The Cancer of Unforgiveness

The Unforgiving Servant. I don't know if it is because I have lived over 56 years on this planet or if it has more to do with my personality. More than likely it is a combination of both that have brought me to this latest consideration. Once again, I find myself at the receiving end of anger and bitterness from someone I trusted and loved. My first reaction is one of justice. I begin to list all of the reasons I should be angry and all of the reasons this person should be repentant, and like most, I begin to puff myself up and become hard. You see, it is a natural human defense strategy; the action we tend to take when we feel attacked or violated. The reality is we humans don't like to be wrong or wronged, yet both actions are taking place on a rather consistent basis in the lives of most people. Now, for the sake of discussion, I am writing this from the perspective of a believer, as one who, biblically speaking, has little or no right to be offended, especially by another brother or sister in Christ. This morning I was reading in Matthew 18:21–35, the parable of the unforgiving servant. As the story goes, a man owed great debt to a king. The king, in doing what he had the right to do, was planning on having the man, his wife, and children sold into slavery to pay the debt, something he had every legal right to do. The man who owed the debt pleaded for mercy, and as the king had compassion, he forgave the man the debt. This man did not only receive compassion he did not deserve, but his debt was paid in full. He was forgiven because the king valued the man and his family more than he valued justice and money. The man whose debt was forgiven, however, did not learn from this lesson, and he began to deal harshly and not have compassion on those who owed him. He beat them, threatened them, and threw them in prison. He valued what he felt he was owed more than the people—he had no compassion. The king, hearing the news, took the man into custody and tortured until he paid what he owed. I read this and think of how many times I myself, being forgiven of all of my indebtedness to the Lord, have forgotten His grace and mercy and attacked others who have offended or attacked me. Am I suddenly placing a lower value upon man than my own feelings, reputation, monies, my pride, and more? Did not God send His Son Jesus to pay the greatest price for all mankind? The answer, of course, is yes, and when we devalue people by holding grudges, making judgments, listening to gossip, making assumptions, judging intentions of the heart, are we not the same as this unforgiving man of whom Jesus spoke? This section of Scripture ends with these words of warning to us: "So my Heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses." When the Lord makes a promise, He keeps it. His words never change, and His promises are true. The reality is, when we fail to have compassion on those we feel have offended us or owe us a debt, we are promised that God will do the same to us! Yes, I struggle with forgiveness at times. I struggle with people who barely know me making assumptions. I struggle with unfounded accusations about my integrity. I struggle with people taking my words out of context. I struggle with being misunderstood. I struggle with hanging on to my righteous indignation for wrongs done to my family or me. Need I go on? Yes, these and more are things most of us struggle with at one time or another in our lives; we are not alone in our battle with the flesh. The answer to this challenge, while sounding simplistic, is far more difficult in action. If you're on the giving end of an offense, ask forgiveness; if on the receiving end, forgive and move on. Yes, maybe you need to talk it through, but when doing so remember the intention is not to be right or justified—it is for the relationship to be restored! Let me end with these final questions. Truly, why are you angry? Can you not trust God to bring righteous judgment? Does God need your help correcting anyone else? What if you were in their position? And lastly, maybe you should pray for your offender, could be they have been deceived into believing a lie, and maybe, just maybe, they need Jesus too. Pastor Gene Burroughs, Missio Dei Navarre