Completely Dependent on God
To a varying degree we all have our own definition of what it means to be dependent upon God. For some we view it as trusting God to be our provision, for others it is depending on Him for our salvation, and so on. When we say that we are dependent on God we truly do have to varying degrees control on how truly dependent upon God we are. That is until the day comes where we simply have no choice, the day we truly become completely dependent upon God for one or more areas of our life. Tonight I was sitting alone (a rare occurrence) Dawn was in bed and I began pondering the future, when suddenly I realized that doing so was completely impossible. As I began to contemplate the future I realized that every aspect of my future is completely dependent upon God, and when I say future I mean my very next breath. You see I can no longer plan anything more than what is absolutely necessary, and even then necessity is completely subject and relevant to reality, a reality completely subject to change. You see I have no control over where my or my families lives are going, I have no idea of the outcome or any idea of what the future may hold. I have asked the Lord to reveal it to me, to show me if Dawn will be healed upon this earth or in glory, yet He has not spoken. It is rather easy for me to understand why, you see if the Lord told me that Dawn was going to receive a miraculous earthly healing then I would immediately begin acting and planning accordingly, and likewise if He revealed another option. You see it just hit me tonight why when it comes to the area of Dawn’s healing the Lord has been largely silent to me, if He tells me I will no longer be completely dependent upon Him! I’m not sure how to respond to such revelation, do I get mad at myself, do I cry out for answers, do I tell God I surrender knowing full well that I truly don’t, or do I wait. Well honestly I have done all three, to no avail; hence there is only one answer. I wait and remain completely dependent upon the Lord. Is this what I want, is this what gives me joy, comfort, or peace? The answer is both yes and no, you see I know that God is in control, that He can be trusted with my future, that He has the best plans for me and my family, so the answer is yes. However in my anguish, in my lack of control, in my constant desire to care for and nurture my family and to protect them from pain and harm, I want answers, I want to know what the future holds. Therefore there remains within me this constant battle, the greater part of me knowing that God has our best at heart, knowing that he has a plan for all of us that work’s both for His glory and our pleasure, and the lesser part of me that wanting to run from pain, avoid hurt, and protect my family. There There is of course only one conclusion, and that my friend is to realize that I am completely dependent upon my God for everything, and that is more than ok. The truth is that our God is an amazing God, one who desires to bless us, plans every aspect of our lives, and always has our best interest at heart, and that should bring us the greatest of comfort. Yes this life is difficult and yes trusting in a God we don’t see is challenging, however there is only one option for those who believe, “Completely Depending upon God”!
Dawn is quite tired these days, and tomorrow she begins another round of chemotherapy, the children are all in Medford for the week, and I am extremely happy to be at home where I am needed most. God is good and our lives are in His hands, for that we are grateful and blessed!
Gene
This sounds like you are getting very close to right where God wants you: Totally Dependant on Him!!! Besides, we know what the future holds for us; what happens on the way, is just part of the journey. We can only hope that we can leave some good wells behind that others may drink from them. God Bless you my Brother!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, now I am tripping; who is approving my comments before they are posted?
ReplyDeleteGene: Those of us who have experienced that place of complete dependence on God are blessed in a way that many others who “say (think) they are dependent on Him” can never imagine. Yes, there are many ways to depend on Him, but complete dependence is something totally different – and once you’ve been there it’s where we should want to be, always. My first experience with it was while I was lying in the dirt after the accident, and then, again in the hospital where my “personal space” and my very life, was in the hands of others. When I spent some time thinking about it all – much like you have here - I experienced such incredible joy and peace and freedom during those times! My very soul danced because His presence was all around and through me, and that was all that mattered. After those very personal moments with Jesus I also realized that I had experienced His presence and joy in the past without really understanding. (It took the 2x4-up-the-side-of-my-head experience to get my attention!!) Now, I constantly trying to reach that place of intimacy with Him and it is positively glorious – but it is so very hard to stay there. We are still in the world, and subject to constant interference from every possible direction that continually tries to make us of the world. It is just another facet of the larger battle going on this side of Heaven. My prayer is that both of you will continue to be completely dependent on Him, and that your days will be filled with His presence….Carolyn
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