"No more pain"

The reality of what my family is experiencing right now will never be forgotten, oh yes while the memories may become faded they will never fall into the abyss of other much less significant challenges. Of all of the things I had imagined I would experience in this life, having my bride suffer with such a debilitating disease was not even on my radar. And while I see so much growth in my children, myself, and others, I cannot help but wonder why it must come at such a great cost. On days when Dawn is simply bed ridden, tired, and suffering mildly we actualy enjoy our time. We are able to talk about things we have experienced, able to enjoy each others company, and yes we even allow oursleves to dream a little. However at times like this, on days when her pain robs her of all joy, when our day is spent attempting (and failing to a great degree) to relieve her suffering, the benefits of this trial quickly cease to bring comfort. The reality of her prognosis without a miracle hits home, and I pray even more for God to relieve her suffering, no matter what it takes! Yes I did say no matter what it takes, am I losing faith, no nor will I ever. But faith is so much more than believing in an earthly healing, it goes into the eternal belief of a complete healing that all believers will someday experience. You see my faith cannot be based upon seeing Dawn healed on earth, it must be based upon the infinate knowledge of knowing that her true healing will only come when she joins the Lord. It is in fact the understanding that all suffering that is experienced by people on this earth will never end until we transition to our heavenly home. Therefore if I am praying for a healing then I must realize that I am ultimately praying for the finished work of Christ.
It may be easy for some who are not in our shoes to become critical of these words which I have spoken, however to feel otherwise is to live in complete selfishness. There is nothing I desire more in this life than to see my wife standing beside me completely healed. To once again share a meal and talk of the days activities, to plan a journey, to see and spoil our children and grandchildren. I would love to give her the trip to cancun where we would walk amongst the pyramids of Mexico enjoying the sunshine and the laughs of our children as they romp on the white sandy beaches. And oh how I would love to have her join me as we lead the people of Shasta Lake, serving them, loving them, and growing with them, yes these are a few of the things I would love to see. However the reality of today brings this to mind, if her healing is not on earth may she not suffer on this earth, may her pain be forever removed.
Yes I have found my limit, my weakness, and my greatest fault in life, I cannot bear to see those I love suffer in pain, especialy this one with whom I have spent my life, shared my dreams, and grown to love beyond all measure, my wife. My only solace is to know this, that though I love her with all my heart, the one who loves her more, he alone can bring her peace, He alone can end her suffering, He alone is whom we place our trust, hence we pray, Your will be done oh God, on earth as it is in heaven!
But please oh God deliver us from this place of never ending pain and heartache into Your arms of blessed relief from suffering for evermore!