So Little I know

So little I know
In just a few days it will have been six months since this latest and greatest of challenges has befallen my family. And unlike so many we have faced before this one continues to grow both in intensity of emotion as well as in understanding and knowledge. Six months ago I felt as if the final phase of my life had just begun, soon we would be reaping of the seeds we had sown in our new work in Shasta lake. Then in not so many years the girls would be off to college and Dawn and I would be traveling and continuing to share the goodness of God at every opportunity. Yes you might say we or at least I had it all worked out, after all we deserved a break after all of these years of ministry, did we not? Little did we know, yes oh how little we knew or truly understood about the reality of life as ones chosen to serve. Not just chosen to serve but rather as one’s called upon by the creator of all things to literally lay down our lives in order to lead others to the saving grace knowledge of Christ. Not just our lives mind you, but the lives of our children, our grandchildren, and so many more. Oh no not in the literal since mind you but in the true since of complete sacrifice to the ultimate will of God, complete surrender! Yes looking back I see how little I truly new, and yet knowing that causes me to acknowledge that I am no closer to truly understanding the mysteries of God than I was those near six months back. Here is what I do know, He is God and I am not, and if I could figure Him out He would be a rather small and powerless god. And secondly I understand that serving Him is worth far more than I or my loved ones have or ever will suffer upon this earth.
For many their prayers include a thought something like this “I just want to get out of here and be with You”, or “Lord please take me I’m tired of this world” or more, and understandably so. After all this world is not a fun place for a believer and it truly is becoming more difficult each and every day. However for me my prayer has become more like this, “Father don’t take me yet there is so much more to do”. Now I am not attempting to sound like a Martyr or build myself up, however the closer I get to Him the more I desire to serve Him, and the less I desire to serve me. I will have an eternity to rest, be blessed, and reap from the treasures the lord has for me. However I only have this one short section of time on this earth to do all I can for Him. Each of us has been given one opportunity, one span of time, one moment in eternity to make a difference, to serve the Lord, to share in His sufferings, to speak of His glory. So little to give for such a great reward, is it not? As Paul said in Romans; ”I find that the sufferings of this age are not worthy to be compared to the glory to come” I couldn’t say it better myself.
As I was cleaning out Dawn’s office a few weeks back I was constantly reminded of the many years and ways in which she and I had served the Lord together. Yes it was a very emotional day for me, and it has taken weeks for me to be able to write about it, but write I must. You see hers is a life that has been lived like few before her and few who will come after. The number lives that have been impacted to such an amazing degree many of which she never met or who never met her will never be known. How often she would stand behind and out of sight of me, Pastor Burt, Pastor Bryan, a puppet stage, a cast of players, or a plethora of volunteers no one knowing who truly the one who carried out the vision was, the one behind the curtain. My prayer today is that these gifts of hers will be used again for His glory, that the people of Shasta Lake and so many more will once again be able to reap of the benefits of this truly amazing servant’s heart. Yet not my will but yours be done oh Lord. After all hasn’t she already done enough, can her pile of treasures grow any higher, is there another who deserves any more to hear those words “well done good and faithful servant” and be allowed to enter into rest? She wouldn’t think so, would she?
Thank you so much for continuing to pray for my beloved and our family, no she is not doing well, she grows weaker each day, her color is not real encouraging and her appetite is almost gone. Today we were able to see a doctor and found out that she had an infection that was affecting her ability to swallow, she is on meds and should see prompt results. This Friday we see her oncologist and we anxiously await his diagnosis as to how the chemo is working, and his assessment of her condition. Our nest is full this week as Katie and the grandbabies have come to visit, what a blessing they are! Well Ta ta for now and may the Lord continue to richly bless each of you. I will continue to write as my emotions allow so sorry for the long delays.
Gene