My Honest Answer

My Honest Answer
I awoke this morning as I do most now pondering the events of the previous day and considering what this day may hold in store; what new challenges will we face, will there be any victories? Yesterday a dear friend and relative asked me how I was doing, and how I was getting through this. I can honestly say I was not able to give him a quick canned or spiritually motivated biblically referenced answer; it’s not that I didn’t have one; it is rather that my friend wanted to know honestly how I was getting through this. I think that all too often we as believers (me included) have been quick to quote passages or quotes we picked up somewhere in order to in all honesty mask the pain that we were truly feeling. When in reality we are human flesh first and believers second, and the further reality is that sometimes we truly are in pain, or are hurting, and yet we are not completely honest for one reason or another. Therefore in the spirit of complete and open honesty I would like to share with whoever reads this exactly how I am feeling, and how I am coping with the probable loss of my wife of 31+ years, the mother of my three children, my best friend, the most Godly and supportive person I have ever met, and my partner in ministry and in life, the only person who truly knows and understands me. First of all I am angry that it is happening, not at God, or at man, I am angry that because of the fall of mankind this pain can and is inflicted upon people every day. I am disappointed in myself for ever neglecting to understand how much pain others have suffered when their loved ones have gone on. I am hurting for my children, this is not a road that they should be required to travel, their pain is real and they are still very young to be losing their mother, (even Katie), and even though we have been completely honest and open the reality of this loss will continue for their lifetime. I am confident however that will be able to grow from this, that if their mother does pass they truly will be able to heal, and eventually increase their faith as a result. I am fearful of what the future may hold; will we have a home, will I be able to provide adequately for them, can I get and stay healthy, and so on and so on. And then I am reminded,” My God is Faithful”, I don’t work for man I serve Him, He is the God who has provided for all of our needs, He has taken these vessels formed from dirt and made them whole and complete, and He promises in His word that He “will never leave nor forsake us” and He has never done so. You ask me how do I have the strength to get through this, the strength to face the future, may I boldly say in all honesty, “I lift my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2). No really I am being honest now, I am not mad at God, I am not calloused, I am not happy, I am fearful, I am concerned, I am weak and unable to face this challenge on my own, I am full of so many emotions that I cannot describe them all, but I know beyond all doubt where my strength is coming from!
The question I have in my mind now however is this; “how does anyone face such pain, sorrow, loss, fear, and anguish, without the help of the God who not only made them but also made heaven and earth? This is the question I cannot answer with any honesty, insight, or understanding. Please hear me when I say I would never judge those who do not have this faith and I am truly sorry for ever doing so. However I don’t know how they can do it, you see if I look at my honest response, and remove faith and hope from my answer then all I see is darkness and despair and if belief in God does nothing more than help one cope with such darkness and despair upon this earth then isn’t it worth the effort. Is it not worth looking in to, it cost us nothing, there is little required of us, we don’t even have to go to Church, all we need do is believe, I wonder is it really that difficult to do so? I honestly don’t know dear friends, I have believed so long I cannot imagine what it is like not to, I only know that my strength comes from the Lord and my only disappointment is in the enemies ability to sell the lie to so many. Please don’t buy it from him, he is the greatest liar and con-man of all time, he has sold many on the idea of blaming God for the failures of man, and he can offer nothing but despair and hopelessness in return. And that my friend is my utmost and honest opinion!
Today the Hospice nurse will be coming to our home, she feels she can actually help Dawn to improve somewhat, we are hopeful and praying. Also please remember to pray for Jeff and Shauna Halls newborn babies, Autumn and Aria they were born pre-mature and have some serious health issues and we ask that the Lord heal them and bring them home to mommy and daddy.
Gene Burroughs