New Years Eve

Well yesterday was again a very interesting day of delays and directions from the Lord. Our day began as it has so many days with another visit to the Cancer Center and yes another long and interesting wait in the lobby. There was actually a very interesting exchange that took place between some folks that I would like to share. There was a slight built, seventy or so year old man seated by himself reading the latest Loui Lamor western, (or something like it), he had a look of total peace upon his face, there was no fear in his eyes, he was obviously a man of faith. Across the room a couple entered from the cold outdoors, they were bundled up and she was obviously a chemo patient, you see they are easy to identify. It's not neccesarily because of the hairless head covered by any number of creative adornments, no it's more the look on thier eyes and in thier face that identifies the victims of this terrible disease. Most have a look of fear, hoplessness, anger, or even despair. All commonly connected by this disease, and not one of them desiring to be in this building, paying to see these doctors to put poison in thier veins, or blast themwith radiation, or to insert one of the many hundreds of needles into thier bodies. This particular woman was wearing each of these emotions on her sleeves, she was showing all of the signs, I was reminded of the pharisees who did all they could to make sure that people knew they were fasting and suffering, as oppossed to hiding thier suffering and trusting God to minister to them. At any rate she obviously knew the man and began to strike up a conversation with him, she stood, he sat, she complained loudly, he comforted softly, she told everyone (unintentionaly or not) about every gruesome detail of her miserable disease as well as her treatment, he responded as to how grateful he was for his doctor and the team, and how important his faith was. It wasn't long but far too long before he and the rest of us were rescued by the nurse escorting this faithful man into the back room. No words were needed, everyone was relieved, I almost think I heard a round of applause that this exchange was finaly over.
As Dawn and I made it in to the Doctors office we were of course greeted with smiles and apologies for all of the delays. You see they had no answer, no power to make decisions, or any hope, just simply the same encouragement: "we will get you in as soon as we can". And that folks is where we are, once again we wait, and soon Dawn may begin her chemo.
Bottom line, yes we are still trusting God, yes there are those who have no hope, no faith, and a desire to make everyone around them feel thier pain, that would not be us. For many reasons some we have seen and others we have not, the Lord has chosen to allow Dawn,I, our family,and all of you,to go through this together, and yes it is painful, yes it is frustrating, and no we do not have all of the answers we would like. However we have learned more than we ever thought possible, realized how much we are loved, experienced the most amazing encouragement, and yes even the most discouraging of comments, but through it all we are stronger! And no matter what the eventual outcome we both maintain the desire to go through whatever God has for us and to do it with grace, peace, and faith, after all again I say that is all we have!

Chemo delayed once again!

If ever there were a situation that the world would call a comedy of errors I do believe that Dawn and I have found ourselves in the midst of it. It has been since November 20th that we first discovered that Dawn had tumors on her liver and that Cancer (which has now been confirmed) was suspected, at todays writing this began thirty days ago and counting. From the very moment of the preliminary diagnosis there has been one delay after another, from the biopsy, to meeting with the specialists, and now the Chemotherapy. We find all of this extremely challenging when seemingly every doctor and specialist has told us we need to take a very aggressive approach as this is a very agressive and destructive form of cancer. Based upon the diagnosis, and the seemingly lackluster and truly unprofessional response the acceptable human response would be one of anger, frustration, and possibly even retaliation, and few people would blame us for responding in such a manor,(and yes we have had our moments). As a matter of fact I am equaly convinced that we would find fewer people agreeing with our response than we would those disagreeing with our response, so just exactly how are we responding you ask? First and foremost we pray, individualy and together we seek the Lord for how He would have us approach this situation, and every delay. Secondly we share the results of what we have heard, we share our fears, our tears, our dissapointments, and our victories, and then we decide what our next step will be. You will notice that our options do not include calling a relative and asking thier opinion, nor is it seeking the opinions of friends, or the Church, or any other individual. Are we wrong, are we not doing everything we can, should we push harder, make more noise, seek other opinions, or take any one of the seemingly endless number of options available to us? Yes these are all questions that Dawn and I ask each other almost daily, you see there is little else on our mind right now, how could there be, every day we face the obvious symptoms of this disease and the effects it is having on Dawn, myself, the rest of our family, and countless friends. So what is the answer? Actually the answer is quite simple, one we made some thirty years ago, one that does not wait upon the opinions of friends, the approval of the Church, or the feelings of our family, that decision was one to trust, believe in, and surrender to the will of God! I know I sound like a broken record but isn't that exactly how it should be? I mean if Dawn and I believe as we we do that our God is in complete control of every situation, and the outcome of everything in our life isn't that how we should walk though this? Now I know that some would say that we are weak and allowing folks to take advantage of us, however the truth is quite the contrary, you see no one even if they want to can take advantage of God without Him in His time setting things straight. No we are not Gods ourselves, but we are His children whom He has promised to care for and protect, and the Bible does not say that God helps those who help themselves, it does however say the following : "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" Proverbs 3:5-6 The bible also says that He will "never leave nor forsake you" Heb 13:5, in addition Romans 8 tells us that "nothing can separate us from the love of God". Yes I could go on and on but for what cause, the truth is you either believe or you don't, if you don't and you won't no amount of sharing will change your heart, and for that I am sorry, sorry that you will be missing out on the hope, faith, and trust that Dawn and I have, the peace that passes all understanding, because you see that is what comes with faith. Again are we sticking our heads in the sand and hoping this goes away, absolutely not, however we do refuse to allow this to control our lives, plans have been made and we have had all of the difficult disscusions, and yes we are ready to face whatever comes our way, even delays in chemotherapy, after all we have been asking the Lord to delay the Chemo if He did not want Dawn to go through it, could it be that this too is another answered prayer?

PS
On Wednesday morning we will be meeting once again with our cancer doctor to discuss what is going on, apparently the insurance companies have not ben reimbursing for the chemo drugs in a timely manner and the canver center cannot purchase them without payments being made, yeah wierd.

Christmas is over

Yes it is over and in many ways I must confess that I am pleased that it is, because in case you haven't noticed Christmas is a lot of work! That said I am so grateful that Dawn was able to enjoy Christmas with our family, and while there were periods of time where she needed her rest she was truly able to spend most of her time enjoying her children, grandchildren, son in law, nieces, nephews, parents, brother, sister in law, and yes even our favorite Washington State cousin, Gretchen. We truly had a wonderful time of fellowship and sharing of memories!
Saturday however held a very special blessing for Dawn and I as earlier in the week a friend had contacted me and asked if he could send some folks over to pray for Dawn, and we agreed. So somehwere around three when all of the children and grandchildren had headed off to Medford two men came by to pray and share with Dawn and I. I must admit I was somewhat skeptical as I did not know them however we were both fully confident that we were called to do this. Within just a very few moments our confidence was bolstered as we recognized the same Spirit that dwells within us in these men. As they began to share and speak words of encouragement the Lord quickly revealed to them things about Dawn and I that very few people know, promises the Lord had given, giftings the Lord has called us to walk in and so on. I must say that our confidence in the Lord was bolstered as well as our belief that not only can God heal, but that He is going to heal Dawn. After we had been praying for quite some time Gretchen came in and joined us, and immedeatly one of the men asked if he could pray for her and he began to prophesy over her as well, again affirming that which we knew but they did not, at least not on thier own.
I must say that I have awaken this morning with new hope in Christ, no longer do I fear waking and finding my wife absent from her body, I now awaken with an anticipation of her complete healing of that body. You see when people speak truth into areas of your life and the lives of others, truths that only God knows there can only be one conclusion, that they are hearing fom Him. If they are repeating what they hear from Him, then that which they speak is a promise, a truth, a reality from Him, through them, to you, and let me say that what they spoke was very much a prophetic utterance from the Lord!
Before I continue I find that I must digress and share something else that happened yesterday in order to better make my point. My youngest daughter Michaela and I ran to the store to pick up a few things and while there we ran across an aquantance from Little Country, someone whom we have known for over 2o yrs. When I shared with her that we were believing God for a miracle in Dawn's (and our) life, she proceeded to tell me of a story of her friend who had the same form of cancer. How her friend was one moment looking amazing and the next simply did not wake up! Yes this was in front of my daughter! And yes we left wihout so much as a good bye, I mean come on how insensitive can you be? Well let me just say that she was not the first and I am confident she will not be the last who have attempted to sow such seeds of doubt. Now back to the point; if you hear me say "get behind me satan" you will understand why, for you see we will not be receiving such seeds any longer, those can be planted in the soil of those who desire them of which we are not! the Lord has called us to a powerful work in the City of Shasta Lake, the transformation of a community and the enemy has sought to bring death and destruction to my home in order to prevent that work, I will not receive it, nor will my wife nor my children! We are children of the Most High God and He alone will be our judge, our strength, our healer, our provision, and our salvation, so please join us as we proclaim and receive the healing which God has for Dawn, and the fulfillment of the promises which He has made in order that the work He has called us to can be done!

Do you really believe?

For the past two days there has been another of those glaring truths staring me in the face, and I feel led to share it with all of you. You see I am fully aware that my wife without a miraculous intervention from our Lord will be with him at His pre-determined time correct? I would hope that your answer to that was a bit more like huh, than it was yes, you see the statement truly makes no sense because miraculous in our eyes or not when Dawn, or you, or I are called from these bodies it will be because the Lord of all creation has called us home for our eternal healing. None of us know how many days we will have on this earth bound by this flesh truly only He knows the number of our days. Am I saying that we should not be praying for a miracle for Dawn, or anyone else for that matter, absolutely not, because without prayer, then the healings simply become the will of some being, the mistake of man, or the result of Karma, all of which make absolutely no scientific or faith based sense, they in fact are rubish, yes I did say rubish. However when prayers to the God of all creation are answered they are done so because it is His will to do so, and the suffering that causes these prayers to whatever level it may be, completes the perfect will of God for all of those who are submitted to His will, and truly understand that He alone is God. Ever since the diagnosis one of the greatest of battles has been the emotional struggle of dealing with those who have no hope or faith, those who see this as the end as oppossed to the beginning. You see they have no right to share thier opinion in this matter, after all they are not the ones who are in the fiery furnace, they in fact are the ones watching from afar. Oh yes they will be effected emotionaly by the loss of a loved one or a friend, however that is the limit of the effect upon them. Those who are in the fire, they alone have the right to determine what they believe, and how they will go through the trial, for they are after all the ones who are truly facing the greatest of challenges. As we have been through this struggle we have been, and remain so appreciative of all who have come alongside of all of us in order to make our days brighter, words can never express our gratitude, and a thousand years would not be enough time to repay each of you for what you have done for us, for oh how you have encouraged us. I see the result of your prayers and action every day; the light in Dawns eyes as she reads the verses that people have given her, the smiles that cannot be contained as she reads the cards and emails, the joy on my childrens faces as they return from a shopping trip with one of the ladies and her daughter from the Church, or the relief in my own heart when I see the pile of leaves dissapearing from the back yard, and the strain of the need to pay medical bills being relived because of the generousity of so many, the animals being delivered to homes for care, and so much more! And with all of this good how quickly it is overshadowed when those who lack faith offer thier words of discouragement, thier words that are limited to what they see as opposed to what we believe. Let us not be discouraged however faith cannot be dispelled by disbelievers or it would have faded long ago and become a fabled story of old. But no it has not, no it is and has remained the lifesaving device thrown out to those who are drowning in despair and fear! May we all be people of great faith, people who send the rescue ring to those in need, those stand firm in the prescence of scoffers and doubters, after all if we are unable to believe may we be reminded of that famous passage in Hebrews, "without faith it is impossible to please God", oh that I would be a man, the priest of a household that seeks to please our God!

It's a beautiful day!

All day Monday I was plagued with a rather nagging question, "what am I allowing this cancer to steal from me?" While there were a number of thoughts there were two areas that I believe the Lord was speaking to me about and niether are easy to change, yet change them I will (with His help). The first is that I have allowed this to rob me of my joy, I found that I am not joyous about the season, nor about the new Church, as a matter of fact my joy has vanished, vanquished by this demonic disease. I realized that in some ways my fear of seeming to be calloused and unrealistic about Dawn's health and prognosis, was making it appear as if I didn't care or that I was in denial. However upon seeking the Lord I realized that those thoughts as well were from the pit of hell, for the opposite of guilt is freedom and freedom brings joy and we are to "trust in the Lord and be glad in Him". Therefore I am purposing in my heart to be joyous, to take great pleasure in knowing that "all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose"! The lord also reminded me of the visions and dreams that I had held for Shasta Lake, how that somehow they too had begun to fade in the shadow of this beast that has entered my home, oh how easily he can deceive. So today is a new day, as the sun rose this morning and illuminated a clear blue sky my reslove has returned, my passion is inflamed and my desire is stronger than ever, for my eyes are on my Lord and not on the circumstances surrounding me. If Gideon had not known beyond the shadow of doubt that God had sent him into battle he would have never taken on his foes, yet because he was confident in that call he was victorious in Christ, we have been called and we are confident in our God, it is time to do battle on our terms not His! You see again by looking at the circumstances all we see is what we can accomplish on our own and soon we will become hopeless for we truly are weak, yet by listening for Him, obeying and being confident in our call, believing not in what we see but rather what we know, victory becomes eminent and in that I take great Joy and comfort!

Monday from Sunday or whatever day it is

Yes I am confused today is Monday but I am writing for Sunday so technicly I have gone back to yesterday in order to communicate today, make sense? No it doesn't to me either but I must confess that what you just caught was a glimpse into my head and yeah it is scary! These days are long and tedious but I think the busyness keeps me from thinking to much about what is going on around me. Yes there are times during this trial when I get discouraged, fearful, and even anxious, every time I take my eyes off of Him! The very minute I start looking at the circumstances as opposed to the promises the hope quickly fades and is replaced by the black hole of despair, the cure, yup back to the Lord! So today I am purposing to place my eyes on Him and hang on, and this I know, by doing so, today will be a great day, so no more of looking back at yesterday, nor thinking about tomorrow for today is sufficient for itself!
Amen!

Saturday Dec 20th "Great Friends"

When I was a small child I had a particular relative whose home had a very distinct odor, nothing obnoxious mind you however very noticeable. I can remember one time asking one of the children who lived there if they knew where that strange smell came from, and there response was "what smell?" I came to realize later in life that they had become so acustomed to the smell that they no longer noticed it. I think that if we are not careful we can easily become that way with our loved ones and our friends, we see them so much and become some acustomed to thier manerisms that we unknowingly begin to neglect the relationship. It is at times like this that the importance of those relationships moves directly to the forefront of your mind. It is during trials such as this that you are no longer willing to take anything or anyone for granted. You see we always assume that there will be a tomorrow, another chance to hug, share, or exchange compliments, it is during times like these that you realize the foolishness of such assumptions. Today I went to the warehouse to see how things were going for the Christmas Gift Giveaway, you see for years I have been leading small teams of folks taking gifts and food baskets to those in need. Usualy we give away 30 or so combined gifts and ten or twelve of us gather and go, sometimes we may have twenty folks come alongside. Well this year we had over 150 people sign up to help, we had over 80 people to give gifts to, and a similar number of food baskets. In addition we are preparing a meal and gifts for 50 or so seniors in a low income senior home. As I pulled up there were so many cars parked that it was a one block walk in every direction, and the warehouse was packed with people preparing baskets and wrapping gifts. Tonight I received a report form Pastor Larry David that there were over 1800 cars that went through the drive thru nativity that Dawn has been in charge of for many years. Why do I say all of this you ask? Because all of the things that Dawn and I are normaly in leading or serving in during the Christmas season have continued on, and not only have they continued, they have flourished! They have flourished only because of all of those great people who have stepped up to the plate, our friends, our family, our brothers and sisters in Christ. The events that we love and enjoy doing during this season we were still able to enjoy because of those folks and thier sacrifice and dedication, THANK YOU ALL! I am truly sorry that it has taken such a tragedy for us to realize how much all of us care about, appreciate, and love one another, thank you for showing my family that you do!
As for us, we had a good day, Dawns mom came over and helped out and Dawn looks a stunning as ever, I do believe that there is a healing going on, and what a testimony it will be!

Friday December 19th

Well everyone is in bed and this long day is coming to a close, and yes it has been an extremely long one. Last night was rather sleepless and morning came exceptionaly early as we were to be at Mercy Medical Center at 6:30 am for Dawn to have outpatient surgery. This morning they installed a port in her upper right chest just below her clavicle, this will make it much easier for them to inject the Chemo and collect blood for labs. Many of the nurses in the outpatient center are Christians who attend Bethel, and one of the men who assisted with Dawns procedure is a very dear friend from LCC and I must say that this made the time there much easier to bare. However I must admit that it is times like this when I'm tired, beat down, and sitting in the quiet that I cannot help but ask God the pounding and obvious question, "are you going to heal Dawn?" I mean lets face it, that truly is the biggest thing on my mind, I don't feel compelled to ask Him why, no not in the least bit, that answer is in every conversation, every email, every comment read, it is all for His glory! You see every lesson we learn becomes one that others have learned, every challenge we face so many of you face alongside us (to the best of your ability to comprehend), and through it all we see so much more of His grace and mercy every day. One thing that I have learned and am reminded of daily is that in my flesh and on my own the questions far outweigh the answers, and in my flesh I would fail to make it through another day. It is times like these that in your flesh you begin to wonder if there was something you could have done different, or something you did to cause this affliction to befall your family, yet I know that the reality and the truth is that those are just tricks of the enemy, ploys designed to bring me down, and I refuse to let them. For by realizing my total weakness in my flesh my sprirt becomes stronger, He becomes my strength and now it is not a man filled with fleshly desires, weaknesses and fears that the enemy faces, but rather the spirit of God within a man and that the enemy fears. You see I believe that satan does not have any reason to fear a man or woman who is yelling, whispering, or in any way trying ti influence him by thier great spirituality. Satan does however greatly fear that spirit of the living God that dwells within us, that spirit that when surrendered to causes the enemy realize his right position, one of submission to the will of almighty God, Elohim! Today and every day I must remind myself that this is not a battle that I can win, a cancer I can cure, or a wife that I can save. No the reality is that He alone can win this battle, he alone can save my wife, and He alone will be our strength, therefore it is He alone to whom I will surrender my will, no matter how loud my flesh cries out! Bless you my friends as you lift up my family and walk through this time of great trial with us, we love you all so much!
Gene

Thursday "The Greatest of Hope"

Today has been a very interesting day to say the least; as we are waiting the none and a half hours it takes to see the dr. there was an elderly woman sitting alone in a wheelchair, her name was Dixie. Dixie was very cold and mentioned that she had left her blanket at the rest home, it was then that I remembered the two brand new throws in the rear of our car. As I ran out to the car I threw out one of those quick prayers to God, something like Lord bless this little lady. There were two thows a red one and a tan one, I grabbed red and returned to find Dixie being interviewed by a nurse. As I covered her with the throw Dixie began to weep with tears of joy, red was her favorite color, and this was her first Christmas gift. Of course the waiting room came alive with shouts of joy and Dixie smiled and showed off her blanket all the way to the back where her doctor was waiting. Not a lot of joy in the waiting room of a cancer center on an average day, but today there was at least a brief moment of happiness for one, well ok more than one because Dawn and I got our socks blessed off.
Then it was our turn into the back where the bad news awaits a place filled with people helping people who have in many cases given up any hope for a normal life. For them the normal has become endless waiting at endless appointments, with endless bills, and endless pain, all for what, hope that the end will be delayed. As our doctor entered the room he lowered his head and told us his greatest concerns had been verified, Dawn has Pancreatic cancer and there is no known cure. No surprises here we knew long before today what the result would be and much to his surprise we smiled and thanked him for his honesty. I ended up placing my arm around this man, I thanked him for what he has chosen to do, that he has purposed in his life to fight against a terrible disease despite his so often task of delivering the worst of news to hopeless people. Dawn and I were very clear that we did not want his opinion on how long she had, we were clear that God not man has numbered all of our days, and He alone will decide when Dawn goes home. I'll pray for this man (Dr. Mahagiian) and he thanked me for doing so, and as he passes your thoughts please do so as well. The bottom line is that God not man is our hope, He has been our hope since the day we met Him, and even before, and now more than ever I can see the foolishness of placing our hope in any man, even or especialy if it is ourselves. You can't will away cancer, you can't send your thoughts and expect it to listen, money cannot pay enough for it to leave, the greatest Doctors in the greatest hospitals cannot cure it, and no herb or diet can destroy it, the only hope anyone can have over death is the ressurection power of Jesus Christ, and the healing power of Yaweah, He is our greatest hope is He yours?

In Him

I remember the first time I read that poem "footsteps", I recall wondering if that is really what Jesus would say, or would He say that He was walking beside me ready to catch me if I fell. Or maybe He would say don't worry I'm going before you clearing the way of all hazards and obstacles, the traps that have been laid before you. However I never realy thought about Him being behind me, it just never seemed like that was a place where God belonged, after all if He were behind me then surely I must have gotten ahead of Him. But now I truly am beginning to understand that it is not one or the other but rather all of the above, and so much more. Over the past few weeks I have found myself experiencing every emotion imaginable, and even some unimaginable ones, yet there is one thing I have not experienced, not even in the slightest of ways, the feeling of being alone! I can say with all honesty and humility that the thought of or the feeling of being alone has not even remotely been an issue, for I am confident that He is, was, and always will be with me, my wife, our children, our grandchildren, our extended relatives, our friends, the believers, and the pre-belivers, He has never left any one of them alone. Yes some have elected to be alone, or to deny that He was there, but He has been there, ever faithful, ever holding, ever leading,ever pushing, ever carrying, yes He is always there being and doing exactly what needed to be done for His child.
Some have asked me how I can remain so calm, focused, and strong during this extremely difficult time, my answer, for the first time in my life I truly know what it means to have the God of all creation be my strength, if you see strength in me then what you see is His strength not my own, for without Him I am incapable of anything less than complete despair, yet there is no despair to be found. In Matthew 6:33 we are told to "seek first the Kingdom of God" then all of these things will be added, for far too long men have equated this to riches, or some other form of earthly pleasure, yet none of the things of this earth truly matter, therefore why would God give them to us, what truly matters is that we have confidence in Christ and His sacrifice, that we love one another, that we give of ourselves if need be to the point of death for our fellow man, that is the reality of that verse. So why do I mention it now, because now I truly understand, that all I really need is Him, that He is my strength, and that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phillipians 4:13), if I will just believe and surrender. Yes we are remaining strong, yes we are scared, yes we have fears, and yes we are confident that "all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).
We have faith that everything god has promised He will do and He has promised us that He will be everything we need when we have need, what more could we ask for. Dawn had another good day today, any surprises?
Gene

Tuesday cause Monday was too long

Wow Monday was truly a long day, getting kids to school, took Dawn Christmas shopping then back to Millville to clean house for a while, then back to Redding to Michalea's Basketball game, then back to Millville to take Dawn to the Dr back home at 6:30, whew. Yes I know I have so many friends who have offered to help but honestly I needed it, you see yesterday was the big appointment with the Doctor and both Dawn and I were prepared to hear the worst of news, so here is how it went: 4:00 pm we met with a financial counselor, wonderful lady who dropped a big bomb, it seems that just the basic drugs for Dawns Chemo will cost us around $8600 per visit or every two weeks, this of course is in addition to the physicians, the labs, and the Dr, oh and the other meds so at a minimum $20,000 per month. But here is the good news we have six months to pay it off, yahoo! Yes we do have insurance, Thank You Jesus and LCC and once we meet the $10,000 deductable we will b ecovered for the year, and yeah we still have six months, not complaining mind you laughing because God is in control. He is allowing us to go through this and He will see us through we just need Him to sell a small herd of those cattle on a thousand hills:) Back to my story; the next lady comes in, also a wonderful and polite person and she is telling us all about chemo, what Dawn can expect, how long it will take etc, which by the way is oneday lab, next day treatment, next day lab, throw in a doc visit and yeah lots of medical time, oh and yes I'll be calling:)
The next visit was to be with our Dr. she left the room to find him and returned shortly with a rather stunned look on her face, well it seems the Dr is at the Hospital apparently someone forgot to tell him that he had a couple coming to see him who have been given extremely hard to take news, couple who had been preparing in every way to have the medical community render thier opinion on just how bad this is, but hey no big deal right? Of course it's a big deal if you don't have "the peace that passes all understanding" you see Dawn and I have moved on, we have long since decided that God is in control in every way, we know that our God reigns! And oh by the way did I mention that yesterday was one of the best days Dawn has had both physicaly and emotionaly in Months, her energy level is up, her joy has returned, and you can see in her and hear in her voice a woman excited to be in the hands of her God, willing to stay and serve, willing to join Him if He desires, the woman of God that we all know her to be, thank you Jesus for your healing touch!
And oh I guess we will need to see the Doc someday:)

Saturday December 12th

While I would usualy write at the beginning of the day, today I have found myself in such a state of busyness that well it's 9:30 pm and now I begin. By the time most of you read this Pastor Bruce Watson of Calvary Chapel in Shasta Lake will have resigned and appointed me as the new Senior Pastor of that fellowship. Dawn, myself, and many others have been praying for quite some time about taking this role and the Lord has made it very clear that we are to do so, yes even or dare I say especially in the midst of our current trial. You see the Lord gave me a vision for the community of Shasta Lake, one of transformation, revival, and healing of the people, and that vision and calling were not contingent upon our circumstances. At the time we had no clue that Dawn was terminaly ill, no more than we knew that we would not be killed driving home from Church, or that our home would not burn to the ground, or any other sort of crazy things one could fear. You see God did not ask us if we would go if everything went well, no He simply asked is to go and serve Him, se go we shall. Tuesday I asked Natalie if she felt that this was an attack on mom because of our obedience to going to Shasta Lake, her answer, yeah maybe. Well then honey maybe we should reconsider? Dad how could we, God told us to go, and we can't let the devil win no matter what!
Yes I am proud of her not only for what she said but because she truly believes it and means it. You see when God calls His people to extraordinary tasks He doesn't abandon them and watch them squirm in thier inadequacy, pain, or suffering, He never leaves, He is right there beside us comforting us all of the way. Yes our hearts are heavy, and yes we have fears about Dawn's survival, but one thing we will never doubt, that our God, our savior, the King of all that is, is holding us close, maybe even carrying the Burroughs family and thier friends on His shoulders, for He is ever faithful.
Gene

Friday December 11

Matthew 7:24-27 This is the passage I awoke thinking of today, that our home is built upon the Rock and no matter waht is going on around us we will not fall! I actually have wondered what would happen with my walk with God if I were faced with just a small taste of the trials Job faced. I wondered would I continue to hang on to God, or would it be easier to just give in and go back to my former ways? Well now I have the answer, the reality is that the more intense the battle the more I find myself drawn to Him, the more intense the trial the more I understand that He is our God, our refuge, our strength, our all in all, there would be no hope, no joy, no vision, nothing but blank space without Him right now. Today dawn and I are confident in His love for us and your love for us as well, we are humbled by so many people who have blessed us, Thank You so much! By the way if you would like to send Dawn a message her email is dawn@littlecountrychurch.org she truly does enjoy hearing from you, she may not feel up to replying so don't feel bad if you don't hear back from her.
Bless you all
Gene

Thursday Dec 10th

Thursday December 10th
Dawn and I had a very restful night last night, thanks to Greg and Teresa Ramsey at the Obrien Mountain Inn they blessed us with a night in their tree house, no phones, no internet, and no TV, just a movie night, very relaxing. It’s amazing how much we still have to talk about after 31 years, how excited for and proud of our daughters and son in law we are, and the women and man God is shaping them to be. How joyful it is to know that Katie has become a mighty woman of God, an amazing mother, and a devoted wife, to see how much wiser she is in her twenties than her parents were, and how she was able to avoid so many of the pitfalls that trap young people in sin. And the our son her husband Nick who is so in love with Jesus, committed to serving God, to answering the call upon his life against so many attacks from the enemy. A man equally devoted to his wife and children in every way, yes we are blessed. We look at our Natalie all of 14 yrs old who this year has come alive in the Lord, she knows who He is, and who she is in Him, and she has determined her path making her way along doing her best to navigate through the potholes and chasms of life. Becoming a woman after God’s own heart, a testimony to the love, commitment, and dedication of one who will serve Him, how a parent could ask any more of their child, or be any prouder I do not know. Then our little Michaela, strong and determined to be her own woman of God, a heart filled with deep seated love for His creation, family, and friends, a tenderness rarely seen by many but for those who have, the blessing lingers long. When we think of how close we came to missing this blessing our hearts ache, for our lives would not be complete without this wonderful loving child of the King in our home, and yes we are proud of her. Then there are our granddaughters Izabel and Eva both filled with great joy and laughter pouring it out in abundance over everyone they come in contact with, no more need be said, except what great blessings and oh how proud of them we are!
In these days of great trials in the flesh there are certain things we no longer focus on, nor do they even come to mind, they are, the challenges, trials, discussions, and yes even battles that have occurred in our time together. Somehow what were once often seemingly insurmountable mountains are not even visible upon the landscape of our life. The reality of what is important has suddenly become so evident and real that there is literally nothing else to view, no concern over homes, cars, clothes, retirement, no disputes over politics, points of view, or religion, all that can be seen on the landscape of our lives is the joy, love, peace, and comfort we feel toward each other, our family, and our friends. This followed closely by the extreme belief and confidence of our eternal salvation, the knowledge that some day we will spend eternity with those we love, no more tears, no more pain, no more suffering, no more distractions, a life lived in the presence of all that is good and more. We have the promise, we stand upon the word, and we are surrendered to His will, have we given up, oh quite the contrary now we are more prepared than ever to fight, for it is now that we truly understand just what it is we are fighting for!
Gene
PS No mention of the cancer you say? No none it is not worthy to be mentioned in the presence of such blessings and promises.

Wdnesday December 9th our anniversary!

Well yes you have it today is our 31st wedding anniversary, yahoo!!! And we have receieved a reprieve from bad news, Dawn's doctor appointment for today has been postponed until Monday afternoon due to test results that we are waiting on not being available today. Now while some (including initialy myself) would be rather upset by this we must remember who is truly in control of all circumstances in our lives. I am reminded of that great book, "Prison to Praise" that changed so many lives, which reminds us of the great peace and power that comes with living in the realization that God truly is in control of everything, even the stoplights! When you are in the position Dawn and I are in you realize that all the world has to offer is truly not enough, how quickly mankind can run out of answers, and how easy it would be to lose hope if that were all we had. You see that while the doctors are without answers and somewhat discouraging in thier prognosis, we remain confident that they are not, nor will they provide the final answer. After all man was not made by man, his innerparts were formed by the God of all creation, therefore He alone can provide the answers that man seeks yet knows he will not find. Thank you God today for hope, and for another anniversary that Dawn and I will celebrate together. Today we are off to the Obrien Mountain Inn to relax, snack, and watch old movies, while our daughters spend the night with some of our dear friends. We thank all of you daily for your Love, Support, Prayers, Meals, Transportation, and SO MUCH MORE!!!
We love you all and pray God's blessings upon you!
Oh one more thought, maybe the Thursday time of prayer and fasting will lead to Dawn's complete healing and then there will be no Chemo, that would be kewl!
Bless You Gene, Dawn, Natalie, and Michaela

Tuesday 12/8

Wow was yesterday and interesting day or what; Chemo gets delayed because of Jury Duty of all things, my back is completely out, Marie Callendars loses power an we wait 30 minutes just to leave, then while we are shopping Katie calls because we have water coming out of the ceiling onto the computer, (frozen line, or should I say thawed), one of the puppy's ends up at the vet, and a few dozen small annoying things happen. However iw ill say praise be to God that He is in control otherwise I think I could give up.
Ok a little clarification; I'm not opposed to healing rooms, prayer centers, allowing folks to use thier gifts, or annointing people for prayer, those are all some of the ways that God chooses to heal folks however we believe we have a specific word for Dawn and that is to wait on and trust Him and He will be faithful and He will receive all of the glory.
Well here is the latest on where we stand, Wednesday at 4:15 or so Dawn and I go in to find out all of the Pathalogical results, potentialy very bad news, and oh by the way it is our 31st anniversary. More than likely they will be telling us at that time what they believe the process will be and about how long she will be with us (based on Man's best guess). Then barring changes (which I do expect) we begin Chemo on Monday, however based on what we find out I am confident that it will happen sooner, once the doc finds out things tend to change. When we receive the entire prognosis we can then seek a second opinion from a liver specialist which we intend to do imedeatly.
Ok so that is where we are today, hugs and kisses to all we love and appreciate you so much, without all of your support this process would be much more difficult than it is, you are all truly a blessing!
Gene, Dawn, Natalie, and Michaela

Monday

Well today we take an adventure shopping, Dawn really wants to shop for the girls Christmas gifts. Thank God for those little annoying carts that let you run over people and race around the store without getting yelled at. It's kind of like my daughters when they give me the pouty look, Imean how can you get mad at those people? Oh well off track, for all of you who really really really want to see Dawn, we are both so sorry that this all happened so fast, otherwise it would be possible, however because of where she is physicaly it is very draining on her. If you know Dawn you know that she can't just let you come and visit, forever the hostess she will always desire and work to make her guests feel at home, and of course that is very taxing on her. Therefore we will do our best to accomodate but please don't feel like we don't want to see you, it's just a lot for us right now. Well we love you all, off to the lab this morning, then to the Dr on Wednesday for more news, and starting Chemo so more to follow.

Sunday !2/6 "A call to Fasting"

Ok so now it's time to bring out the big guns, please tell everyone you know, take it to your church, email your friends, even though they do not know Dawn the following, I believe that we may now as a result of her sickness and the leading of the Lord be starting a worldwide move to fast and pray for the afflicted on a particular day of each week and I for one am on board. So this Thursday December 10th ask everyone to join us in a day of fasting and prayer for Dawn and if they don't know her let me tell you how many describe her, Godly woman, faithful servant, Loving Friend, Awesome Mom, Wife to Gene (31 yrs Dec 9), Mother to Katie (27), Natalie (14), and Michaela (12), Grandmother to Eva (8mos) and Izabel (3), and friend to all. Dawn has been diagnosed with inoperable liver and possibly pancreatic cancer, and while mankind can offer her little or no help we believe and trust, that God can and will heal her of this awful sickness, and we believe that God has called many of us to a day of fasting and prayer for that very reason. Therefore we are asking you to join us on this Thursday December 10th in a day of fasting and prayer specifically for a complete healing of all cancer in Dawn’s body. We desire that no man, no church, no particular movement receive any glory for the miracle that God will do, but rather that He alone receive all glory, honor and Praise for He is worthy. Please pass this on to all you know and ask them to join people all over the world as we lift this woman before God, believing that He will be faithful.
Yes I am being redundant and yes I am believing God, and yes I desire to see her healed, and yes God is our only hope and I can think of no where else I would desire to place it.

Saturday 12/5

Rough night last night, many thoughts going through my head, most of them scenarios of a future without my lifelong mate. Nothing can prepare a person for such tragedy, no books, no passages, no teachings, nothing can prepare a heart for such intense pain. Yet in the midst of all of it we know that yes God is in control and yes He is our healer, and yes He knows all things, and has even experienced to a much greater degree this pain that we are feeling in our hearts.
This year has been the most difficult year of our recent lives in ministry in every way, emotionaly it has been a roller coaster, financialy (which really does not matter) a hole, personaly tragic, and yet we have seen the greatest of growth in love and commitment to Christ in our children that one could possibly imagine, and that has made it all worth while. We have seen many come to Christ, God has called us to serve in a new way in Shasta Lake, He has had us travel and serve Him as a family to a much greater degree, so much good and so much hope, and that we must and will hang on to.
Regardless of the outcome with Dawn's health I am and will remain 100% committed to serving at Shasta Lake. God has surrounded us with an amazing team of mature, equipped, and equaly commited leaders and we will continue on, yes it will look different than many of us thought, but none the less we will continue onward for the sake of Christ.
Blessings to you all and thank you for your continued prayer and support, and please inform others of this blog as I am finding the burden of communicating to everyone a bit more than I can handle right nowm easily 2 hrs a day and my wife and children need the time.
Gene

Friday Night Health update

Before going on may I please ask that you do not publicly post any of the information about Dawn's condition especially on facebook as we are doing all we can to protect our daughters at this time, they have been dealing with enough all ready, thank you!
There is an intruder in my home, he is not welcome yet he is attempting to stay he is destroying all on this earth that we love and he is our enemy, "The Lord Rebuke you" you liar, thief, and destroyer of mans hopes and dreams the enemy of all that is good and holy.
Our latest trip to the oncologist has left us no hope for cures from man, Dawn will begin chemotherapy next week in hopes of extending her time with us, however her cance is inoperable. We meed the Lord to intervene and heal my dear wife, friend, and partner in ministry, thank you all so much for your prayers for my wife, children, and myself, we surely do feel them!
Gene

Update on life and its challenges today

Well today is a new day, last night we told the girls that Dawn has liver cancer and as a family we were able to pray, cry, and love on each other. Today at 2:45 we head out to see the Cancer Specialist to review our treatment options, and learn more about this terrible disease that has invaded all of our lives. Thank God that we have His promises to stand on, His word gives us hope, His Spirit gives us comfort, and His people give encouragement.
So many of you have offered to provide meals, care, and help in so many ways that we are truly overwhelmed by the blessing of your love and friendship.
At this point we have so many unanswered questions that we don't have a clue what tomorrow brings and therefore it is very hard to plan or know what we need. So far our meals have been more than covered and we so appreciate it, but I am sure that we will be needing help in the future, trust me when I say "yes we will ask". Also since there are so many people asking so many questions (thank you) I have decided to create this blog (at the advice of a dear friend) in order to make better use of the tools at hand to communicate more clearly to everyone so please bookmark this address and I promise to give daily updates.
One thing I would like to share is a vision I had while worshipping ath Shasta Lake last Wednesday; It was a famous scene from the movie True Grit some of you may remember it. John Wayne is sitting on his horse in a meadow about to face four armed men seeking to do him harm, he places the reins in his mouth a gun in each hand, and makes a proclamation (I won't repeat) then charges head on into battle. This is truly what I believe God has called me to do as the priest of this household and as a man of God. My role is to not fear the enemy or what he has in store but rather to lead with courage, perseverance, conviction, and faith, all the while following Christ as He leads us. The plans and promises God has given us were not a what if, they were real, and they were His will, therefore we cannot allow the circumstances of life to prevent us from fulfilling the will of God for if we did we would never accomplish anything, we would simply run in circles possibly unknowingly being led by our enemy.
Thank you for joining us in this fight, for prayer is the battle cry of God's people and yes Lord we cry out, "Your will be done in our lives Lord, we submit to Your perfect will, all the while asking, seeking, and knocking on your door seeking a miracle healing of Dawn, all for Your glory Lord," Amen.
Gene 12/04/09
Gene