It is all about Choices

It’s all about Choosing


It has now been just a little over four weeks since Dawn left us and joined so many who have gone before us to be with the Father. It is with the deepest of honesty that I can say this has by far been the most emotionally trying time of my adult life. Never before since my teen years have I experienced such low lows, and so few highs on this roller coaster of emotions we often find ourselves on. In a life when things are at least somewhat normal we see high points as something we aspire to, an emotional point worthy of all of the effort we can muster in order to achieve it. However in times of grief we tend to see the high points as a place of great fear. Why you ask? Because you see in times of grieving we know there will be a fall, and the higher our joy the deeper our sorrow, or the greater the fall. We walk in a place of fear of joy as opposed to one of seeking joy, and of course along with that there are many dangers. One danger is the constantly looming depression, the kind that tugs at you seeking to draw you in and never let you go. Another are the thoughts of rebellion, and the anger at God that would bring nothing more than a very temporary relief followed by again bondage, yet now accompanied by hopelessness, again not an appealing thought. Then you have the temptation of ignoring your emotions, covering it all up so to speak by piling on any distraction you can think of in order to mask your pain. However this too will fail, for the intense pain caused by separation from our loved one will not allow itself to be bridled for long, soon it will find a way to erupt, and emotional eruptions are never the best way to deal with any situation. Yes I do speak as a man who now has firsthand knowledge of these and many more emotional scenarios and challenges, each one examined, weighed, and considered, some even practiced to a degree, and for me I have found the answer. You see the only answer I have found to be without fault, without consequence, without long term adverse effects is that once again I must trust in that which I do not see. I must place my hope in the one who gave His life for me, and believe that He has done the same for my treasured wife. If in fact I choose to continue on the same path that Dawn and I chose thirty plus years ago, (which I have) then I continue as well to honor her, I continue to be a man of faith. As a father I am re-enforcing everything that Dawn and I have taught our children (and many others) to believe they too now have the hope of Christ renewed. This choice is only one that has zero negative consequences, that’s right, zero, not one! Oh yes there are those who doubt and scoff, but may I say this to you: either you have never been in this situation, in which case you speak only from conjecture and opinion, which completely nullifies your point. For you see this is not an intellectual topic or struggle that can be explained away with head knowledge, this is an emotional struggle, filled with far too many nuances to be categorized. Or I would suggest that you doubt or scoff because you have experienced this pain first hand, and you have made the wrong choice in determining how you dealt with your pain, and now bitterness has taken hold.

My prayer for each of you that have experienced such tragedy would be that you (if you have not already) remove yourself from the bondage of anger and bitterness by seeking the only one who can redeem you, Jesus Christ, the Son of the living and loving God. And for those of you who will someday face the pain of loss, (which is the rest of you), I pray that you too will chose wisely, and place your trust and hope in the one who can be trusted with it, the great “I Am”.

Gene Burroughs Servant of the Most High God