"No place for peace (the hospital)"

I spent most of the late morning and afternoon with Dawn at the hospital, our time spent asking questions of Drs. and Nurses. Dawn eased in and out of sleep while I listened and remembered. The noises I heard bore much resemblence to turmoil, pain, frustration, and torment, than those of healing. There was no joy to be heard, no peace could be found. One conclusion that could be easily arrived at, in the oncology ward of a hospital is that it is a place of little hope. The sounds of people enduring pain without hope is one that cannot be described appropriately in the written word. The only solace many of these folks have appear to find is one of inflicting thier pain on others, as if somehow it brings them a twisted sort of peace. They tend to yell over thier dislpleasure at the very people who are doing all they can to assist them, or to take out thier frustrations and fears on family and friends. The sound of hopelessness enjoys being heard as well, as if it gains power by raising the decibals in it's expression. Between experiencing this, studying the word, and fasting I truly do have a greater understanding of this hopelessness that we hear expressed so loudly. I truly understand that this is the manifestation of the pure and utter hopelessness of our flesh. The flesh is crying out so vehemetly because it knows it's time is short. No longer is the flesh in control, it is rather being consumed (in most cases) by the results of the very lifestyle it has sought for it's own pleasure and gratification. The flesh seeks it's own, it seeks to fulfill it's desires, read Galatians five and understand the fruit of the spirit, things like, drunkeness, immorality, lewdness, anger, and so on. And now at the end of it's existence the flesh is crying out in agony becuase it is often reaping what it has sown,certainly not in all cases mind you, Dawn's being one of them, more about that in a moment. Seeing this truth has allowed me to also gain a greater compassion and understanding for those who are suffering in the flesh without the comfort and the peace of knowing Christ. It has also given me a boldness, a sense of urgency to help them be releived of this hopelessness and torment. Yes I am speaking in the spiritual sense, for I do believe that a spiritual healing is far more important than one in the flesh, unless of course a fleshly healing leads to spiritual deliverance, as did every one of Jesus healings, except for Lazarus case who we presume was a believer. Now while I'm here let us not forget that Lazarus was raised from the dead not healed on earth his flesh had already been completely defeated!
The point being that the flesh cries out for satisfaction from every corner in life, then when faced with eternity it cries out for a worldly deliverance from the consequences of it's actions. Note it does not cry out for a spiritual deliverance for that would bring certain death, it only seeks a fleshly deliverance, more life, more pleasure!
The struggle for someone like Dawn is more of why? Why does this person who has served God for so many decades, and lived a quite pure life prior to that been stricken with such a horrible and fleshly disease? The answer obviously lies with one far greater and with far more understanding than we. I personaly do not know, I seek to know, I petition Him for answers as do many of you, and yet we do not know. What we do know however is this; that Jesus paid the price, that we are not hopeless, and that there is no torment in our hearts, only the pain of what we see, a loved one in pain, only the grief of what we know, that without a miracle we will have a shortened time of fellowship on this earth. Our will we, who has numbered your days, do you have the guarantee of tomorrow?
Now if I may let me ask one more question: "how about you?" Do you undertsand these things, are you able to have a peace that passes all understanding? If not I implore you to seek out the truth for yourself, I have dedicated most of my life to seeking the truth, thirty years ago I found it, and every day as I seek, it is proven to still be so.
Dawn will be in the hospital a few more days, they plan to keep her there until her fever subsides and they have her infection under control. It is extremely possible that her fever is the result of the tumors being dissolved, and that is our prayer. Her immune system will continue to weaken for four more days and then begin to build, however a few days later it will be destroyed again. Therefore anyone who has any sign of illness or who is around small children must not have close contact with her at this time. Keep praying and once she is healed we are having a hugging party and a celebration of new life, and you are all invited!!!!!!!!!