Joy in the midst of Pain

A few evenings ago the girls and I were at Michaela's basketball game, (which of course they won) and we ran across a couple of college students who are very dear to us; and since College students are always hungry we of course invited them to dinner. Oh wait I need to back up a few days.
  For the past three weekends and the upcoming one I have been very busy with retreats, seminars, and weddings, all of which have prevented the girls and I from having our one complete day off together. Needless to say last Saturday I was feeling rather convicted and guilty for over scheduling my time (something I am far too guilty of), and I began to ask the Lord how I could redeem the time with my girls. Yes this sounds suspicious but I kept getting the feeling that I needed to go and purchase a game called WII Dance 2. Now mind you the girls had not asked for it or even mentioned it, so this wasn't a planted seed coming to life, no it was a new thought, I believe an inclination from the Lord. Needless to say on my way home the game found its way into my car and eventually into my living room where two girls were ecstatic with anticipation. Oh did I mention that there was also and inclination for Chinese food  (not from the Lord), and that too as well made it's way in to our home. Needless to say the fun that ensued was not suitable to be shown on facebook or you tube,(too embarrassing), but I have not laughed so hard in far too long. We danced and we laughed until we cried, and then we danced some more, let me just say my girls have got some moves, but the old man did win twice, yeah I still got it just not as much! Now back to my story, well actually just continuing on.
 After a healthy dose of chili and cornbread we were all ready to burn a few calories, so yes you guessed it, out comes WII Dance 2. Did I fail to mention that one of these college students a young woman has virtually grown up around my family and well lets just say she knows how to have fun. Here friend (not a date) is a fun young man whom we have just recently befriended and he too knows how to have a good time. Well I sat this one out and watched and laughed so hard I truly had to leave the room a few times, and I must say I was not the only one. Whomever was joining me on the sidelines had the privilege of doing so as well. After an hour or so of intense dance most were ready to move this show outside to cool off and enjoy a game of basketball. I again took the sidelines, opened the garage door and watched form afar as I worked out on the weight machine. As I watched and began to take in the surrounding scene my heart began to rejoice, and an overwhelming feeling of peace overtook me. The night was so quiet you could here a pin drop, the clouds had broken up and just a few lingered, the perfect amount to add a graceful glow to a nearly full moon beginning its rise. The only sounds were laughter and commands to cover someone or "I'm open", all sounds of joy, sounds of fun, the sounds of those who for at least a time were able to move beyond the loss.  I sat for what seemed like hours enjoying the sounds, relishing in the joy, and wondering what lies ahead. Oh yes I thought of Dawn as well, how she too would have sat beside me and laughed, how she would have dragged me up to join in the dance, oh how we loved to dance together. I thought of how she with her practical nature would have by now had girls in the showers, and ready for bed. And yet how even now if she could see she too would be smiling with me and probably shaking her head at my foolishness. It is times like this that I miss her more than ever, yet it is also times like this that help me to heal, you see there is joy after loss, we must simply seek it out, we must purpose to find it, recognize it, and take the time to enjoy it. We do not honor those who have gone on by mourning painfully, we do not honor our God by being angry and resentful, we honor them and so much more by doing what they would want us to do, by finding joy in the midst of our pain!

Healing a Broken Heart

Healing a Broken Heart


The healing of a broken heart is not something that one can quickly or readily repair, this complex organ that pumps life giving blood through our bodies is far more complicated than we could ever imagine. Our hearts are connected to every single function in our complex system of nerves, cells, veins, arteries, and so much more than we will ever understand or comprehend. No this muscle is not just a life-giving organ in complete control of our physical bodies; it is somehow connected to our emotions in such a way as to control our mental being as well. How can it be that one organ could have so much control over the entire spectrum of human existence?

You see when you experience the loss of a spouse, a child, or anyone you love, this heart that is broken remains and even intensifies in its control of every part of your being. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what state the heart is in, it can completely and utterly control our very nature of existence, our response to every situation if, we allow it to do so. Oh yes there is a caveat, if we allow it to do so! Yes it is true that without the beat of our heart our physical bodies will immediately cease to exist, my own father died of heart failure in mid sentence, they said he was dead before he hit the ground. Our bodies cease to function at the very moment our hearts cease pumping the life maintaining blood through our bodies. This is a fact and a function that we have no control over. However there is another side to the heart, the emotional side, the part that loves, hates, and controls our minds to the very degree with which we will allow it. When experiencing emotional stress our entire body, both physical and mental responds to the emotion and heartache, not just loss of love, but anger, bitterness, rage, depression, and so much more. Jesus speaking as recorded in the Bible in Matthew 15:19 says this of the heart: “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” Yes the heart is necessary to our very existence, and yes we need our heart, and yes our heart needs us. Not only does our heart need us to control what enters our bodies for its physical health, it needs us to control what exits the emotional side as well. Is it not ironic that the very emotions generated by our hearts if left unchained will ultimately cause great stress and affect the physical well being of the very heart that it came from?

All of this being said I have purposed in my heart to make a choice as the result of Dawn’s passing; “I will not die of a broken heart!” Oh yes this is a choice, a very conscious choice, for it would be much easier to die of a broken heart than to proceed through life with the scars being born on this one. But as the word tells us, we cannot trust our heart, we must take captive the emotions that proceed from it and balance them with the reality of faith, of the existence of a God who controls all things and truly desires what is best for us. Oh I know how easy it is to be mad at God for allowing someone to die; much easier than believing that this is best in the long run, but again this is my choice. I look at it like this: if I were able to understand God, or if I were god, how messed up would things be, rather I must admit, for you see I recognize that I am too controlled by my heart, and since I cannot trust it, I cannot trust me. Oh yes my heart was broken, slowly it is being healed and while forever it will be scarred the choice is mine as to how much I will allow it to lead me. I would encourage all who read this to take control of your heart, in both the physical as well as the emotional, and walk in the confidence of knowing that to a very large degree you control the outcome.

Gene Burroughs

Oh how He loves us in that I trust!

It was just Five months ago today that Dawn left her mortal body here on earth and joined the Lord and many other friends and family in heaven. It feels like it has been so much longer than it has, the pain of loss tends to weigh so heavy that you truly do feel at times like it was so long ago. Just this morning I was listening to Dawn's favorite song on the way home from dropping Michaela at school, I was glad I had already dropped her off, for two reasons. One being that this song pours in to our brains memories of our trip to Mexico last summer, fond memories of an amazing adventure. We were serving in San Vicente at the Remnant Center with Dan and Amalia Vallotton, we were leading a team of about 20 or so youth and adults. On the first night as we sat reminiscing the days adventure a young lady began to sing the most amazing of songs, her voice was fluid and angelic, the words obviously coming from the depths of her heart, there was no doubt she believed every word. You couldn't help but be captivated and before long all of us were drawn into the presence of God as we joined in the Chorus; "He loves us oh how he loves us, oh how He loves". It was then and there on that night that Dawn began to sing and hum that song on a seemingly never ending basis, and it honestly never grew old. Some songs you get in your head and the frustration of repeating them over and over in your mind causes it to be even more annoying as you can in no way get it out of your head. But not this song, not these words, no these words always bring comfort, always bring peace, and always for me fond memories of a more peaceful time, a time where Dawn was alive and serving beside me and her children.
In addition this song brings a peace like few other spoken or words put to music can bring, why? Because they are true, and because I can relate to them. You see I know what it means to love, and even more so I know what it means to love someone you were a part of creating, a child. I understand the depth of that love, and in some way it helps me to understand the depth of His love for me. I love my children with a love that cannot be placed into words, with a love that would cause me to sacrifice my own life if needed to for them. This is not a love I was forced to have, or had to learn or be trained in, no this was an instantaneous love that formed the very first nano second I laid eyes on each of them. This is a love that has no bounds, I am after all incapable of loving one more than the other, this is and must be the very essence of love, and yet He loves me (and you) more than I could ever love them, and there in lies the comfort. On this the five month anniversary of Dawn's passing His love for me is the blanket that warms me, that comforts me and brings my heart to peace. You see I do understand a Father's love and I would never allow anything to happen to my children that was not ultimately the very best for them. If I being a man limited by my humanness feel this way about my children then how much more does He feel toward me? Hence I know that He feels our pain, He feels our loss, He knows the outcome, and He being God has decided that this is what is best for us. How do I know you ask, because He could never inflict pain or hurt on any of His children, again because of that great love. 
Dawn visited heaven before she died, she walked with the Lord, and she shared her stories with us, and for as long as she could, she sang this song; "Oh how He loves us", and that my friends is all the proof I need! He is my God, He loves me, and in that I will trust!

It's the Journey

For the last few months I have been taking the Church through the book of Acts, actually a better way to put it is that I have been led through the book by the Spirit and dragged everyone else in my life along with me. I can only hope that those around me are able to enjoy what I am learning as much as I am, because quite honestly there is nothing I know of that brings the same joy and sense of understanding as being led through the Word. As I wrap it up one thing has become ever so apparent, the destination is not the goal, it's the journey! Dawn could be heard saying this quite often as she cast her wise counsel on those seeking encouragement, and honestly while I agreed with that statement in fact, I truly did not understand the depth of it until now. You see Paul had been told by the Holy Spirit that he was to go to Jerusalem and then to Rome, that "chains and tribulation awaited him" however he was not dissuaded. No he continued on, and while on his journey he continued steadfastly in the work God had  called him to do, to share the gospel. The destination was not Paul's focus, his focus was rather to do what God had called him to do everyday to the very best of his ability. As I look over the past thirty plus years of Dawn and I serving the Lord I am so grateful that we chose to be obedient in the journey. How pitiful and dull would Dawn's passing have been if she simply focused on the destination, if she had never given a second thought to the journey? I dare say there would not have been the great outpouring of prayer and support, or the large number of people at her service, or more importantly the people who will join her someday as a result of her service and sacrifice. Oh how hopeless would life be today if she had focused on herself, her destination, her reward? Quite so I would imagine, (and thank the Lord imagine is all I can do). How sad would her children and grandchildren be if this woman who was the patriarch of the family had never focused on the journey, again we will never know. Instead we have children and prayerfully someday grandchildren who are dedicated to following in the footsteps of this mighty woman of God. They too are choosing daily to focus upon the journey, to keep alive the hope of Jesus Christ, to as they have seen done! Just today Natalie and I were able to share the vision of ministry the Lord has placed upon each of our hearts for those who are hopeless. Oh how proud I was and Dawn would be to hear my fifteen year old daughter share how she is choosing to share a message of hope, how she wants to help others especially youth who are going through a similar trial. She has a passion to show the youth how selfish they are if they have parents that they are taking for granted, she too desires to focus on the journey, as does Michaela.
Oh what a different world it would be if all of us who call Him king were to do the same, if we would seek Him daily for our daily direction. If we would only stop reviling in our reward and seek to show others the way to find there's. If we would but place our pride on the shelf long enough to humble ourselves and admit our challenges, our fears, and our failings, so that others too could see they are not alone. I challenge you today that if you are one who was changed by Dawn's journey, will you step up and do the same for others, can we all in the face of adversity focus on the journey. After all did dawn ever reach her final destination on earth, or was her life just a journey? Of course it was and so is ours.

PS If you no anyone seeking camp, retreat, or other event speakers the Holy Spirit, my daughters, and I are putting together a presentation that will rock their world!

A Glimpse of True Reality

Today the hottest rage on television seems to be the so called "reality shows", from the biggest loser, to the greatest race and everything in between people are hooked on so called "reality". I must confess that I watch very little reality TV because for me that is not my reality, it is someone else's, and my reality is more than I can handle so why add someone else's to the mix. Yet in many ways I believe we as followers of Christ can learn much from this trend that has hit our world, because you see this is not just another American trend, this is a worldwide trend. If indeed people are seeking reality then why not show them true reality, the reality of the struggles of a truly typical person, the reality of true life. What is the reality of life, or better yet what are the realities of life? Well let's start at the beginning; we are conceived in much pleasure, born through much pain, we are trained by our environment, encapsulated and conditioned by our culture, we strive for success, struggle with insecurity, doubt, fear, and lack of self confidence, we succeed as some things , fail at others, are constantly being compared to others, and no matter how high we may arise in stature there is always someone who has or will knock us off of our pedestal. If we have food we eat if we don't we die, if we have shelter we are comfortable if not we accept and adapt, if were rich rich were spoiled if were poor were thankful, and all of us are searching for peace, love and acceptance. We have a plan for our life and no matter how much we strive to accomplish it in the end it is our culture and economics that dictate more control than we could have ever imagined. If we marry we struggle to remain so, if we stay single we often desire not to be, if we have children they control our lives more than we could have ever imagined, and they teach us a side of love that can in no other way be attained. We strive to attain our goals, and after years of trials our bodies begin to fail and with great struggle we leave this world the same in which we came, naked with nothing. You see this truly is reality, oh yes I left out the parts of joy and laughter, not so much because I want to slant the truth, but no my intent was to create a more stark reality. You see the truth is that no matter how many moments of laughter, joy, or accomplishments we experience life is truly filled with great struggles, trials, and moments of pain and suffering. No amount of money, no number of friends, and no large collection of distractions can ever change the truth,"Life is Hard". It is conceived with pleasure birthed in pain it ends in pain and if you believe it will end for you in pleasure, this is reality. Having experienced this pain in such an amazing way this year I can say that I am happy for Dawn that her journey has ended in pleasure, and may her memory do so as well. You see people want to see hope, they want to see that yes we can experience this pain without failure, without utter desperation, we can not only survive we can thrive, and by doing so we help others to do so as well. This morning I had a thought that while it may offend some I do believe it to be quite true. I was walking by a koi fish pond yesterday  and I noticed that the fish were constantly searching for something to eat, they never stopped opening their mouths it was a s if they new something good was coming and they did not want to miss it, so they kept searching for it as if it were already there. I see many people in our world today in very much the same place, they are searching for hope, joy, peace, gratification, and much more, and they are so hungry they just keep their mouths open in pursuit of truth. And just as the koi respond when the food hits the water, they gobble up the truth with reckless abandon hoping to be filled and not miss a bite. The people of our world are searching for reality, not just the written reality but they are searching to see that reality lived out. Yes I believe that every question and every direction we need answers to is in the word of God, the Bible, and when you combine that with the ability to see this truth lived out around you that is reality, the reality that transforms lives. Yes I believe the things I have read, yes I believe that God is faithful, yes I believe the word is true, and when I live these beliefs out in the midst of trial then you too can see that yes, this is reality. It is this true reality that I believe people are seeking today, not the canned Christian response that says these are the promises complete with address and page number, no but the reality of stepping out and living those promises in the face of complete adversity even when the circumstances say otherwise. People are hungry for the truth, can we give it to them please, can we now and forever be real with one another and stop playing the games, no it's not all good, yes it is painful, but there is hope, and it is hope that we must walk in, hope that we must believe to be true, hope that lives within us, for what they see, that is the true "glimpse of true reality".

Worthy of Her Memory

    The story of Dawn's sickness and passing was one that touched so many lives, many more than either of us could have ever known. And as you can imagine the past few months have been exceptionally difficult for me and the girls, I believe that it is only now that the stark reality of Dawn's passing is beginning to sink in; one reason of course my writing had ceased. However today I have once again cause for celebration reason to write, reason's that are so uplifting and exciting I dare not keep them to myself, for they truly are "worthy of her memory". A few months ago I was asked to be the keynote speaker for a Calvary Chapel Men's Conference in Woodleaf Ca. which was held this past weekend. After little prayer and consideration it was more than obvious the Lord had placed this opportunity before me and that His desire was for me to share. The title of the weekend was "The Journey of a lifetime" and our assignment was to share on the life of our favorite men of great faith in the Bible, I of course chose Paul. Why? Because I can relate to Paul, he met God in a great encounter his faith was unwavering, and his life was one trial after another. This past Friday morning (the girls were all in Medford) I awoke with much excitement and anticipation, I was going to arrive early, walk the grounds and pray and just get in the God groove if you know what I mean. My pickup is loaded, I'm making one last pass through the house, and suddenly I feel a little faint, then a pain begins to quickly develop in my stomach, oh yeah, not good! I spent the remainder of the day in and out of consciousness never far from the bathroom and on more than one occasion I was seeing things and carrying on conversations with people who were not there. I did manage to get out a few prayers and text messages and I'm sorry if you received a text that made no sense and I have already asked the Lord to forgive me for any complaining I was doing. At 3am I awoke in my bed, in excruciating pain but able to function, fully aware that I was now very late in arriving at my destination.
  I arrived at Woodleaf at 6:30 am looking much like a man who had been hit by a Mack truck, I know this because every man I saw even those who didn't know me commented on the fact that I looked like I had been hit by a truck, who knows maybe I was!
Once I was able to get my wits about me I began to get excited about what was going to happen, you see the enemy was worried enough to try very hard to stop me, and the Lord was making sure I got there. Yes I must admit sometimes I do feel like the rope in a spiritual tug of war, especially right now when my ribs are hurting form the inside out with every breath, the result of the strain that comes from turning your body inside out.
 The message I had prepared for Saturday night was one filled with many references to the word and I interlaced so brilliantly my own struggles with Dawn's passing and the promises of God and I was actually rather proud of what I had done, with the Lord's help of course. There was now only one problem; as a result of my day of sickness and misery and no doubt the will of God I now had no clue, no understanding of my notes, and no ability to recollect a single point! I walked up to the platform surrendered, fearful, and yet confident that the Lord was in control, after all He brought me here, He allowed the sickness, and of course He has a plan, all I need to do is obey. By the way it's much easier said than done therefore "Warning Do Not Try This On Your Own"! Still not sure where I was going I prayed and began to read the first passage, it was then that I heard His voice, "tonight share from the passion of your pain (in regards to Dawn)" within 30 seconds a room filled with over 300 noisy men both young old became so quiet I dare say you could have heard a pin drop! Jaws began dropping, tears began flowing, and the Spirit of the living God filled the room, and me, while I just waited for Him to tell me what to do next, and of course He was faithful! Men gave their lives to Christ, repented for sin, they came forward for all types of prayer from the team of Calvary Chapel Pastors assembled at the altar. Many men I prayed for called their wives to ask for forgiveness, some just came to weep, some to be encouraged, some just needed to be heard, but they all wanted more of Jesus and I pray they found Him. I take no credit for what happened on Saturday Night in 2010 at Woodleaf, that belongs to Him and Him alone, for He is worthy, I however am not. There many men who spoke, many who prayed, and many of you who were praying for us, all a vital part in the transformation of men's lives and prayerfully now in those of their families as they take home what they have received. I came a way with two very strong points to this weekend, one was shared with me by almost every one of the two hundred or so men who sought me out  I am now and forever committed to continue to preach the Word, as well as to live the Word, for each compliments the other and people need to see it! The second is this, that Dawn's memory, her influence, her steadfast love for the Father and commitment to servanthood live on and the message of her life and passing must as well. For hers is a story worth telling, a life worth reliving, and each time we share it, the lives of those who hear cannot help but be changed, because after all, it really is all about Jesus!