Like a Mothers Love
One of many of the realities that have come to light over these past few months of trials has been the more than obvious, almost desperate struggle between the enemy of our souls and the savior of same. The enemy who to a limited degree does all he can to disrupt, destroy and maim mankind fighting against a God who has all power yet allows the suffering of some for the good of all. For those who don’t believe or understand this can seem much like a cruel trick with mankind being used as puppets in a not so hilarious even sadistic battle between two deities. This of course however is not the case at all. No I would liken it more to that of a mother caring for her children, doing all she can to prepare them for the trials of the of life that they will face as they enter the world. The type of mother who realizes that children must be allowed to make decisions at times, and at other times (often for their own safety) even though they do not see the dangers she must impose her will. The goal for the parent(s) of course being to raise a child capable of making decisions on their own yet all the while the child knows his/her parent(s) they trust is there waiting ready to offer guidance and rescue at any time. Satan being one, more like a spoiled child, one who has always wanted his own way, and when he hasn’t gotten it he ignores the counsel, shuns the love, and rebels into his own twisted state of reality, taking all he can with him. The more people he surrounds himself with the more power he has and the more emboldened and brazen he becomes, even though ultimately his spanking will come. And our God the great I Am, of course like the mother, caring for and raising a child hoping to instill truth, goodness, and righteousness even to the point of great personal sacrifice in order to insure the ultimate redemption and restoration for her child.
Why do I share this story at this time in light of all we are facing as a family? Let me explain; this week has been like riding on a rapidly descending roller coaster that appears to be heading for a crash. Dawn has gone from being alert and self sufficient on Monday to bedridden and in and out of consciousness and reality by Friday (please no medical advice this is normal progression). In the midst of all of our fears and tears we have experienced the presence of God in ways to beautiful for mere words to describe. On Wednesday night Kathleen Carnalli held a night of worship at Shasta Lake that was utterly amazing, the spirit of God fell in a powerful and prophetic way! Thursday I awoke to find Dawn in a state of confusion and delirium, she fell three times, seeing things in the room that were not there, and I watched as her body would contort in involuntary motion, the battle raging on. The body fighting for control and the spirit surrendered to the will of God, knowing that this God would never allow anything that is not what is best for all! In our selfishness we desire what is best for us thinking we know what that would be, yet by surrendering to what is best for all we too are allowed to partake of better gifts, greater joy, and eternal peace, which is by no other means possible to achieve. On Thursday we gathered around my bride, the children on the bed and loved ones by her side, we sang songs of praise and in moments of clarity Dawn would join in, and the Spirit of the living God never left the room. In the midst of such pain and impending sorrow we were able to receive comfort, and peace in the form of a spirit, the God of all creation in our presence, how could anyone survive such pain without Him, thankfully I will never know.
Due to the intensity of our situation and the rapidly changing circumstances I would as each of you to share with all you can the following information. The gratitude that our family feels toward all of you each and every one is beyond our ability to describe in words or in deed. I do promise however that our family will continue to attempt to do so by serving our Lord with fervor until our final breath is breathed. We are asking that for the next few days our visitors be limited to Dawns family, for those of you who I had invited and had hoped to see Dawn I truly apologize however things have changed so rapidly that we must react accordingly. I am turning off my cell phone and I will not be answering it until further notice as yesterday the calls truly did interrupt some very important activity. Karen Novelli is organizing meals for our family and Dwelly Crofoot has things handled at Shasta Lake and any questions regarding the Church can be directed to him. Feel free to continue to email me and I will do my best to answer them I must say however I am so tired and brain weary I must make no promises at this time. While I hate to sound so matter of fact about things I truly don’t know how else to word the facts and I appreciate your understanding and grace.
All of this said I desire to be ultra clear on one point, we have not given up hope, and we still believe that if it is best for all God will deliver Dawn from this disease upon this earth, hence we pray for His will to be done, in Jesus name. Also please pray for the girls they are facing trials and seeing things no child of their age should ever be forced to face or see and their hearts are breaking as is mine. Yet again through it all we remain committed, submitted and dedicated to seeing the will of God for all!
Gene Burroughs
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
So Little I know
So little I know
In just a few days it will have been six months since this latest and greatest of challenges has befallen my family. And unlike so many we have faced before this one continues to grow both in intensity of emotion as well as in understanding and knowledge. Six months ago I felt as if the final phase of my life had just begun, soon we would be reaping of the seeds we had sown in our new work in Shasta lake. Then in not so many years the girls would be off to college and Dawn and I would be traveling and continuing to share the goodness of God at every opportunity. Yes you might say we or at least I had it all worked out, after all we deserved a break after all of these years of ministry, did we not? Little did we know, yes oh how little we knew or truly understood about the reality of life as ones chosen to serve. Not just chosen to serve but rather as one’s called upon by the creator of all things to literally lay down our lives in order to lead others to the saving grace knowledge of Christ. Not just our lives mind you, but the lives of our children, our grandchildren, and so many more. Oh no not in the literal since mind you but in the true since of complete sacrifice to the ultimate will of God, complete surrender! Yes looking back I see how little I truly new, and yet knowing that causes me to acknowledge that I am no closer to truly understanding the mysteries of God than I was those near six months back. Here is what I do know, He is God and I am not, and if I could figure Him out He would be a rather small and powerless god. And secondly I understand that serving Him is worth far more than I or my loved ones have or ever will suffer upon this earth.
For many their prayers include a thought something like this “I just want to get out of here and be with You”, or “Lord please take me I’m tired of this world” or more, and understandably so. After all this world is not a fun place for a believer and it truly is becoming more difficult each and every day. However for me my prayer has become more like this, “Father don’t take me yet there is so much more to do”. Now I am not attempting to sound like a Martyr or build myself up, however the closer I get to Him the more I desire to serve Him, and the less I desire to serve me. I will have an eternity to rest, be blessed, and reap from the treasures the lord has for me. However I only have this one short section of time on this earth to do all I can for Him. Each of us has been given one opportunity, one span of time, one moment in eternity to make a difference, to serve the Lord, to share in His sufferings, to speak of His glory. So little to give for such a great reward, is it not? As Paul said in Romans; ”I find that the sufferings of this age are not worthy to be compared to the glory to come” I couldn’t say it better myself.
As I was cleaning out Dawn’s office a few weeks back I was constantly reminded of the many years and ways in which she and I had served the Lord together. Yes it was a very emotional day for me, and it has taken weeks for me to be able to write about it, but write I must. You see hers is a life that has been lived like few before her and few who will come after. The number lives that have been impacted to such an amazing degree many of which she never met or who never met her will never be known. How often she would stand behind and out of sight of me, Pastor Burt, Pastor Bryan, a puppet stage, a cast of players, or a plethora of volunteers no one knowing who truly the one who carried out the vision was, the one behind the curtain. My prayer today is that these gifts of hers will be used again for His glory, that the people of Shasta Lake and so many more will once again be able to reap of the benefits of this truly amazing servant’s heart. Yet not my will but yours be done oh Lord. After all hasn’t she already done enough, can her pile of treasures grow any higher, is there another who deserves any more to hear those words “well done good and faithful servant” and be allowed to enter into rest? She wouldn’t think so, would she?
Thank you so much for continuing to pray for my beloved and our family, no she is not doing well, she grows weaker each day, her color is not real encouraging and her appetite is almost gone. Today we were able to see a doctor and found out that she had an infection that was affecting her ability to swallow, she is on meds and should see prompt results. This Friday we see her oncologist and we anxiously await his diagnosis as to how the chemo is working, and his assessment of her condition. Our nest is full this week as Katie and the grandbabies have come to visit, what a blessing they are! Well Ta ta for now and may the Lord continue to richly bless each of you. I will continue to write as my emotions allow so sorry for the long delays.
Gene
In just a few days it will have been six months since this latest and greatest of challenges has befallen my family. And unlike so many we have faced before this one continues to grow both in intensity of emotion as well as in understanding and knowledge. Six months ago I felt as if the final phase of my life had just begun, soon we would be reaping of the seeds we had sown in our new work in Shasta lake. Then in not so many years the girls would be off to college and Dawn and I would be traveling and continuing to share the goodness of God at every opportunity. Yes you might say we or at least I had it all worked out, after all we deserved a break after all of these years of ministry, did we not? Little did we know, yes oh how little we knew or truly understood about the reality of life as ones chosen to serve. Not just chosen to serve but rather as one’s called upon by the creator of all things to literally lay down our lives in order to lead others to the saving grace knowledge of Christ. Not just our lives mind you, but the lives of our children, our grandchildren, and so many more. Oh no not in the literal since mind you but in the true since of complete sacrifice to the ultimate will of God, complete surrender! Yes looking back I see how little I truly new, and yet knowing that causes me to acknowledge that I am no closer to truly understanding the mysteries of God than I was those near six months back. Here is what I do know, He is God and I am not, and if I could figure Him out He would be a rather small and powerless god. And secondly I understand that serving Him is worth far more than I or my loved ones have or ever will suffer upon this earth.
For many their prayers include a thought something like this “I just want to get out of here and be with You”, or “Lord please take me I’m tired of this world” or more, and understandably so. After all this world is not a fun place for a believer and it truly is becoming more difficult each and every day. However for me my prayer has become more like this, “Father don’t take me yet there is so much more to do”. Now I am not attempting to sound like a Martyr or build myself up, however the closer I get to Him the more I desire to serve Him, and the less I desire to serve me. I will have an eternity to rest, be blessed, and reap from the treasures the lord has for me. However I only have this one short section of time on this earth to do all I can for Him. Each of us has been given one opportunity, one span of time, one moment in eternity to make a difference, to serve the Lord, to share in His sufferings, to speak of His glory. So little to give for such a great reward, is it not? As Paul said in Romans; ”I find that the sufferings of this age are not worthy to be compared to the glory to come” I couldn’t say it better myself.
As I was cleaning out Dawn’s office a few weeks back I was constantly reminded of the many years and ways in which she and I had served the Lord together. Yes it was a very emotional day for me, and it has taken weeks for me to be able to write about it, but write I must. You see hers is a life that has been lived like few before her and few who will come after. The number lives that have been impacted to such an amazing degree many of which she never met or who never met her will never be known. How often she would stand behind and out of sight of me, Pastor Burt, Pastor Bryan, a puppet stage, a cast of players, or a plethora of volunteers no one knowing who truly the one who carried out the vision was, the one behind the curtain. My prayer today is that these gifts of hers will be used again for His glory, that the people of Shasta Lake and so many more will once again be able to reap of the benefits of this truly amazing servant’s heart. Yet not my will but yours be done oh Lord. After all hasn’t she already done enough, can her pile of treasures grow any higher, is there another who deserves any more to hear those words “well done good and faithful servant” and be allowed to enter into rest? She wouldn’t think so, would she?
Thank you so much for continuing to pray for my beloved and our family, no she is not doing well, she grows weaker each day, her color is not real encouraging and her appetite is almost gone. Today we were able to see a doctor and found out that she had an infection that was affecting her ability to swallow, she is on meds and should see prompt results. This Friday we see her oncologist and we anxiously await his diagnosis as to how the chemo is working, and his assessment of her condition. Our nest is full this week as Katie and the grandbabies have come to visit, what a blessing they are! Well Ta ta for now and may the Lord continue to richly bless each of you. I will continue to write as my emotions allow so sorry for the long delays.
Gene
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Completely Dependent on God
Completely Dependent on God
To a varying degree we all have our own definition of what it means to be dependent upon God. For some we view it as trusting God to be our provision, for others it is depending on Him for our salvation, and so on. When we say that we are dependent on God we truly do have to varying degrees control on how truly dependent upon God we are. That is until the day comes where we simply have no choice, the day we truly become completely dependent upon God for one or more areas of our life. Tonight I was sitting alone (a rare occurrence) Dawn was in bed and I began pondering the future, when suddenly I realized that doing so was completely impossible. As I began to contemplate the future I realized that every aspect of my future is completely dependent upon God, and when I say future I mean my very next breath. You see I can no longer plan anything more than what is absolutely necessary, and even then necessity is completely subject and relevant to reality, a reality completely subject to change. You see I have no control over where my or my families lives are going, I have no idea of the outcome or any idea of what the future may hold. I have asked the Lord to reveal it to me, to show me if Dawn will be healed upon this earth or in glory, yet He has not spoken. It is rather easy for me to understand why, you see if the Lord told me that Dawn was going to receive a miraculous earthly healing then I would immediately begin acting and planning accordingly, and likewise if He revealed another option. You see it just hit me tonight why when it comes to the area of Dawn’s healing the Lord has been largely silent to me, if He tells me I will no longer be completely dependent upon Him! I’m not sure how to respond to such revelation, do I get mad at myself, do I cry out for answers, do I tell God I surrender knowing full well that I truly don’t, or do I wait. Well honestly I have done all three, to no avail; hence there is only one answer. I wait and remain completely dependent upon the Lord. Is this what I want, is this what gives me joy, comfort, or peace? The answer is both yes and no, you see I know that God is in control, that He can be trusted with my future, that He has the best plans for me and my family, so the answer is yes. However in my anguish, in my lack of control, in my constant desire to care for and nurture my family and to protect them from pain and harm, I want answers, I want to know what the future holds. Therefore there remains within me this constant battle, the greater part of me knowing that God has our best at heart, knowing that he has a plan for all of us that work’s both for His glory and our pleasure, and the lesser part of me that wanting to run from pain, avoid hurt, and protect my family. There There is of course only one conclusion, and that my friend is to realize that I am completely dependent upon my God for everything, and that is more than ok. The truth is that our God is an amazing God, one who desires to bless us, plans every aspect of our lives, and always has our best interest at heart, and that should bring us the greatest of comfort. Yes this life is difficult and yes trusting in a God we don’t see is challenging, however there is only one option for those who believe, “Completely Depending upon God”!
Dawn is quite tired these days, and tomorrow she begins another round of chemotherapy, the children are all in Medford for the week, and I am extremely happy to be at home where I am needed most. God is good and our lives are in His hands, for that we are grateful and blessed!
Gene
To a varying degree we all have our own definition of what it means to be dependent upon God. For some we view it as trusting God to be our provision, for others it is depending on Him for our salvation, and so on. When we say that we are dependent on God we truly do have to varying degrees control on how truly dependent upon God we are. That is until the day comes where we simply have no choice, the day we truly become completely dependent upon God for one or more areas of our life. Tonight I was sitting alone (a rare occurrence) Dawn was in bed and I began pondering the future, when suddenly I realized that doing so was completely impossible. As I began to contemplate the future I realized that every aspect of my future is completely dependent upon God, and when I say future I mean my very next breath. You see I can no longer plan anything more than what is absolutely necessary, and even then necessity is completely subject and relevant to reality, a reality completely subject to change. You see I have no control over where my or my families lives are going, I have no idea of the outcome or any idea of what the future may hold. I have asked the Lord to reveal it to me, to show me if Dawn will be healed upon this earth or in glory, yet He has not spoken. It is rather easy for me to understand why, you see if the Lord told me that Dawn was going to receive a miraculous earthly healing then I would immediately begin acting and planning accordingly, and likewise if He revealed another option. You see it just hit me tonight why when it comes to the area of Dawn’s healing the Lord has been largely silent to me, if He tells me I will no longer be completely dependent upon Him! I’m not sure how to respond to such revelation, do I get mad at myself, do I cry out for answers, do I tell God I surrender knowing full well that I truly don’t, or do I wait. Well honestly I have done all three, to no avail; hence there is only one answer. I wait and remain completely dependent upon the Lord. Is this what I want, is this what gives me joy, comfort, or peace? The answer is both yes and no, you see I know that God is in control, that He can be trusted with my future, that He has the best plans for me and my family, so the answer is yes. However in my anguish, in my lack of control, in my constant desire to care for and nurture my family and to protect them from pain and harm, I want answers, I want to know what the future holds. Therefore there remains within me this constant battle, the greater part of me knowing that God has our best at heart, knowing that he has a plan for all of us that work’s both for His glory and our pleasure, and the lesser part of me that wanting to run from pain, avoid hurt, and protect my family. There There is of course only one conclusion, and that my friend is to realize that I am completely dependent upon my God for everything, and that is more than ok. The truth is that our God is an amazing God, one who desires to bless us, plans every aspect of our lives, and always has our best interest at heart, and that should bring us the greatest of comfort. Yes this life is difficult and yes trusting in a God we don’t see is challenging, however there is only one option for those who believe, “Completely Depending upon God”!
Dawn is quite tired these days, and tomorrow she begins another round of chemotherapy, the children are all in Medford for the week, and I am extremely happy to be at home where I am needed most. God is good and our lives are in His hands, for that we are grateful and blessed!
Gene
Friday, April 2, 2010
To God Alone be the Glory
To God alone be the Glory
Today Dawn and I were able to grab a few short minutes of conversation between Doctors, labs, Good Friday Services and running children around that is worth sharing. Ever since she was diagnosed with cancer the Lord has made certain things very clear to us, some ahead of time, and some as we go along. While not everything is clear, there are a number of things that could not be clearer if they were pasted on the side of the empire state building! One such point is that He has not left nor forsaken us, that He is in the midst of this trial with our family and friends. When you continually see and experience the unmistakable influence and care of God in your life especially in the midst of somewhat bizarre circumstances you cannot help but grow deeper and more committed in your love and adoration for Him. Once you have experienced such grace you would never desire to dilute His due praise by ever allowing yourself to be lifted up to a place of praise and adoration. Today I had the privilege and honor of sharing at the LCC Good Friday Service and this point was truly driven home for me. You see today was all about the sacrifice that Christ made for us, today was His day, while He is the one we should be focusing on every day, but especially today. As I approached my time of sharing I found myself truly concerned at how quickly this forum, my time on stage could be used to draw attention away from the Lord and to us and our situation. How easy it would have been to somehow salt the feast of His word by throwing in comments about our family, not much mind you, just a little would have been enough. You see with very little encouragement the focus could have been diverted ever so subtly to the suffering of my family. An extra tear, a longing sigh, an extended break between passages, or a just a change in tone of speech, all of these things and so much more could be tools that we use inadvertently to intentionally to draw attention to ourselves. The fearful part is not only how easy it would be to do so, but in addition how often we see it happening in these times. I can honestly say that in the past I too have been guilty of such goings on, and yet today as we find ourselves so desperately clinging to the hem of His garment I would never want anything to take away from His power, to dilute His glory, or to cheapen His name. You see the God we need today; the God who brings us hope is and must be a God who would share His glory with no other, a God unequaled in the entire universe. For if this God in whom I have placed my trust is not the Elohim who rules and reigns in the heavens, if He is not the great I Am then we have no hope! For those who would practice such things, for those who would seek to elevate themselves while sharing of the majesty of this God I would suggest you stay away, avoid them and their words, for our God will not be mocked! (By the way let me say I am not speaking of Pastor Bryan he would never do so he is a man of great integrity, or anyone else in particular). Dawn and I do not want to share the glory or the attention with God, it is His alone, and He alone deserves it. We desire to serve Him with a pure heart and mind, we desire to see His name lifted up unto all men, for He can not only carry their load, He can also heal their hearts and give them new life, we can only crumble under the weight of it. For those who seek to be lifted up, exalted, held in high esteem, I have two things to say: one that the shallow praise of fickle men is all the reward you will ever receive, and number two: you truly cannot handle the weight of it, you too will crumble under strain. He alone is worthy, may we acknowledge this and be satisfied with it, no joyous for it! For it is then that we can truly learn to love the Lord our God with all our heart, our soul, and our mind! Today Dawn’s report from the Doctor was rather good; well let me put it this way, no bad news! She was able to have some (about 1-3/4 Ga) of fluid drained from her tummy and she truly was blessed by that, wow what a diet! Nick, Katie, and the girls will be down tomorrow and we are truly happy to have them visit for a few days! God is so faithful to us and we are so blessed and grateful to Him, may each of you give Him all the praise He deserves and allow Him to be Lord of your life!
Gene
Today Dawn and I were able to grab a few short minutes of conversation between Doctors, labs, Good Friday Services and running children around that is worth sharing. Ever since she was diagnosed with cancer the Lord has made certain things very clear to us, some ahead of time, and some as we go along. While not everything is clear, there are a number of things that could not be clearer if they were pasted on the side of the empire state building! One such point is that He has not left nor forsaken us, that He is in the midst of this trial with our family and friends. When you continually see and experience the unmistakable influence and care of God in your life especially in the midst of somewhat bizarre circumstances you cannot help but grow deeper and more committed in your love and adoration for Him. Once you have experienced such grace you would never desire to dilute His due praise by ever allowing yourself to be lifted up to a place of praise and adoration. Today I had the privilege and honor of sharing at the LCC Good Friday Service and this point was truly driven home for me. You see today was all about the sacrifice that Christ made for us, today was His day, while He is the one we should be focusing on every day, but especially today. As I approached my time of sharing I found myself truly concerned at how quickly this forum, my time on stage could be used to draw attention away from the Lord and to us and our situation. How easy it would have been to somehow salt the feast of His word by throwing in comments about our family, not much mind you, just a little would have been enough. You see with very little encouragement the focus could have been diverted ever so subtly to the suffering of my family. An extra tear, a longing sigh, an extended break between passages, or a just a change in tone of speech, all of these things and so much more could be tools that we use inadvertently to intentionally to draw attention to ourselves. The fearful part is not only how easy it would be to do so, but in addition how often we see it happening in these times. I can honestly say that in the past I too have been guilty of such goings on, and yet today as we find ourselves so desperately clinging to the hem of His garment I would never want anything to take away from His power, to dilute His glory, or to cheapen His name. You see the God we need today; the God who brings us hope is and must be a God who would share His glory with no other, a God unequaled in the entire universe. For if this God in whom I have placed my trust is not the Elohim who rules and reigns in the heavens, if He is not the great I Am then we have no hope! For those who would practice such things, for those who would seek to elevate themselves while sharing of the majesty of this God I would suggest you stay away, avoid them and their words, for our God will not be mocked! (By the way let me say I am not speaking of Pastor Bryan he would never do so he is a man of great integrity, or anyone else in particular). Dawn and I do not want to share the glory or the attention with God, it is His alone, and He alone deserves it. We desire to serve Him with a pure heart and mind, we desire to see His name lifted up unto all men, for He can not only carry their load, He can also heal their hearts and give them new life, we can only crumble under the weight of it. For those who seek to be lifted up, exalted, held in high esteem, I have two things to say: one that the shallow praise of fickle men is all the reward you will ever receive, and number two: you truly cannot handle the weight of it, you too will crumble under strain. He alone is worthy, may we acknowledge this and be satisfied with it, no joyous for it! For it is then that we can truly learn to love the Lord our God with all our heart, our soul, and our mind! Today Dawn’s report from the Doctor was rather good; well let me put it this way, no bad news! She was able to have some (about 1-3/4 Ga) of fluid drained from her tummy and she truly was blessed by that, wow what a diet! Nick, Katie, and the girls will be down tomorrow and we are truly happy to have them visit for a few days! God is so faithful to us and we are so blessed and grateful to Him, may each of you give Him all the praise He deserves and allow Him to be Lord of your life!
Gene
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