What a Glorious Day That Will Be
In recent years we have been hearing a phrase repeated at an increasing rate, a phrase that can often be misunderstood and taken out of proper context. This phrase “the bride of Christ” is one that immediately causes the mind of each hearer to arrive at any one of a number of conclusions. For most men it just seems weird to be called a bride, for some it causes great comfort, for others confusion as to the meaning, and so on. For myself it has always been an area I simply avoided, while I believe I understand the heart of God behind it, I struggled in my flesh with being looked upon as a bride, for one thing I felt very unworthy. If I think of a bride I in-vision one who is pure, one who has protected themselves from impurity, a virgin, one prepared in her heart to be joined for the first time to her eternal mate.
When Dawn and I were married I truly did not understand the gift that she was to me, having not been walking with the Lord the very concept of being joined to another for life was filled with misconceptions and uninformed ideologies all of which were more influenced by the perverted world than they were by the purity of God. It was only after far too many years that I look upon the gift that Dawn gave me with the value it deserved, she had given me herself, something she had given no other man, no other person shared in the gift we had. The intimacy of our relationship was an intimacy shared by no other, it was undefiled, faithful, and true, what a gift!
Today my view on my bride is one that is much different, one that few others have the privilege of understanding, a privilege that comes at such a high cost. You see I now am beginning to truly understand for myself what it means to wait for your bride, to desire to see her, to desire to be joined to her once again. Yes I know that our relationship in heaven will be much different, but nonetheless at that time we will both rejoice in knowing that the path we chose in life was truly one of eternal life in Christ. Someday i will see her again, someday we will share the stories of what we have seen in our time apart, someday she will lead me on a tour of heaven, someday we will reunite, someday I will see my bride!
As I write this I of course have tears streaming from my eyes, my heart pounds with emotion and anticipation, and yet the pain is almost more than I can bare. I wonder, is this how the Lord feels about us? Is He also anxiously anticipating our arrival or the return of Christ? Could it be that the God who created the Heavens and the earth is as excited to be rejoined with me as I am to be rejoined with my bride? Could it be that the great I Am is anticipating the wedding feast?
Again I think back to our wedding day in Shasta Lake California in an small Pentecostal Church a woman dressed in white coming down the isle desiring to be joined to her groom. The white of her dress signifying the purity of her life, and her steadfast commitment to remain undefiled for her groom, her one love. Then I in-vision myself, I too am a bride, I too am dressed in white, i too am now undefiled, as I wait for my redeemer. No I have not lived a our life, no I have not always made the right choices, and yet because of the payment Christ has made for me, I am undefiled, I am prepared for the wedding feast. No God is not going to marry us, an no we will not have physical intimacy, but I do believe that we are to be prepared, ready, and anxiously awaiting the return of our King, someday we will be joined with Him for eternity. Now I understand, now I see, He waits for me, just as I wait for my bride, and oh what a glorious day that will be!
Gene Burroughs Servant of God
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Seeking Him First
“Seeking Him First”
*Dawn Burroughs truly was an amazing woman, not just because she was my wife, or the mother of my children, but rather because for one thing she truly loved the Lord. Her dedication to the Lord and His people was deeply rooted in her steadfast conviction of always doing what was right. You see she never would consider doing anything that she felt went against what was right,or what God would have her do, no matter what. Was she afraid of God, no, was she afraid of disappointing God, yes, and that in itself was one of the greatest things that contributed to her amazing character. The thought of disappointing God would often wake her (and consequently me) at night. Sometimes in the night she would awaken and be completely consumed with worry that somehow she had done something, made a decision, or had spoken words that would somehow disappoint the Lord. There were times that she simply had a thought that she new was not pleasing to the Lord, and yes once again we would be awake, me in a stupor, and us discussing the grace and the mercy of God. You see Dawn took the Lord very serious, she refused to take His love for granted, she refused to abuse His grace or His mercy, she understood the cost and hence the value of Christ’s blood. The mere thought of taking advantage of God’s grace and mercies would send her into a downward spiral of self loathing and conviction, one that sometimes became difficult to help her out of. I can remember at times being so frustrated with her extreme guilt, I would do all I could to minimize her fears and remind her that none of us are perfect, that it is the striving for perfection that God desires, not the perfection. I would remind her that if we could be perfect then there would be no need for the cross, or the sacrifice that Jesus has made for us. And yes while she was aware of these things and knew them to be true, more importantly she knew her heart, she knew that in it was not only the ability but sometimes even the desire to fail, to choose the passion of the flesh over the will of God. The testimony of her became how rarely she would succumb to those desires, how she was able to remain steadfast and allow her convictions to outweigh her passions.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in this life came form this woman, my friend, my spouse, my confidant, and that lesson was this; “Make your passion to do the will of God”. You see Dawn’s struggle was far less than my own, or that of many others, simply for one reason if no other, her passion, her desire, was to do the will of God, and she knew what that was. She understood the role of a woman, she knew that her first responsibility before God was to love and serve Him, then to love and serve me, followed by loving and serving her children, and lastly, loving and serving His people, His church. Dawn knew that God came first, above all else, that her relationship with everyone else was completely dependent upon her relationship with Him. It took decades of struggling with the role of being provider and husband, thinking that as the world teaches I had to provide before I finally understood the true secret to success, this secret that Dawn had known for so long,(and tried to teach me). You see true success, true provision, true service in proper order only comes form one place, it comes from the Father, it comes as a byproduct of your pursuit and desire to know your God! True happiness, true love, true understanding, these are all attributes of those who love the Lord and seek Him first, they are the passions of Godly people. Dare I say this, wining the ball game, killing the biggest buck, having the shapeliest body, or being the best at anything, is all in vain if it does not begin with being passionate for Him. You see these things may happen as a result of seeking Him and making Him your passion, however only after you have done so, not before.
Dawn has left me a changed man, she has shown me by her life and consequent passing what truly is the most important thing, seeking Him first, being passionate for Christ. Jesus should never be a crutch, His blood never a super glue that holds it all together as we continue to break it all apart. No, He should be our all in all, the one who lifts us up, the one who we seek to serve, the one we place first even over our own desires, and then and only then will it all make sense. Dawn’s passing is slowly beginning to make much more sense to me, because I know why she served, I know who she loved, and I know how faithful He is, and I know He loves me and my children, and like Dawn our desire is now above all to please Him!
Gene Burroughs Pastor
*Dawn Burroughs truly was an amazing woman, not just because she was my wife, or the mother of my children, but rather because for one thing she truly loved the Lord. Her dedication to the Lord and His people was deeply rooted in her steadfast conviction of always doing what was right. You see she never would consider doing anything that she felt went against what was right,or what God would have her do, no matter what. Was she afraid of God, no, was she afraid of disappointing God, yes, and that in itself was one of the greatest things that contributed to her amazing character. The thought of disappointing God would often wake her (and consequently me) at night. Sometimes in the night she would awaken and be completely consumed with worry that somehow she had done something, made a decision, or had spoken words that would somehow disappoint the Lord. There were times that she simply had a thought that she new was not pleasing to the Lord, and yes once again we would be awake, me in a stupor, and us discussing the grace and the mercy of God. You see Dawn took the Lord very serious, she refused to take His love for granted, she refused to abuse His grace or His mercy, she understood the cost and hence the value of Christ’s blood. The mere thought of taking advantage of God’s grace and mercies would send her into a downward spiral of self loathing and conviction, one that sometimes became difficult to help her out of. I can remember at times being so frustrated with her extreme guilt, I would do all I could to minimize her fears and remind her that none of us are perfect, that it is the striving for perfection that God desires, not the perfection. I would remind her that if we could be perfect then there would be no need for the cross, or the sacrifice that Jesus has made for us. And yes while she was aware of these things and knew them to be true, more importantly she knew her heart, she knew that in it was not only the ability but sometimes even the desire to fail, to choose the passion of the flesh over the will of God. The testimony of her became how rarely she would succumb to those desires, how she was able to remain steadfast and allow her convictions to outweigh her passions.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in this life came form this woman, my friend, my spouse, my confidant, and that lesson was this; “Make your passion to do the will of God”. You see Dawn’s struggle was far less than my own, or that of many others, simply for one reason if no other, her passion, her desire, was to do the will of God, and she knew what that was. She understood the role of a woman, she knew that her first responsibility before God was to love and serve Him, then to love and serve me, followed by loving and serving her children, and lastly, loving and serving His people, His church. Dawn knew that God came first, above all else, that her relationship with everyone else was completely dependent upon her relationship with Him. It took decades of struggling with the role of being provider and husband, thinking that as the world teaches I had to provide before I finally understood the true secret to success, this secret that Dawn had known for so long,(and tried to teach me). You see true success, true provision, true service in proper order only comes form one place, it comes from the Father, it comes as a byproduct of your pursuit and desire to know your God! True happiness, true love, true understanding, these are all attributes of those who love the Lord and seek Him first, they are the passions of Godly people. Dare I say this, wining the ball game, killing the biggest buck, having the shapeliest body, or being the best at anything, is all in vain if it does not begin with being passionate for Him. You see these things may happen as a result of seeking Him and making Him your passion, however only after you have done so, not before.
Dawn has left me a changed man, she has shown me by her life and consequent passing what truly is the most important thing, seeking Him first, being passionate for Christ. Jesus should never be a crutch, His blood never a super glue that holds it all together as we continue to break it all apart. No, He should be our all in all, the one who lifts us up, the one who we seek to serve, the one we place first even over our own desires, and then and only then will it all make sense. Dawn’s passing is slowly beginning to make much more sense to me, because I know why she served, I know who she loved, and I know how faithful He is, and I know He loves me and my children, and like Dawn our desire is now above all to please Him!
Gene Burroughs Pastor
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Lord get me through the night
Lord Get me through the night
Last night was an exceptionally difficult night for me, one filled with dreams, (or should I call them nightmares) about Dawn. In every case I was waiting for her to return from a ministry event she had been attending, and in every case she never came home. I would find myself searching for her, calling friends, and driving to places where she might be, yet all to no avail. I would awake each time with an all too familiar ache in my heart, reach for her, and once again an all too familiar empty bed. Yet even though there is pain and disappointment at the conclusion of each dream,I find myself seeking, wanting, desiring to never stop dreaming about her, to never stop searching for her, I find myself never wanting to give up hope that this has all been just a long nightmare, and soon I will awake and find her here.
I have received so much advice and shade tree council from folks, (all I am confident desiring to ease my pain), and they tell me “it will all be better some day”, or “don’t worry you will get over it” but will I or do I even want to? Somehow in the midst of my grief I truly wonder if one can ever get over the loss of a spouse of 31 plus years. If as the Bible says the “two shall become one” how can one ever be healed to the point of forgetting, from being torn in half? In 1983 I was playing baseball and fractured my leg, tore my ligaments, and dislocated my ankle, it was over a year and after multiple surgeries and hours of physical therapy before I was able to walk again. My leg and ankle are forever scarred from those surgeries, and sometimes a little pain reminds me of my former injury. I have been forever altered, changed for life by that accident, and yet as severe as it was it is not worthy to be in the same category of loosing my spouse. Almost 22 years ago my father died very unexpectedly and it took well over a year to heal from his sudden loss, and while yes I was a part of him, we were not one!
It has been just eight short weeks tomorrow since Dawns passing, and to those who said it would get worse before it got better, you were correct. You see I don’t believe for one moment that things will ever return to what normal was for me and my family. I don’t think we will ever get over this, but rather this is what and who we have become. I will forever be a widow, my children will have forever lost their mom, my grandchildren their grandmother, my son in law his mom in law, and so on. Hence we are now different people than we were, our goals are new, our dreams have changed, our desires have been altered, our purpose redefined, and yet it all remains to be done for His glory.
You see Dawn and I had a very purposeful and intense life, we have always been very serious about raising our children, and serving the Lord, we lived our life together with the knowledge that some day we would stand before God. We purposed to seek God’s will for us and then do all we could to accomplish it. Now more than ever that same intensity is rising up in my children and in myself, because we now know that all too soon this will all end. We have become even more serious about the purpose of man, about what it means to serve God no matter what He calls you to do, or what it costs you. This is not a game for us, Church is not a social club, youth group is not a hang out, being a Christian is not easy nor should it be. All we know and believe, the hope we have for salvation, it has all come at such a high price, yes Jesus gave His innocent life for us and that alone should be enough, and yet let us not forget the countless thousands or possibly millions who have given their lives for the Gospel. I pray that we would never forget, that we would never take for granted that which we have so easily received.
No we will never again be who we were, nor do we desire to be, we will never forget, we will never completely heal, and I pray that we wouldn’t. This new found joy in Christ, this new found desire to hold on His every word, this new found realization of the cost of our lives, these are the things we desire to hold fresh on our lips. And as long as there is pain in the memory of our loss the intensity with which we serve will continue to burn as a white hot flame. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow holds, yet I must get through the night, the night filled with dreams that rain down pain on my heart , and for that I can honestly say, I am grateful.
Gene Burroughs Pastor
Last night was an exceptionally difficult night for me, one filled with dreams, (or should I call them nightmares) about Dawn. In every case I was waiting for her to return from a ministry event she had been attending, and in every case she never came home. I would find myself searching for her, calling friends, and driving to places where she might be, yet all to no avail. I would awake each time with an all too familiar ache in my heart, reach for her, and once again an all too familiar empty bed. Yet even though there is pain and disappointment at the conclusion of each dream,I find myself seeking, wanting, desiring to never stop dreaming about her, to never stop searching for her, I find myself never wanting to give up hope that this has all been just a long nightmare, and soon I will awake and find her here.
I have received so much advice and shade tree council from folks, (all I am confident desiring to ease my pain), and they tell me “it will all be better some day”, or “don’t worry you will get over it” but will I or do I even want to? Somehow in the midst of my grief I truly wonder if one can ever get over the loss of a spouse of 31 plus years. If as the Bible says the “two shall become one” how can one ever be healed to the point of forgetting, from being torn in half? In 1983 I was playing baseball and fractured my leg, tore my ligaments, and dislocated my ankle, it was over a year and after multiple surgeries and hours of physical therapy before I was able to walk again. My leg and ankle are forever scarred from those surgeries, and sometimes a little pain reminds me of my former injury. I have been forever altered, changed for life by that accident, and yet as severe as it was it is not worthy to be in the same category of loosing my spouse. Almost 22 years ago my father died very unexpectedly and it took well over a year to heal from his sudden loss, and while yes I was a part of him, we were not one!
It has been just eight short weeks tomorrow since Dawns passing, and to those who said it would get worse before it got better, you were correct. You see I don’t believe for one moment that things will ever return to what normal was for me and my family. I don’t think we will ever get over this, but rather this is what and who we have become. I will forever be a widow, my children will have forever lost their mom, my grandchildren their grandmother, my son in law his mom in law, and so on. Hence we are now different people than we were, our goals are new, our dreams have changed, our desires have been altered, our purpose redefined, and yet it all remains to be done for His glory.
You see Dawn and I had a very purposeful and intense life, we have always been very serious about raising our children, and serving the Lord, we lived our life together with the knowledge that some day we would stand before God. We purposed to seek God’s will for us and then do all we could to accomplish it. Now more than ever that same intensity is rising up in my children and in myself, because we now know that all too soon this will all end. We have become even more serious about the purpose of man, about what it means to serve God no matter what He calls you to do, or what it costs you. This is not a game for us, Church is not a social club, youth group is not a hang out, being a Christian is not easy nor should it be. All we know and believe, the hope we have for salvation, it has all come at such a high price, yes Jesus gave His innocent life for us and that alone should be enough, and yet let us not forget the countless thousands or possibly millions who have given their lives for the Gospel. I pray that we would never forget, that we would never take for granted that which we have so easily received.
No we will never again be who we were, nor do we desire to be, we will never forget, we will never completely heal, and I pray that we wouldn’t. This new found joy in Christ, this new found desire to hold on His every word, this new found realization of the cost of our lives, these are the things we desire to hold fresh on our lips. And as long as there is pain in the memory of our loss the intensity with which we serve will continue to burn as a white hot flame. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow holds, yet I must get through the night, the night filled with dreams that rain down pain on my heart , and for that I can honestly say, I am grateful.
Gene Burroughs Pastor
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Intimacy WIthout Inhibition
Intimacy without Inhibition
Yes it has been quite some time since my last writing, a sign my friends of the intense grief I have been experiencing. It is as if I am just beginning to realize how much I am going to miss Dawn. Not just in the sense of touching, seeing, and being with her, but even more so in the sense of having someone to share my thoughts, fears, and ideas with in an intimate way. And when I say intimate I don’t mean anything sexual by it, because true intimacy has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with uninhibited open and honest communication, without fear of retribution or correction (which often leads to sex because of it’s intense appeal). Intimacy was I believe designed by God to take man and woman to a place of oneness that has far to often been confused and degraded by being limited to an act of physical expression between two people. If you have doubts just ask men to define intimacy, or young sexually active girls who have never been able to communicate with their fathers, or young men who often have gay tendencies. I contend to you that by and large you will be given an answer that approaches the definition of intimacy as something primarily sexual in nature. However I speak to you as one who has lost both the ability to communicate in the physical as well as the verbal sense with the one I was one with and the greater part of intimacy was and is most assuredly the verbal communication.
Recently while visiting dear friends in Kansas City I was asking the Lord about the future, I was seeking from Him an answer as to who I would be able to confide in, who could I be intimate with. After all if a man becomes completely open and intimate with another woman the result will in most cases end in a physical or committed relationship. It is I believe rather impossible for true intimacy in verbal communication with one of the opposite sex to not end up leading to a committed relationship because again it is very appealing, (something I am committed not to do). I am not able to be intimate with other men because quite honestly we men don’t understand intimacy well enough on our own so we need the woman to help us in our expression, and besides that it would just be weird! That is when the Lord allowed me to hear Mike Bickell of IHOP (International House of Prayer), give his definition of intimacy with God. Now I must admit that I could not quote it without misrepresenting him, but what I can do is share with you what the Lord spoke to me. The Lord made it very clear to me that I and I believe all single people can have intimacy with God to a greater degree than we can have with people. A type of intimacy that reaches to the very depths of our souls, and intimacy that exists without the trappings of lust and desire, an intimacy free off the sexual desire that is the result of the beauty and comfort of true and complete honesty and openness between two beings. For the first time in my life I truly understand what the Lord is saying when He says He desires to be intimate with His people, and quite honestly I think I like it. You see not only is this intimacy not clouded with physical attraction it is no longer clouded by opinion, emotional influence, fear, or any other of the worldly influences that so often inhibit true intimacy and honesty. Even in our deepest moments of honesty Dawn and I would often temper our communication in anticipation of the response we feared the other might have, in other words we were not always completely honest with each other. Guess what, I can’t help but be honest with God, He already knows my thoughts, my fears, and all of my conditions, so our intimacy can be nothing but true and real!
I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I truly miss the physical side of my intimacy with Dawn, (no not just sex), there i said it. I miss her touch, her voice, her hand in mine, our talks, our times of laughter, and yes even our times of heated discussion, right now an argument with Dawn would bring me great joy, for at least I could see her, I could hear her, and yes we could make up, (many tears right now). But I know that this is not to be, however in her absence I am exploring and learning the meaning of true intimacy, and my Father can and will fill that role, and oh what a blessing it has become and will continue to be, intimacy without inhibition.
Gene Burroughs
Pastor Shasta Lake Church
Yes it has been quite some time since my last writing, a sign my friends of the intense grief I have been experiencing. It is as if I am just beginning to realize how much I am going to miss Dawn. Not just in the sense of touching, seeing, and being with her, but even more so in the sense of having someone to share my thoughts, fears, and ideas with in an intimate way. And when I say intimate I don’t mean anything sexual by it, because true intimacy has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with uninhibited open and honest communication, without fear of retribution or correction (which often leads to sex because of it’s intense appeal). Intimacy was I believe designed by God to take man and woman to a place of oneness that has far to often been confused and degraded by being limited to an act of physical expression between two people. If you have doubts just ask men to define intimacy, or young sexually active girls who have never been able to communicate with their fathers, or young men who often have gay tendencies. I contend to you that by and large you will be given an answer that approaches the definition of intimacy as something primarily sexual in nature. However I speak to you as one who has lost both the ability to communicate in the physical as well as the verbal sense with the one I was one with and the greater part of intimacy was and is most assuredly the verbal communication.
Recently while visiting dear friends in Kansas City I was asking the Lord about the future, I was seeking from Him an answer as to who I would be able to confide in, who could I be intimate with. After all if a man becomes completely open and intimate with another woman the result will in most cases end in a physical or committed relationship. It is I believe rather impossible for true intimacy in verbal communication with one of the opposite sex to not end up leading to a committed relationship because again it is very appealing, (something I am committed not to do). I am not able to be intimate with other men because quite honestly we men don’t understand intimacy well enough on our own so we need the woman to help us in our expression, and besides that it would just be weird! That is when the Lord allowed me to hear Mike Bickell of IHOP (International House of Prayer), give his definition of intimacy with God. Now I must admit that I could not quote it without misrepresenting him, but what I can do is share with you what the Lord spoke to me. The Lord made it very clear to me that I and I believe all single people can have intimacy with God to a greater degree than we can have with people. A type of intimacy that reaches to the very depths of our souls, and intimacy that exists without the trappings of lust and desire, an intimacy free off the sexual desire that is the result of the beauty and comfort of true and complete honesty and openness between two beings. For the first time in my life I truly understand what the Lord is saying when He says He desires to be intimate with His people, and quite honestly I think I like it. You see not only is this intimacy not clouded with physical attraction it is no longer clouded by opinion, emotional influence, fear, or any other of the worldly influences that so often inhibit true intimacy and honesty. Even in our deepest moments of honesty Dawn and I would often temper our communication in anticipation of the response we feared the other might have, in other words we were not always completely honest with each other. Guess what, I can’t help but be honest with God, He already knows my thoughts, my fears, and all of my conditions, so our intimacy can be nothing but true and real!
I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I truly miss the physical side of my intimacy with Dawn, (no not just sex), there i said it. I miss her touch, her voice, her hand in mine, our talks, our times of laughter, and yes even our times of heated discussion, right now an argument with Dawn would bring me great joy, for at least I could see her, I could hear her, and yes we could make up, (many tears right now). But I know that this is not to be, however in her absence I am exploring and learning the meaning of true intimacy, and my Father can and will fill that role, and oh what a blessing it has become and will continue to be, intimacy without inhibition.
Gene Burroughs
Pastor Shasta Lake Church
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