New Years Eve

Well yesterday was again a very interesting day of delays and directions from the Lord. Our day began as it has so many days with another visit to the Cancer Center and yes another long and interesting wait in the lobby. There was actually a very interesting exchange that took place between some folks that I would like to share. There was a slight built, seventy or so year old man seated by himself reading the latest Loui Lamor western, (or something like it), he had a look of total peace upon his face, there was no fear in his eyes, he was obviously a man of faith. Across the room a couple entered from the cold outdoors, they were bundled up and she was obviously a chemo patient, you see they are easy to identify. It's not neccesarily because of the hairless head covered by any number of creative adornments, no it's more the look on thier eyes and in thier face that identifies the victims of this terrible disease. Most have a look of fear, hoplessness, anger, or even despair. All commonly connected by this disease, and not one of them desiring to be in this building, paying to see these doctors to put poison in thier veins, or blast themwith radiation, or to insert one of the many hundreds of needles into thier bodies. This particular woman was wearing each of these emotions on her sleeves, she was showing all of the signs, I was reminded of the pharisees who did all they could to make sure that people knew they were fasting and suffering, as oppossed to hiding thier suffering and trusting God to minister to them. At any rate she obviously knew the man and began to strike up a conversation with him, she stood, he sat, she complained loudly, he comforted softly, she told everyone (unintentionaly or not) about every gruesome detail of her miserable disease as well as her treatment, he responded as to how grateful he was for his doctor and the team, and how important his faith was. It wasn't long but far too long before he and the rest of us were rescued by the nurse escorting this faithful man into the back room. No words were needed, everyone was relieved, I almost think I heard a round of applause that this exchange was finaly over.
As Dawn and I made it in to the Doctors office we were of course greeted with smiles and apologies for all of the delays. You see they had no answer, no power to make decisions, or any hope, just simply the same encouragement: "we will get you in as soon as we can". And that folks is where we are, once again we wait, and soon Dawn may begin her chemo.
Bottom line, yes we are still trusting God, yes there are those who have no hope, no faith, and a desire to make everyone around them feel thier pain, that would not be us. For many reasons some we have seen and others we have not, the Lord has chosen to allow Dawn,I, our family,and all of you,to go through this together, and yes it is painful, yes it is frustrating, and no we do not have all of the answers we would like. However we have learned more than we ever thought possible, realized how much we are loved, experienced the most amazing encouragement, and yes even the most discouraging of comments, but through it all we are stronger! And no matter what the eventual outcome we both maintain the desire to go through whatever God has for us and to do it with grace, peace, and faith, after all again I say that is all we have!

Chemo delayed once again!

If ever there were a situation that the world would call a comedy of errors I do believe that Dawn and I have found ourselves in the midst of it. It has been since November 20th that we first discovered that Dawn had tumors on her liver and that Cancer (which has now been confirmed) was suspected, at todays writing this began thirty days ago and counting. From the very moment of the preliminary diagnosis there has been one delay after another, from the biopsy, to meeting with the specialists, and now the Chemotherapy. We find all of this extremely challenging when seemingly every doctor and specialist has told us we need to take a very aggressive approach as this is a very agressive and destructive form of cancer. Based upon the diagnosis, and the seemingly lackluster and truly unprofessional response the acceptable human response would be one of anger, frustration, and possibly even retaliation, and few people would blame us for responding in such a manor,(and yes we have had our moments). As a matter of fact I am equaly convinced that we would find fewer people agreeing with our response than we would those disagreeing with our response, so just exactly how are we responding you ask? First and foremost we pray, individualy and together we seek the Lord for how He would have us approach this situation, and every delay. Secondly we share the results of what we have heard, we share our fears, our tears, our dissapointments, and our victories, and then we decide what our next step will be. You will notice that our options do not include calling a relative and asking thier opinion, nor is it seeking the opinions of friends, or the Church, or any other individual. Are we wrong, are we not doing everything we can, should we push harder, make more noise, seek other opinions, or take any one of the seemingly endless number of options available to us? Yes these are all questions that Dawn and I ask each other almost daily, you see there is little else on our mind right now, how could there be, every day we face the obvious symptoms of this disease and the effects it is having on Dawn, myself, the rest of our family, and countless friends. So what is the answer? Actually the answer is quite simple, one we made some thirty years ago, one that does not wait upon the opinions of friends, the approval of the Church, or the feelings of our family, that decision was one to trust, believe in, and surrender to the will of God! I know I sound like a broken record but isn't that exactly how it should be? I mean if Dawn and I believe as we we do that our God is in complete control of every situation, and the outcome of everything in our life isn't that how we should walk though this? Now I know that some would say that we are weak and allowing folks to take advantage of us, however the truth is quite the contrary, you see no one even if they want to can take advantage of God without Him in His time setting things straight. No we are not Gods ourselves, but we are His children whom He has promised to care for and protect, and the Bible does not say that God helps those who help themselves, it does however say the following : "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" Proverbs 3:5-6 The bible also says that He will "never leave nor forsake you" Heb 13:5, in addition Romans 8 tells us that "nothing can separate us from the love of God". Yes I could go on and on but for what cause, the truth is you either believe or you don't, if you don't and you won't no amount of sharing will change your heart, and for that I am sorry, sorry that you will be missing out on the hope, faith, and trust that Dawn and I have, the peace that passes all understanding, because you see that is what comes with faith. Again are we sticking our heads in the sand and hoping this goes away, absolutely not, however we do refuse to allow this to control our lives, plans have been made and we have had all of the difficult disscusions, and yes we are ready to face whatever comes our way, even delays in chemotherapy, after all we have been asking the Lord to delay the Chemo if He did not want Dawn to go through it, could it be that this too is another answered prayer?

PS
On Wednesday morning we will be meeting once again with our cancer doctor to discuss what is going on, apparently the insurance companies have not ben reimbursing for the chemo drugs in a timely manner and the canver center cannot purchase them without payments being made, yeah wierd.

Christmas is over

Yes it is over and in many ways I must confess that I am pleased that it is, because in case you haven't noticed Christmas is a lot of work! That said I am so grateful that Dawn was able to enjoy Christmas with our family, and while there were periods of time where she needed her rest she was truly able to spend most of her time enjoying her children, grandchildren, son in law, nieces, nephews, parents, brother, sister in law, and yes even our favorite Washington State cousin, Gretchen. We truly had a wonderful time of fellowship and sharing of memories!
Saturday however held a very special blessing for Dawn and I as earlier in the week a friend had contacted me and asked if he could send some folks over to pray for Dawn, and we agreed. So somehwere around three when all of the children and grandchildren had headed off to Medford two men came by to pray and share with Dawn and I. I must admit I was somewhat skeptical as I did not know them however we were both fully confident that we were called to do this. Within just a very few moments our confidence was bolstered as we recognized the same Spirit that dwells within us in these men. As they began to share and speak words of encouragement the Lord quickly revealed to them things about Dawn and I that very few people know, promises the Lord had given, giftings the Lord has called us to walk in and so on. I must say that our confidence in the Lord was bolstered as well as our belief that not only can God heal, but that He is going to heal Dawn. After we had been praying for quite some time Gretchen came in and joined us, and immedeatly one of the men asked if he could pray for her and he began to prophesy over her as well, again affirming that which we knew but they did not, at least not on thier own.
I must say that I have awaken this morning with new hope in Christ, no longer do I fear waking and finding my wife absent from her body, I now awaken with an anticipation of her complete healing of that body. You see when people speak truth into areas of your life and the lives of others, truths that only God knows there can only be one conclusion, that they are hearing fom Him. If they are repeating what they hear from Him, then that which they speak is a promise, a truth, a reality from Him, through them, to you, and let me say that what they spoke was very much a prophetic utterance from the Lord!
Before I continue I find that I must digress and share something else that happened yesterday in order to better make my point. My youngest daughter Michaela and I ran to the store to pick up a few things and while there we ran across an aquantance from Little Country, someone whom we have known for over 2o yrs. When I shared with her that we were believing God for a miracle in Dawn's (and our) life, she proceeded to tell me of a story of her friend who had the same form of cancer. How her friend was one moment looking amazing and the next simply did not wake up! Yes this was in front of my daughter! And yes we left wihout so much as a good bye, I mean come on how insensitive can you be? Well let me just say that she was not the first and I am confident she will not be the last who have attempted to sow such seeds of doubt. Now back to the point; if you hear me say "get behind me satan" you will understand why, for you see we will not be receiving such seeds any longer, those can be planted in the soil of those who desire them of which we are not! the Lord has called us to a powerful work in the City of Shasta Lake, the transformation of a community and the enemy has sought to bring death and destruction to my home in order to prevent that work, I will not receive it, nor will my wife nor my children! We are children of the Most High God and He alone will be our judge, our strength, our healer, our provision, and our salvation, so please join us as we proclaim and receive the healing which God has for Dawn, and the fulfillment of the promises which He has made in order that the work He has called us to can be done!

Do you really believe?

For the past two days there has been another of those glaring truths staring me in the face, and I feel led to share it with all of you. You see I am fully aware that my wife without a miraculous intervention from our Lord will be with him at His pre-determined time correct? I would hope that your answer to that was a bit more like huh, than it was yes, you see the statement truly makes no sense because miraculous in our eyes or not when Dawn, or you, or I are called from these bodies it will be because the Lord of all creation has called us home for our eternal healing. None of us know how many days we will have on this earth bound by this flesh truly only He knows the number of our days. Am I saying that we should not be praying for a miracle for Dawn, or anyone else for that matter, absolutely not, because without prayer, then the healings simply become the will of some being, the mistake of man, or the result of Karma, all of which make absolutely no scientific or faith based sense, they in fact are rubish, yes I did say rubish. However when prayers to the God of all creation are answered they are done so because it is His will to do so, and the suffering that causes these prayers to whatever level it may be, completes the perfect will of God for all of those who are submitted to His will, and truly understand that He alone is God. Ever since the diagnosis one of the greatest of battles has been the emotional struggle of dealing with those who have no hope or faith, those who see this as the end as oppossed to the beginning. You see they have no right to share thier opinion in this matter, after all they are not the ones who are in the fiery furnace, they in fact are the ones watching from afar. Oh yes they will be effected emotionaly by the loss of a loved one or a friend, however that is the limit of the effect upon them. Those who are in the fire, they alone have the right to determine what they believe, and how they will go through the trial, for they are after all the ones who are truly facing the greatest of challenges. As we have been through this struggle we have been, and remain so appreciative of all who have come alongside of all of us in order to make our days brighter, words can never express our gratitude, and a thousand years would not be enough time to repay each of you for what you have done for us, for oh how you have encouraged us. I see the result of your prayers and action every day; the light in Dawns eyes as she reads the verses that people have given her, the smiles that cannot be contained as she reads the cards and emails, the joy on my childrens faces as they return from a shopping trip with one of the ladies and her daughter from the Church, or the relief in my own heart when I see the pile of leaves dissapearing from the back yard, and the strain of the need to pay medical bills being relived because of the generousity of so many, the animals being delivered to homes for care, and so much more! And with all of this good how quickly it is overshadowed when those who lack faith offer thier words of discouragement, thier words that are limited to what they see as opposed to what we believe. Let us not be discouraged however faith cannot be dispelled by disbelievers or it would have faded long ago and become a fabled story of old. But no it has not, no it is and has remained the lifesaving device thrown out to those who are drowning in despair and fear! May we all be people of great faith, people who send the rescue ring to those in need, those stand firm in the prescence of scoffers and doubters, after all if we are unable to believe may we be reminded of that famous passage in Hebrews, "without faith it is impossible to please God", oh that I would be a man, the priest of a household that seeks to please our God!

It's a beautiful day!

All day Monday I was plagued with a rather nagging question, "what am I allowing this cancer to steal from me?" While there were a number of thoughts there were two areas that I believe the Lord was speaking to me about and niether are easy to change, yet change them I will (with His help). The first is that I have allowed this to rob me of my joy, I found that I am not joyous about the season, nor about the new Church, as a matter of fact my joy has vanished, vanquished by this demonic disease. I realized that in some ways my fear of seeming to be calloused and unrealistic about Dawn's health and prognosis, was making it appear as if I didn't care or that I was in denial. However upon seeking the Lord I realized that those thoughts as well were from the pit of hell, for the opposite of guilt is freedom and freedom brings joy and we are to "trust in the Lord and be glad in Him". Therefore I am purposing in my heart to be joyous, to take great pleasure in knowing that "all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose"! The lord also reminded me of the visions and dreams that I had held for Shasta Lake, how that somehow they too had begun to fade in the shadow of this beast that has entered my home, oh how easily he can deceive. So today is a new day, as the sun rose this morning and illuminated a clear blue sky my reslove has returned, my passion is inflamed and my desire is stronger than ever, for my eyes are on my Lord and not on the circumstances surrounding me. If Gideon had not known beyond the shadow of doubt that God had sent him into battle he would have never taken on his foes, yet because he was confident in that call he was victorious in Christ, we have been called and we are confident in our God, it is time to do battle on our terms not His! You see again by looking at the circumstances all we see is what we can accomplish on our own and soon we will become hopeless for we truly are weak, yet by listening for Him, obeying and being confident in our call, believing not in what we see but rather what we know, victory becomes eminent and in that I take great Joy and comfort!

Monday from Sunday or whatever day it is

Yes I am confused today is Monday but I am writing for Sunday so technicly I have gone back to yesterday in order to communicate today, make sense? No it doesn't to me either but I must confess that what you just caught was a glimpse into my head and yeah it is scary! These days are long and tedious but I think the busyness keeps me from thinking to much about what is going on around me. Yes there are times during this trial when I get discouraged, fearful, and even anxious, every time I take my eyes off of Him! The very minute I start looking at the circumstances as opposed to the promises the hope quickly fades and is replaced by the black hole of despair, the cure, yup back to the Lord! So today I am purposing to place my eyes on Him and hang on, and this I know, by doing so, today will be a great day, so no more of looking back at yesterday, nor thinking about tomorrow for today is sufficient for itself!
Amen!

Saturday Dec 20th "Great Friends"

When I was a small child I had a particular relative whose home had a very distinct odor, nothing obnoxious mind you however very noticeable. I can remember one time asking one of the children who lived there if they knew where that strange smell came from, and there response was "what smell?" I came to realize later in life that they had become so acustomed to the smell that they no longer noticed it. I think that if we are not careful we can easily become that way with our loved ones and our friends, we see them so much and become some acustomed to thier manerisms that we unknowingly begin to neglect the relationship. It is at times like this that the importance of those relationships moves directly to the forefront of your mind. It is during trials such as this that you are no longer willing to take anything or anyone for granted. You see we always assume that there will be a tomorrow, another chance to hug, share, or exchange compliments, it is during times like these that you realize the foolishness of such assumptions. Today I went to the warehouse to see how things were going for the Christmas Gift Giveaway, you see for years I have been leading small teams of folks taking gifts and food baskets to those in need. Usualy we give away 30 or so combined gifts and ten or twelve of us gather and go, sometimes we may have twenty folks come alongside. Well this year we had over 150 people sign up to help, we had over 80 people to give gifts to, and a similar number of food baskets. In addition we are preparing a meal and gifts for 50 or so seniors in a low income senior home. As I pulled up there were so many cars parked that it was a one block walk in every direction, and the warehouse was packed with people preparing baskets and wrapping gifts. Tonight I received a report form Pastor Larry David that there were over 1800 cars that went through the drive thru nativity that Dawn has been in charge of for many years. Why do I say all of this you ask? Because all of the things that Dawn and I are normaly in leading or serving in during the Christmas season have continued on, and not only have they continued, they have flourished! They have flourished only because of all of those great people who have stepped up to the plate, our friends, our family, our brothers and sisters in Christ. The events that we love and enjoy doing during this season we were still able to enjoy because of those folks and thier sacrifice and dedication, THANK YOU ALL! I am truly sorry that it has taken such a tragedy for us to realize how much all of us care about, appreciate, and love one another, thank you for showing my family that you do!
As for us, we had a good day, Dawns mom came over and helped out and Dawn looks a stunning as ever, I do believe that there is a healing going on, and what a testimony it will be!