Happy Birthday Katie

Happy Birthday Katie

January fifteenth 1982, it was a day long awaited by two very young, very happy, very in love people, a day that will never be forgotten. A day filled with such intense pain that no wonder on earth could ever , erase the memory, or so we thought. I remember as if it were yesterday Dawn waking me form my slumber, it’s time to go honey, Katie’s coming! At 4:10 am on January fifteenth 1982 I was handed the most amazing gift a father could ever ask for. Created in love, and birthed in pain, I held in my arms the very essence of love, never before could I have imagined the ability to love so quickly so deeply someone I had never met. I held in my hands flesh of my flesh bone of my bones and amidst streaming tears of joy, I now understood better the love the Father had for me. Dawn and I rejoiced over the treasure Katie was, the gift we knew came from above, and often Dawn would say, I can’t remember the pain, I’m to happy to.
As the years went by so many lessons learned, so many trials overcome, and so much joy from this precious gift. We loved to wait in room for the sound of shuffling feet as this bundle with a bulging diaper would launch herself into our bed. All too soon she left that bed, and our home, now starting her own, she too could now understand the depth of love that we have known. The bond between a parent and a child, one that can never be broken, no matter what the tragedy, not even by death.
No one can ever imagine, no matter how much they desire to, the depth of pain that our family has suffered over the past fourteen months, the tragedy, the heartbreak, the hopelessness, the fear, the anguish, and feelings so painful words would fail to describe them. Yet through it all the love of a family never fails, through it all the bond cannot be broken. No man could ever be prouder of a child than I am of Katie Ristow! She is truly a woman of God, she has more gifts and talents than the world will ever know, and her father on earth loves her as much as any earthly man could! We have been through the most intense of pain, and yes we have caused each other pain , something neither of us would ever desire to do, yet in our humanness we have. Never with intention, never with malice, never with forethought. There are no rules to grief, there are only truths, someday the pain subsides, someday the memories fade, and love never fails!
I love you Katie Ristow, you will always be my treasure, and I pray that today your day of first birth will be a most treasured day, one filled with memories, one filled with joy, one filled with love. And when you look into the eyes of your children, when you feel the flutter in your heart, I pray that you are reminded, that your daddy feels the same way toward you.
Happy Birthday Tater Bug!
Dad

We all grieve, but let us not grieve one another

The reality of grief is truly something I am convinced no one ever completely understands, even after having gone through it, there remains a true mystery about it. For each person the road to recovery from grief will take rather unexpected and unknown twists and turns,detours and road blocks, most of which are completely random. One minute you are up the next your down, then just when you think you have a handle on it, it slips away reminding you that no one can have a handle on grief it is grief which must release its hold on you. True freedom can only be found if and when your grief has been completely satisfied, and like a well fed dog, it will then take rest. My daughter Katie mentioned something to me that made great sense, she noted that unlike her we (Natalie, Michaela, and I ), were forced to face our grief everyday, she on the other hand was distracted to a certain degree. After all she is a stay at home mom with two children, a husband, a ministry of worship as well as a ministry her and her husband share in with college age adults. There is obviously more than enough here to occupy her time and her mind. You see with the girls and I we were and are, sharpening each other every day, each one of us is dealing with some facet of Dawn's loss. Therefore each of us likewise finds ourselves dealing with the same emotions and trials of the other as we do our best to comfort one another. This constant buffering and sharpening, a challenging that has drawn the three of us in to a bond that few family members will ever be able to share, one that I personally find priceless. I could never imagine having this type of relationship with my own father. We have laughed together, cried together, traveled, picked out grave markers, lived in the house, slept in the bed, smelled the fragrances, and so much more, everyday we have been surrounded by everything that reminds us of Dawn. We have packed her clothes, gone through her jewelry, read her books, slept in her blankets, and even dumped her meds. We have washed her dogs, worn her jackets, cried at the drop of the hat for no reason, and we have prayed daily for answers and yes we have wondered why she has left us. We have tried to fill the holes in our hearts with any sort of pleasure or activity only to find them still there and growing. Yes, we have grieved, more than anyone will ever know and more than anyone could ever imagine, and yes we still miss her, and yes we still love her and forever that will be the case. The girls and I have by the worlds standards dealt with our grief rather quickly, I believe do to the very reasons I have stated above. The reality is that each and every one of us face tough situations and challenges, grief, loss, and more all on a different level, we achieve victory at different times, and even some unfortunately never do overcome the pain. The greatest challenge I believe being for each one of us to accept the fact that this is the case, that my grief or lack their of is not right, nor wrong, no more than anyone elses. The reality is we all handle things differently based on more factors than we can possibly imagine and no matter what the world says there is no set time for any person to overcome grief. I was married to Dawn for thirty-one years and served her not until her death, but even today, as the father of our children. I will always honor and cherish her even beyond death, far beyond the promise I made to her on December 9th 1978 "till death do us part". The bible tells us you will know a tree by its fruit, and I am proud to say that Dawn and I produced good fruit, and that fruit is continuing to grow even today. I remember the first time I saw someone pruning a tree, to my untrained eye I thought they were killing it. However as I became educated in the practice of horticulture I was able to understand that without proper pruning a tree cannot bear healthy fruit. I was wrong to judge that man on the ladder until I sought the truth, little did I know at the time he cared much more for the tree than I. No one cares more for my children and their future than I, too bad so many have judged otherwise. I am not a lovesick man seeking to fulfill my desires, I am a father, a housekeeper, a nurse, a nanny, a pastor, and much more, and I have made recent decisions based upon what I believe is best, as well as what the Lord has spoken to my heart. My life will no longer be an open book, nor will it be for my children (at home), the pain of rejection by uninformed well meaning friends is more than we can bare. I will end with a statement the Lord spoke to my heart a few days ago: "Even God doesn't meet the expectations of men, otherwise they would all believe." Knowing this makes it a little easier for me to understand, but it will never heal the scars or lessen the pain. I and the girls have fallen in love with a wonderful woman of God whom He has placed in our lives, she is not here to take Dawns place, she has been sent hear to care for her treasures. My prayer for you tonight is this: that just as I learned from watching the man care for the tree, no matter what I thought, he loved it more than me.
Gene Burroughs

A New Chapter Begins

Living in the public eye is by no means all it is cracked up to be. When every move you make, every decision or action by you and your family is under constant scrutiny it can be very difficult to say the least. Such is however the life of a Pastor and thus you accept this responsibility as you do many others. Anytime you take even the slightest often non-controversial action criticism and comment is very quick to follow. In the past I have chosen to be a upfront about my feelings and the actions our family takes in order to quench as best possible the fiery darts of our adversary. Hence the reason for writing this letter, there are very big changes coming to the Burroughs household, some that have and will cause no small stirring. In order to best explain I am choosing to start at the beginning of the saga and possibly shed light on fears, concerns, and questions people may have. In October of 2010 when Dawn was diagnosed with terminal cancer I felt as though my world had come to an end. The grief that we felt as a family was beyond comprehension, the pain at times unbearable, and the fear of our future gripped our hearts, rarely letting go. Yes we had the promises of God and yes we knew where Dawn would spend eternity however the reality of her impending death of course overwhelmed our family. WIthout the support and prayers of so many of you we would have never made it through this extremely difficult time in our life. Dawn and I planned the future for Natalie, Michaela, and I, (Katie being married chooses her own), we spoke of where to live, the condition of our finances, and so much more, Dawn was very worried about how I would be able to do it all. She even made me promise to remarry someday, because the girls would need a woman’s touch and have someone to confide in. She was very specific as to who this person would be, someone who loved God, would love the girls, someone who could put up with me, (yes she said that) and her final requirement was no weirdos (that too). By the time Dawn passed I had been grieving for a number of months and honestly while it was a terrifying thing to see in the flesh, I was relieved for her, after all we knew where she had gone. Natalie Michaela and I have spent the time since building a relationship that I dare say very few men have ever had the pleasure of experiencing with their daughters. We have laughed, cried, prayed, traveled, fought, talked until wee hours, and so so much more! Many of the decisions I have made regarding our grieving process have received no small dose of criticism and while I have made mistakes with the Lord’s help we have truly done very well. We discuss everything, and yes I have even purchased some very private items for them, becoming rather well versed in the latest female fashion items. I can even hold a lengthy conversation on the best place to purchase your groceries, the most effective laundry detergent, and how to cook on the fly. Yes the girls have even helped me in the Church, they have given me freedom to minister, they have reminded me all too often when I have gotten a little to out there or spent too much time away from them. Did I mention, if so it is worth mentioning again, we have become inseparable, they truly are my life.
In August of this year and old friend (Deborah) who had lost her husband to cancer a year before Dawn’s passing came to Church and gave me some books on grief. Her husband and her family ministered in San Francisco and on many occasions we had served together with Outreach America and had remained in contact over the past thirteen or so years.. At the time of Brian's death they were Pastoring the Four Square Church in Red Bluff Ca. Deborah continued to attend our Church as she felt the Lord was calling her to this ministry and within a relatively short time she felt the Lord had made it clear to her that we were to be wed at some point. This was information she felt free to share with me which made me very uncomfortable, as I was in no way ready to even consider beginning a relationship with another woman. My heart still belonged to Dawn and nothing or know one would ever be allowed to come between me and the girls, I was convinced I could never love again. After several months of correspondence we arrived to the holiday season and I of course was still holding my heart captive and was not open to a relationship. Then, out of the mouth of babes (Natalie and Michaela) came a rebuke as to why I was being so rude to this nice lady Deborah. After some thought and prayer I asked the Lord to change my heart if I was being disobedient, and immediately things began to happen. Within the hour a prophet friend called and eluded to the fact that I was to enter in to a relationship, that there would be no lack of confrontations, that I was to progress as He led, step by step. The long story short is that Natalie and Michaela have fallen in love with Deborah, they laugh again, they play again, and they are happier than I have seen then since mom was diagnosed. I too fell in love with this woman of God as we began to pray and share our vision for ministry. Scriptures began to come and every day (often multiple times) we would receive confirmation and prophetic words encouraging us that this was the Lord’s plan for our lives. Natalie and Michaela have been in on every key discussion about the future and have agreed that they would like Debbie to be their step mother. All of us acknowledge that know one could replace Dawn, she was the love of my life the Children’s mother, and so much more, and she will never be forgotten. However we also acknowledge that in our life we need a help mate, dad can only do so much and lets face it with Michaela quickly approaching thirteen a woman’s touch is much appreciated. I must say however Thank You to all of the women who have taken my daughters under your wing s’ and blessed them and in such an amazing way. Therefore after much prayer and over forty days of fasting and receiving confirmation upon confirmation, I have asked deborah Officer to be my wife, to partner with me in raising the girls as well as standing beside me as we Pastor the Church. She has of course agreed to do so and there will come a day when the wedding will take place that has yet to be determined.
Many have stated things like: "it's too soon", or your "not through grieving", or any other number of statements, comments, far too many to list here. May I say this, I have asked myself all of them, most of them Natalie and Michaela have joined me in addressing, and Deborah and her children have been going through this process as well. This is no small decision to be taken lightly and let me assure you that it has not been. This decision has been bathed in prayer, confirmed with scriptures, dreams, affirmation, and miraculous works which we someday hope will be detailed in a book. We believe that the transformation in our hearts, the clarity of vision, the unity of spirits, has come about only as the result of the Lord's leading. Yes feelings and hearts are hurting and will be hurt, however we are not to allow those, nor any of our emotions to determine the path we choose. We are instead directed to call upon the Lord, to seek His will, we are called to obey a higher calling than that of our flesh, and we believe that this is what we have chosen to do. For decades my life has been an open book, for over fourteen months you have read of our pain, felt your own, prayed for us, held us, fed us, loved us, and you have supported us, today we would ask that you would continue to do so. We have many challenges ahead, but we know the Lord is going before us hence we are able to stand and withstand clothed in the full armor of God.
Dear friends I end with these words: please trust that these are not the actions of a desperate or lonely man or woman, this is not the result of someone delirious from grief. Natalie and Michaela do not love Deborah because she has taken them shopping, or because of things she has done, they love her because they see Jesus in her, and the love she has for them. They have not been deceived nor wooed into a stupor, these are the daughters of Dawn and she raised them to know better. As for myself, I have heard from the Lord, I love Deborah with all of my heart and if you know me at all you know that when i have heard clearly from the Lord nothing will deter me, not even myself. As for when we will marry I gave the Natalie and Michaela that decision before their mother passed away and they retain that same decision making power today. I know you have many questions, concerns, and even comments, please do not allow the enemy to run scenarios and cause dissension and gossip,we all know those are dangerous things. Our family will work through this as we always have, with the support of those who love us, the prayers of the saints, and most of all with the protection and guidance of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Gene Burroughs
Servant of God