As I Ponder

Well it's 2 am and I have no desire to be awake, at this point I am confident that my family has no desire that I be on the short end of sleep as well. You see I don't do so well when I am in need of rest, I tend to get well, a little on the grumpy side. Not that I want too mind you, it just sort of happens, no excuses it's just a reality.
As I was sitting here this morning contemplating on things I had a rather random question come to mind, one I felt worthy of exploration. You see for as long as I can remember I have had a burning desire to be more than just an observer of the things of God. There has always been this insatiable desire to push everything to the limits often just in order to witness the greatness of God. As a result I have seen things that few people will ever see, experienced joy that many don't even know exists, and waded through trials that only fools (some would say) would desire. And I must admit that while there are regrets in my life there is not a single regret for pursuing God and pushing the very limits of His reality in my life. I can honestly say there is not a single lesson He has taught me, a miracle I have witnessed, or a tragedy I have faced that has done anything less than strengthen my resolve and faith in who He is my God. And that He is the God of the Bible , Elohim, I Am, the God of all creation. It may even be that in some twisted way my drive to test the things of God lies in a hidden desire to convince myself that He is real, if so it worked. Or it may be just a simple as the fact that I am a passionate person. However again I say no matter the reason the outcome remains the same, great faith has been built. As I ponder this thought this morning another question arises, "what do other people do?", I mean how do they live thier lives? Am I the only one who thinks like this and lives on the edge of this great chasim of chaos or are there really people out there who are content with contentment. Are there those who are truly ok with just knowing, those who have no need of experiencing Him, no need of taking themselves beyond thier abilities and into the realm of truly letting go and letting Him take over? I know of course that the answer is yes, as a matter of fact statistcaly speaking there are many more who approach God in that manner than there are those who approach Him as I do. I'm not saying that they are wrong mind you, I am simply stating a fact.
You see I too have the freedom to live in such a manner, the Lord would allow me. I however could never survive there, I have seen to much, been to many places and have witnessed far too many miraculous things of God to become complacent and lethargic in my faith. There are those whom God has chosen for whatever reason to be people of great faith, people who must continualy go through various trials in order to reach the place that God has chosen for them to be. To the untrained this may sound a bit arrogant, but trust me when I say that this walk is not one every person can or should desire. For in reality the one thing all men should desire is to love God for by doing so each of us will walk the path that He has chosen for us. Please don't aspire to walk as I walk, as your Pastor walk's, or your father or mother, or even your grandmother, follow the path that God has for you, and may you do so with all of the passion and desire that you are able to muster!
Tuesday the 20th is chemo day for Dawn, pray that she will have no nausea, that she will not need hospitalization, and that every cancer cell in her body will be destroyed today, In Jesus name! Amen!
You see I am ok with living on the edge, but when my family is suffering so, well it becomes easier to back away, oh don't worry I'm not going to, it was just a passing thought!
Gene