So Many Questions

I wonder what it is like to have cancer? Not just any cancer, what would it be like to have something growing inside of you, destroying you something that you cannot control. Something that is there not because of anything you did, but rather because of who you are. How is it that something so hideous can take up residence in someone so beautiful, innocent, generous, and wise. How can such a hideous thing thrive in one who does not smoke, drink, or does nothing else to excess except to love, isn't there always something or someone to blame? How can this be? So many questions, yet no answers, at least none that satisfy the insatiable urge to know, why?
There truly are no answers you see, just questions, why, when, if, and more, but still no answers. My heart aches to see Dawn struggling with these questions, as a man I like having all of the answers, yet I have none to give. Oh yes I can answer the questions of faith, provide the scriptures of promise, and yes I can even write words that instill hope, but no answers. Is this the cry of a desperate man? Absolutely not, desperation cannot take hold, nor can doubt, again I say I do have the answer to the final question, yes I do know the destination, it is the process that puzzles me. But you see I am not the one with cancer, I cannot know what Dawn is truly going through, I can only surmise along with everyone else.
Therefore if the eternal destination is not in doubt and there are no questions regarding the eternal future what do any of us have to offer? This one I can answer: encouragement, love, testimony, support, and whatever the one who is suffering has need of. What we cannot do is to assume to know what the need is for we have no way of knowing unless we are told.
Dawn and I have never been through anything even close to this before, hence we know that we will both error on our way down this path. For Dawn, even the thought of being concerned with what her needs are above those of others is a completely foriegn concept, which in itself adds to her burden. She is now a mother and a wife who cannot care for her children or her husband, no longer able to prepare meals or even eat them let alone the hundreds of things she has always done for those in her family and her Church. This Proverbs 31 woman has been stripped of her ability to do all that she knows to do.
Yes there are many questions, and yes many of you have them as well: How can we help? Can we see her? How is he doing? Can we clean the house, or do her hair, or ?????????????? Yes we all have many questions and as I have pointed out there are few answers. What you can do as mundane as it sounds is pray and be patient, use this as a chance to draw closer to God, and opportunity to share His hope with others who do not know Him.
Please know this, there is not a day that goes by that Dawn does not mention people she would like to see, and I dare say that most if not all of you reading this are on that list. Our prayer is that she will be able to see you all, completely healed and delivered from this sickness, however we must admit until then we can promise little or nothing as much as we would like too. On Tuesday Dawn will begin chemotherapy treatments, and once those begin there will be far more questions and challenges added to our list. therefore please be patient and pray because once she begins chemo we must do all we can to avoid her being exposed to sickness or illnesses of any kind.
We love you all so much and one of the greatest trials we are facing is not being able to continue to serve our friends and family as we have in the past. Thank you so much for all that you have done, for the meals that Joan Ewert has been coordinating, for Rick and his children who raked so many leaves, for the rides for our children and so much more but especialy the prayers and notes. Yes we feel very blessed and priveledged, and prayerfully there will come a day soon where we can once again be joined together in a grand celebration of the healing of Dawn, and no I'm not talking about a memorial service. For I promise you that upon her healing there will be a service of praise and worship like has never been held in Redding Ca, because I for one will not be able to maintain my joy as I am confident nor will you !!!