the farther our eyes are turned form the glory of our God. To understand this concept is to truly understand the love of our God, for He knows of our needs long before we ask and He is faithful and just to provide. The further down this road I travel the more questions that are answered and the less time I spend seeking those answers and the more time I spend enjoying the journey. I have found that I am more in love than ever with my Lord, with my children, with my grandchildren, and life in general, even though my loss appears to be so great. I find that the more I have reached out to Him the more at peace I have become and the fewer questions I feel the need to ask. The future is bright because He is in it and my life grows more complete every day. Today it has been exactly seven months since Dawn passed and thirteen months since my grieving began, I miss her yes, I love here more than ever, yet I now understand with complete clarity that she is happy and with Him, and so must I be as well. Down this road I will travel and the one who created this path will lead the way, in Him I trust, my future awaits, and I question the outcome no more!

Gene Burroughs
Pastor