Seeking Him First

“Seeking Him First”




*Dawn Burroughs truly was an amazing woman, not just because she was my wife, or the mother of my children, but rather because for one thing she truly loved the Lord. Her dedication to the Lord and His people was deeply rooted in her steadfast conviction of always doing what was right. You see she never would consider doing anything that she felt went against what was right,or what God would have her do, no matter what. Was she afraid of God, no, was she afraid of disappointing God, yes, and that in itself was one of the greatest things that contributed to her amazing character. The thought of disappointing God would often wake her (and consequently me) at night. Sometimes in the night she would awaken and be completely consumed with worry that somehow she had done something, made a decision, or had spoken words that would somehow disappoint the Lord. There were times that she simply had a thought that she new was not pleasing to the Lord, and yes once again we would be awake, me in a stupor, and us discussing the grace and the mercy of God. You see Dawn took the Lord very serious, she refused to take His love for granted, she refused to abuse His grace or His mercy, she understood the cost and hence the value of Christ’s blood. The mere thought of taking advantage of God’s grace and mercies would send her into a downward spiral of self loathing and conviction, one that sometimes became difficult to help her out of. I can remember at times being so frustrated with her extreme guilt, I would do all I could to minimize her fears and remind her that none of us are perfect, that it is the striving for perfection that God desires, not the perfection. I would remind her that if we could be perfect then there would be no need for the cross, or the sacrifice that Jesus has made for us. And yes while she was aware of these things and knew them to be true, more importantly she knew her heart, she knew that in it was not only the ability but sometimes even the desire to fail, to choose the passion of the flesh over the will of God. The testimony of her became how rarely she would succumb to those desires, how she was able to remain steadfast and allow her convictions to outweigh her passions.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in this life came form this woman, my friend, my spouse, my confidant, and that lesson was this; “Make your passion to do the will of God”. You see Dawn’s struggle was far less than my own, or that of many others, simply for one reason if no other, her passion, her desire, was to do the will of God, and she knew what that was. She understood the role of a woman, she knew that her first responsibility before God was to love and serve Him, then to love and serve me, followed by loving and serving her children, and lastly, loving and serving His people, His church. Dawn knew that God came first, above all else, that her relationship with everyone else was completely dependent upon her relationship with Him. It took decades of struggling with the role of being provider and husband, thinking that as the world teaches I had to provide before I finally understood the true secret to success, this secret that Dawn had known for so long,(and tried to teach me). You see true success, true provision, true service in proper order only comes form one place, it comes from the Father, it comes as a byproduct of your pursuit and desire to know your God! True happiness, true love, true understanding, these are all attributes of those who love the Lord and seek Him first, they are the passions of Godly people. Dare I say this, wining the ball game, killing the biggest buck, having the shapeliest body, or being the best at anything, is all in vain if it does not begin with being passionate for Him. You see these things may happen as a result of seeking Him and making Him your passion, however only after you have done so, not before.
Dawn has left me a changed man, she has shown me by her life and consequent passing what truly is the most important thing, seeking Him first, being passionate for Christ. Jesus should never be a crutch, His blood never a super glue that holds it all together as we continue to break it all apart. No, He should be our all in all, the one who lifts us up, the one who we seek to serve, the one we place first even over our own desires, and then and only then will it all make sense. Dawn’s passing is slowly beginning to make much more sense to me, because I know why she served, I know who she loved, and I know how faithful He is, and I know He loves me and my children, and like Dawn our desire is now above all to please Him!
Gene Burroughs Pastor